Five Years Later
by flazedamn
Summary: Follow up to "I Think I've Found Myself A Cheerleader"
1. Chapter 1

32 hours, 32 fucking hours and Clarke still hadn't slept a wink. Not a damn wink and as much as she was used to this now, it was becoming a bit of a struggle right now to stay awake. Thankfully, her shift had finally ended and she could slip into her bed, bury herself in her sheets and pass the fuck out for at least 15 hours. Yeah, that sounded great.

Clarke was loving her new life in Seattle, a year into her residency, she decided it was time to jump ship and transfer to the famous Ark hospital that her mother had become chief of surgery at almost 3 years ago now. She was on her way to becoming a qualified trauma surgeon, although the road was still long. Another 2 years of residency and then she would be taking on more years to finalise her medical certificate. But she was ready, regardless of how little sleep she got, or the losses she experienced at work, or the amount of bodily fluids and blood she was dealing with daily. This was what she wanted, what she loved and she was on her way to becoming just that.

It was her 2nd month of living in Seattle and her best friends had by some miracle moved close to her 2 weeks ago. Octavia moving for a career opportunity, after giving up on soccer and finding a love for the police force. And of course, Raven could go wherever she pleased, thanks to owning a few garages already and opening another in Seattle wouldn't harm.

Although still very fresh in Seattle, and the residency world, Clarke was enjoying the way her life was coming together. And frankly, pretty damn proud of herself for accomplishing everything that she has so far.

Not bothering to even change out of her scrubs, she climbed into her car and rested her head against the steering wheel, and letting out a long breath. Maybe she could just rest her eyes for a few seconds, what harm could that cost?

She was awoken by the sound of her phone, which she began to dig for in her bag, that noise had to stop. Finding the phone, she quickly answered before checking the caller ID, "Clarke Griffin".

"Oh how fancy of you, Princess Griffen" Raven cooed from the other side of the phone.

"Raven. I didn't realise it was you. What do you want?"

"Always such a pleasure to talk to you too, Clarke. Really."

Clarke groaned, she really didn't have the patience for Raven's sarcasm right now, "sorry, I'm just really tired. What's up?"

"So Tavia and I were wondering if you were free tomorrow night? We were invited to some staff night out with her colleagues and she wants me to go, obviously cause I'm such eye candy but I really don't wanna be on my own with a room full of copsa"

"Raven, I haven't slept in over 30 hours and you're asking me to come to a party? Seriously?" She pinched at the bridge of her nose, trying to keep herself from losing her patience. She had no idea why she was such a ticking time bomb today.

"I know I know, I'm sorry! But you don't have to stay late, or drink or anything, I'd just really appreciate the company. Please princess" she begged.

"Stop calling me that and you might have yourself some company tomorrow"

"Deal, blondie! No more princess, I promise. So you're coming?"

"Yeah yeah, just text me the details. I gotta go though, I need to get to bed before I fall asleep in my car. Again" Clarke started her car, ready to make her way home.

"No problem, prin- Clarke. Get your beauty sleep, at least try and look as good as me" Raven teased and Clarke couldn't even find the energy to respond so she just groaned and hung up the phone. Pulling her car out of the hospital parking lot, she began her drive home.

Everything was obviously against her today, because her keys just wouldn't fit and the door wouldn't open and oh my god she just needed her bed. Falling against the door, she took a few calming breaths then tried the lock again and finally, the gods were in her side because it opened. Wasting no time, she kicked her shoes off, dropped her bag and walked straight to her bedroom, not even bothering to remove her clothes before she fell into her bed and fell asleep.

/

Lexa was bent over, trying to catch her breath as her teammate and friend – Kim Little – caught up to her at the end of their regular jogging route.

"Struggling there, Woods?" The girl laughed, trying to catch her own breath.

"You would be too if you had actually kept up with me" Lexa bit back and quickly dodged the hand that was aimed her way.

2 years ago, Lexa had been transferred to none other than Seattle Reign FC after her time at the Red Stars had allowed her to grow without the National League and gained her a few awards; most valuable player, athlete of the year and league top goal scorer. Her name had began to become well known within the league, and further more, the national team. Along with her transfer to SRFC, the national team had taken an interest in her and although she had only received 30 minutes of playing time for the USWNT, over 6 games, she was still a part of it. She had officially made her dreams come true. She made it.

"This is why I run with you, you're good at pushing me past my boundaries. You help me run, I help you maintain that scoring record. Great team"

"Of course, Little, how can I possibly maintain my scoring record without you" Lexa nudged the girl with her shoulder as they both stretched out.

"You couldn't, although I'm coming for that record next season"

"Bring it on, Little".

Finishing up their daily run, the girl's parted ways and Lexa decided to make her way home, she really needed to get herself cleaned up. But apparently Anya had other plans.

"Hey loser, make your way over to mine right now. It's a crisis and I need your help!" She quickly spoke down the phone and hung up before Lexa could even reply.

"Dammit, Anya" she mumbled under her breath as she began to walk towards Anya's. Luckily she didn't live too far from her running route.

When she arrived, opting not to knock considering Anya's eagerness for her to come over, she found her in her bedroom, sitting in the middle of the bed staring into space.

"Uh Anya, are you okay?"

"Lincoln proposed" she spoke blankly, still staring at the same space on the wall.

"Oh my god Anya, that's great!" Lexa smile broke across her face, taking a seat next to Anya on the bed, "why aren't you excited?".

"I think I'm in shock. I didn't expect it"

"Anya, you guys have been together since forever. What's it been now, like 6 years?"

Anya finally tore her eyes away and looked over at Lexa, "yeah I guess but I don't know, I still didn't expect it. I think because it's been so long and he hasn't proposed, he never would but he did. And I said yes. I'm getting married." Anya's eyes widened, "oh my god I'm getting married, Lexa".

"Yeah you are, now let me see the ring!" Lexa demanded and Anya placed her left hand in Lexa's, revealing a simple and small diamond within a plain silver band. Anya was never one for over the top jewellery or jewellery in general, Lincoln really did know her.

"Lincoln has good taste".

"Obviously, he wants to marry me, doesn't he" Anya smirked, taking her hand away and admiring the ring herself.

"Yeah yeah, I liked you better when you were in shock"

"I never thought we'd last this long. I mean don't get me wrong, I wanted us to but I never thought it would happen. 6 years, Lexa, that's insane to me. I can't believe it, I never thought we'd outlast you and Cla-" with that, Anya's ranting came to an abrupt stop. Lexa could feel her heart rate speed up, just like it did with any mention of Clarke. She suddenly couldn't concentrate on anything other than the pounding in her chest. "I'm sorry, Lexa. I didn't mean to bring her up, pretend I didn't say anything" Anya sat up on her knees on the bed and moved over to place her hand on Lexa's shoulder.

Swallowing hard and clearing her throat, Lexa replied, "it's okay, I'm okay. Let's just forget it about"

Clarke had been right. Long distance just didn't work. At least, not for them. It went well for a while, the first 8 months had been going well for them, managing to visit a few times and maintaining a schedule for calls and Skyping. But then it went downhill from there, Clarke's schedule had become too busy with work and studying and frankly, so had Lexa's. She was travelling around the country, training almost daily, even attending events with the team. Eventually they just knew it wasn't going to work any longer. They ached for each other, and they loved each other but without each other in their daily lives, they couldn't hold it together. None of them were willing to hold each other back from their dreams, and so the mutual decision was met. 20 months after Lexa moved to start her career in national league soccer, Clarke and Lexa broke up. And eventually, they broke off all contact all together.

It had been 3 years since they stopped speaking and Lexa still wasn't over her. 3 years since she lost her and she still couldn't get over her, at this point she didn't think she ever could.

\\\\\

Clarke was awoken by the rattling on her door, seriously didn't anyone know that she was planning on a 15 hour sleep? At some point during the night, she'd managed to take her scrubs off and throw on a tshirt to sleep in.

Walking towards the door, banging her shoulders against a few door frames on the way, her door was knocked again. "I'm coming, god dammit!" She shouted.

She threw the door open, in the middle of rubbing sleep from her eyes, "well aren't you a sight for sore eyes" she heard the familiar voice, immediately bringing a smile to her face.

"You of all people should know I need my 15 hours of rest after being on call"

"Well it is 2pm, babe. I think you've had your 15 hours. Or more like 20" Noah replied, leaning forward to give her a gentle kiss to the temple. Clarke met Noah through her mother, just like her, he was doing his residency but was 2 years ahead of Clarke. They had went on dates a few times when Clarke would visit her mother and always kept in contact, her mother always telling her how Noah always asked about her and how he was a lovely gentlemen. All that boring mom stuff, but soon enough, Clarke and Noah couldn't deny that they had fallen for each other. Clarke couldn't do a long distance relationship though, not again and so after her first year of residency, she spent the summer with her mother in Seattle (or mostly Noah) and officially moved 4 months later. She and Noah had been together for 6 months now and she couldn't be happier.

Noah was quite literally the perfect gentleman that her mother described, and not to mention drop dead gorgeous too. He was 6ft1, with sandy blond hair that was short at both sides and the back, leaving the top messy, blue eyes and a bone structure that most male models would die for, along with his body. He worked out regularly, and Clarke had no idea how he managed because the gym was the last thing on her mind after finishing a shift. But she wasn't complaining, especially not when she got to appreciate his strong shoulders and arms, or his impressive abs and pecks.

Noah was pretty perfect.

"20 hours?" Clarke asked, stretching out her limbs and moaning at how good it felt, "20 hours of complete bliss".

She watched as Noah's eyes racked over her body, taking his time to scan her bare legs, "hey, eyes up here, doc" she teased.

He shook his head, his short fringe moving with the motion and smiled, "sorry, babe. You're just, always blows my mind how beautiful you are".

Clarke leaned up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, "you're sorta pretty yourself" she teased before kissing him softly. "You busy tonight?"

"Hm, that depends" he smirked, with that spark in his eyes as his arms wrapped tighter around her waist.

She slapped his shoulder, betting he didn't even feel it "not that! Raven and Octavia invited me to some cop party and as you can tell I'm not thrilled about going but I think your company would make it a whole lot more enjoyable"

"Cop party, sounds tense and not fun at all. But I s'pose I could come for you" he smiled before giving her a small kiss again.

"Great! We're leaving here about 8 so, pick me up?"

"It'd be my pleasure"

\\\\\

"I really think we should tell Clarke about this, babe. It won't go well" Raven informed her girlfriend as they both got ready for the welcoming party.

"What is there to tell? It's only Anya, I'm sure she'll be fine with it" Octavia responded, her mouth hanging open as she applied mascara.

"Yeah but Anya means she'll think of Lexa, you know she will and surprising her with something like this won't go well. You remember how she was after her and Lex broke up". How could they forget? None of the girls had ever seen Clarke hit rock bottom before, not even Octavia who was there when she lost her father. She wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep, she barely even managed to move from the sofa. They both spent weeks, or even months holding her as she slept and even taking turns to help her when she woke up screaming from her nightmares. She had been broken, and they had only just gotten her back, not entirely but she was as healed as she could be.

"It'll be fine, Rae, I promise. Besides, Anya will only be there because all departments are invited, even homicide". Octavia had quickly learned that of all the places she could have ended up, she ended up working in the same law enforcement as bloody Anya Forrest. She knew why they said the world was a small place.

"You best hope it is, O or we're in deep shit. Scratch that, you'll be in deep shit. I wanted to tell her"

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"I can't believe you forced me into this damn thing. Spending the night with a bunch of detectives and police officers does not sound like the "good time" you promised me, Anya" Lexa complained as she sat in Anya's car, wearing a simple black suit, black tie and white shirt.

"Will you quit complaining? It's free drinks, what more could you want?" Anya was driving them to the event, some stupid yearly thing they held to welcome all new detectives and officers and such. A waste of time really, if you asked Lexa. Not wanting to make too much of an effort, like she actually cared, Anya was wearing black fitted pants and a deep green blouse with a minimal amount of makeup.

"Why couldn't Lincoln come anyway? Why am I stick doing this?"

"Lincoln had other commitments, you know like telling Gustus about the engagement. Oh and I told Lincoln to tell Gus you said hello, since you keep forgetting to keep in touch with anyone" Anya shot her a glare.

"I'm busy, okay? I forgot! Plus, telling me off right now isn't going to help you with me not complaining"

"Shut up. We're here"

Lexa and Anya made their way into the hall, which was actually nicer than Lexa had expected, apparently the police department had the budget to fork out on a fancy hall with fancy tables and champagne flutes. How pretentious.

"Okay well, if you need me, I'll be by the bar, drinking and away from all this" she waved her hand around and made her way over to the bar. Mingling with detectives all night wasn't Lexa's idea of a good time, so she was going to get herself through this by taking advantage of the free alcohol and ignoring everyone. That was easy enough.

She stood at the bar, taking in the room and the people around her. She could tell by the demeanour of some people that their positions within the force were a higher than the others, they always had a smug sense about them and stood with such composure. She was definitely avoiding them! She could also pick out the people that were like her, being dragged here by people, they were usually sipping away at their drinks, standing by as other people made conversation.

She was onto her third beer by the time her eyes caught the face of someone who looked familiar, did she know anyone other than Anya in the police force? She squinted her eyes, trying to look through the bodies of people, trying to catch the face of the person she thought she recognised, the damn woman had turned around by now.

Raven. It was Raven. What the hell? How was Raven here? The last she heard, Raven was some fancy business owner, managing to open up a few garages around Michigan, so why was she here? And then next to her, she caught sight of her better half; Octavia. Oh god, this was bad.

Scanning the room, she finally found Anya and quickly swallowed the last of her beer before battling through the crowd of people, and taking Anya by the elbow, "if you could excuse my friend for a moment, I have a private issue we have to discuss" she smiled at the group of people Anya was in conversation with.

"What the hell, Lexa?"

"Raven and Octavia are here, why are Raven and Octavia here?" Lexa was nervous.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Octavia joined the force" she stated plainly.

"You forgot to mention? Anya! What the hell, this isn't something you can just forget to mention! What if they see me? Oh god, I have to go" Lexa began to pace nervously, she couldn't afford to bump into the girls.

"Calm down, Lexa. So what if they see you? It's not like Cla- it's not like she's here with them. Just relax, have another drink or something, even mingle"

"I have to go, Anya. I'm sorry but I can't afford to bump into them and have them tell her they spoke to me. I just can't. I'll see you later" She walked away towards the exit.

\\\\\

"You look beautiful" Noah told her as she met him at the door. Clarke was dressed in a blood red dress that stopped just above her knee, the corset top half sitting perfectly on her figure, allowing her curves and bust to be visible.

"Thank you, handsome" she smiled, snaking her arm into Noah's and making their way towards his car. Noah was wearing a tuxedo, always cleaning up well when it came to formal events of any kind, she swore he had a different suit for each day of the week.

"So, how are you finding working under you mom?" Noah asked, making casual conversation.

"Frustrating. I love my mother but I'm not so used to spending so much time with her, we clash a lot so I'm trying to keep my distance a bit. I think she expects a lot more from me than I can do, and it's frustrating because I don't want to let her down but then, I can't live up to those expectations."

"I think your mom just wants you to do well, Clarke and become a great surgeon one day. I understand what you mean though, my parents are the same. They expect so much from me, I'm the first one from my family to even attend university, never mind become a doctor."

"You never told me that before, your parents seem so lovely. Like they'd be happy no matter what you do" Clarke spoke, turning to look at Noah.

"I mean don't get me wrong, they are but they've put a lot of pressure on me. It's been hard but then, without them doing that, maybe I wouldn't be where I am today, with you" he smiled, quickly meeting her eyes before turning back to watch the road.

"You're such a sap, you know that?" she reached over and began to play with the short hair at the nape of his neck.

"Only for you, sweetheart"

Clarke and Noah arrived a little later than anticipated, and Clarke phone was filled with angry texts from Raven, not that that surprised her. They parked the car and made their way to the venue, stopping to take their coats off and placing them within the designated cloakroom. Slipping her arm through Noah's they stood at the entry of the hall, "I'm so excited for this, I do love a room full of police officers" Clarke said sarcastically, causing Noah to laugh.

"Come on, beautiful, I want to show off my arm candy" he placed his hand over hers and they entered the room.

Or so, they tried to, but they were stopped when Noah collided with a body of someone that was in a rush to leave apparently. "Hey, watch it" Noah said, gritting his teeth as he let go of Clarke's arm.

"Oh god, I'm sorry about that, I was in a r-"the person stopped speaking and Clarke lifted her gaze from watching Noah fix his tuxedo to see why they hadn't finished. And her heart stopped. She couldn't even take another breath, as her current one got stuck in her lungs. She stupidly had assumed the person was male, thanks to the suit but she was wrong. Dead wrong. The person in front of her wasn't some random strange man, no. The person in front of her was Lexa. Her Lexa. Lexa that she hadn't seen or spoken to in 3 years. Lexa who had completely broken her.

The Lexa that was staring at her just as wide eyed and shocked, the Lexa that right now outshined every man in the hall with how utterly unbelievable she looked in a suit. Clarke had never been one for a woman in a suit, that was until she met Lexa and it changed, and with her standing there in front of her in her black suit, she remembered exactly why that was.

"Uh Clarke, are you okay?" Noah brought her out of her thoughts. She looked up at him, then back at Lexa, who still hadn't moved. "Am I missing something here?"

"Clarke" Lexa finally spoke, and Clarke's heart swelled at the way Lexa said her name. It hadn't changed, after 3 years it still hadn't changed.

"You know each other?" Noah spoke again, looking between both of them.

"Y-yeah, we know each other." Clarke stuttered, not knowing what to say.

"Care to introduce me?" Noah smiled friendly.

She looked at Lexa, who was now looking at the hand that Noah had taken of hers and saw as the woman swallowed hard, tearing her eyes away after a short amount of time. "Uh of course. Noah, this is Lexa. Lexa, this is Noah".

Noah reached out his hand to shake Lexa's, "it's nice to meet you, Lexa. I haven't met many of Clarke's friends yet, so it's always a pleasure".

Lexa shook his hand, finally tearing her gaze away from Clarke and laying it on Noah, "pleasure is all mine, Noah. I'm glad to see Clarke is happy after all this time, I feel like I have you to thank for that"

"I sure do hope so" he smiled, wrapping his arm around Clarke's back and pulling her into him by the waist.

"It was nice to see you, Clarke. And nice meeting you, Noah but if you'll excuse me, I was on my way home" Lexa had composed herself, setting her jaw firmly and lifting her chin.

"It was lovely to meet you too, Lexa. I hope to see you around, looks like you and Clarke have some catching up to do" Noah replied and Lexa quickly spared a glance to Clarke before nodding and pushing her way past them both.

"Lexa" Clarke whispered faintly, not loud enough for anyone to hear as she watched the girl walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been 3 days since Clarke saw Lexa, and her head was still spinning from it. She had made it her mission not to pay attention to anything soccer related after her break up, and Octavia had even stopped mentioning it around her. She had no idea Lexa was in Seattle, and apparently Octavia had known she was playing for whatever they were called – Seattle Rains? – and had failed to mention this when Clarke decided to move here. Seriously, was her best friend even on her side? To top that off, Raven had to explain that Anya was a homocide detective and she was therefore the reason that Lexa was at the police event. Once again, putting doubts into her mind whether her so-called best friend had her back or whether she was enjoying her being fucked over and her life turned upside down.

She and Octavia still weren't on the best of terms, and was a little shaky with Raven as well. Those girls were supposed to have her back, not keep secrets from her. Especially secrets that involved her bloody ex.

Noah had continued to ask about Lexa, always taking an interest in Clarke life and her friends and as much as she loved that about him, it had to stop. She wasn't interested in talking about Lexa, especially not with Noah. Hell, she wasn't even interested in thinking about her. But as she predicted, she wasn't that lucky.

She couldn't get Lexa out of her head.

She couldn't seem to forget how amazing she had looked, after 3 damn years of only old pictures and her memories, seeing Lexa in person took her breath away. And to make matters worse, she was in a damn suit. And now, she continued to find herself comparing Noah to Lexa in everything he done and how he looked.

Don't get her wrong, Noah looked incredible in a suit. His shoulders were impressively broad, which were a necessity for rocking a suit but fuck. There was just something about the way Lexa wore a suit, with such confidence and power, and strength.

She had to stop. This wasn't healthy, and it wasn't healthy for her relationship with Noah either. She wasn't going to find herself obsessing over her ex, not for any longer. She had wasted enough time thinking about her, and crying over losing her. She was with Noah now, and honestly, she loved Noah. Noah was her future, Lexa was her past.

\\\\\

"Wait, so you're telling me you ran into your ex and her boyfriend? The ex that your still evidently in love with?" The Scottish accent rang out as Kim took a swig of her water.

"It's that obvious, huh?" Lexa looked down.

"Unfortunately so, Woods. Your hard ass attitude disappears whenever you speak about her"

Lexa sighed, "I'm fucked. What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"The way I see it, you have two options: you go and get your girl back or you accept that she's moved on and try to move on yourself" Kim shrugged.

"I can't come between her and Noah, that's messed up"

"Maybe. But if she lets you come between you and Noah then you know she still wants you too"

"You're a bad influence, you know that?" Lexa smiled, knocking Little away by her shoulder and beginning to run again.

"Yet you're thinking about it!" The girl called from behind her, trying to catch up to Lexa.

After her run, Lexa headed back to her apartment and cleaned herself up. She was fully enjoying her time off for a few weeks, being able to lounge around and catch up on tv shows she'd neglected for so long. She was never one for being lazy but after leagues and national tours, she embraced it when she could.

But then Clarke had showed up, and now she couldn't enjoy her free time because her thoughts were plagued with the blonde. Or more specifically, the two blondes; Clarke and Noah.

From their small encounter, Noah seemed like a nice guy. He had a kind face, and a kind smile and as soon as he realised Clarke knew her, he looked at Lexa like she was a friend of his. But it didn't matter how kind he seemed, or how friendly he was as soon as he realised, all Lexa could think about was Clarke's hand in his. Her arm in his. His hand on her hip. The hip that Lexa's hand used to rest on; the hip that Lexa used to kiss; the hip that Lexa knew would make Clarke shiver if you grazed your teeth along it. And now all she could wonder was if he knew the same things about Clarke as she did. Did someone else know all the right places to touch her that made her shiver, made her moan or even the places that she found ticklish. Like the spot just under her ribs. Did he know about the little congregation of freckles that settled across her left shoulder, or the small scar on her right knee. Did he know Clarke's body just as well as she did?

He can't. He can't know Clarke's body that well. She couldn't accept that. That was something that she took too much pride in, she knew Clarke's body better than anyone, better than Clarke herself.

Pulling herself from those destructive thoughts, she decided that sitting around and watching TV wasn't in her best intentions. Instead, she decided to get out of the apartment and go wherever her feet took her.

Apparently her feet were as indecisive as she was, and she just found herself wandering around aimlessly, walking in and out of stores as she aimlessly window shopped. Giving up on finding somewhere to go, or something to do, Lexa decided to take a break and grab herself some food. Looking around her surroundings, she found a café and settled on a grabbing herself a sandwich.

She was just about to take a seat, and enjoy her chicken salad sandwich and water when she heard someone call her name from behind her. Turning around, she was face to face with Raven.

"I heard you were in town" the girl smiled before wrapping her arms around Lexa and pulling her into a tight hug, "I've missed you, Lex".

"Hey Raven, it's lovely to see you too" Lexa hugged back, awkward at first but then let herself relax into it.

"How is life treating the talented Lexa Woods?" Raven smiled, both of them settling into a table.

"Life is life, my career is going well and Seattle is a lovely city. I have no complaints really. What about you, business tycoon Raven Reyes?"

Raven let out a laugh, "I guess you heard about that then? I'm my own boss, how much better can that get?"

"You never did well with people telling you what to do, I think that works out nicely for you. And how about Octavia, I heard she's in the police force? What happened to soccer?"

"She still loves it, and plays it when she can and makes me watch every damn game there is but one day she just got the idea of being a police officer and she went with it. And now here we are, in Seattle."

"Here you are"

"Oh c'mon, don't pretend like you didn't miss us! We should catch up properly, with Octavia and maybe Clarke"

Lexa thought about it for a moment, she'd love to catch up with them all but seeing Clarke again? Did she want that? Could she handle that?

"Clarke doesn't have to be there, if it's awkward for you both" Raven must have noticed her hesitation.

"I'd love to, in theory but I'm not sure how Clarke would respond to it."

"I think you're worrying more than necessary. She still misses you, Lexa and I don't think she'd be unwillingly to find out how you've been. You were a big part of her life"

"I miss her too" Lexa sighed and Raven reached forward to give her arm a squeeze of comfort.

"I'll suggest it to her, okay? And we'll leave it up to her to decide"

Lexa nodded, "okay, sure."

"Great! Now give me your number, I'm not letting you disappear from our lives again" Raven cheered up and grabbed her phone.

After her encounter with Raven, Lexa was nervous. They hadn't even set up the meeting yet and she didn't even know if Clarke would agree to seeing Lexa but even the prospect was putting her on edge. She had no idea how she would get through a get together with Clarke there. And what if Noah was there too? She really didn't think this through before agreeing.

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"Raven, you have got to be kidding me! Why would you do that?!" Clarke practically shouted.

"Relax princess, I'm not asking you to jump her bones, it's just a get together or dinner or whatever you wanna do. We all lost Lexa, and now we're all in the same city again then I figured we could catch up. You don't have to come if you don't want to but if you don't, Lexa will know it's because of her"

"So you're basically leaving me no choice?" Clarke crossed her arms.

"Yup! You've moved on, Clarke, you're with Noah now and Lexa doesn't seem to have a problem with meeting with us so I don't understand why you do"

"Because she's my ex, Raven! Do you realise how long it took me to move on from her and now you're forcing me to bring her back into my life"

"Tell me you don't want her in your life."

Clarke stared at her, clearly thinking about it, "I'd prefer to decide when to bring her back into my life"

Raven patted her friend's shoulder, "I'm just getting the ball rolling, you'll thank me eventually"

Clarke groaned loudly, "you need to find something that keeps you busy so you're not interfering with my life"

"Where's the fun in that?"

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Reyes: Everyone is in. Friday 8, plans still aren't perfect but we're thinking dinner then drinks?

Lex: Is drinks really a good idea?

Reyes: Yes, you fun sponge, drinks are definitely necessary. What happened to the old Lex and her beer chugging and body shots?

Lex: I'm no longer 21, Raven

Reyes: You've lost all your fun in your old age but don't worry, I'll help you find it again :)

Lex: Great. Friday at 8, text me the details when you decide where we're going

Reyes: Excited to see you again, sweet cheeks

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"Why are you stressing so much? It's only dinner with friends" Noah asked as he watched Clarke throw away another outfit.

"I'm not stressing, I just don't know what to wear"

"You never usually have trouble with finding something to wear. What's so special about tonight?" Clarke registered the worry in Noah's voice.

She turned to him and stood in between his legs as he sat on the edge of her bed, "nothing is special. I guess I just want to make a good impression, I haven't seen Lexa in such a long time" she rested her hands on his shoulders.

Noah wrapped her arms around her waist, "I shouldn't be worried, should I? With her being your ex and all" she could see the worry lines forming on his forehead.

Clarke leaned down and kissed him, her arms wrapping around his neck, "you have absolutely nothing to worry about, babe. Lexa is my ex, yes but we broke up a long time ago. We both know where we stand. We're just friends, just like me and Octavia or me and Raven".

"Promise me?"

Clarke smiled, "I promise you, silly, me and Lexa are just friends".

With one final kiss, Noah unwrapped his arms from her waist, "c'mon, let's find you something to wear. I'm not having Octavia on my ass for you being late"

Eventually, Clarke settled on something more casual, not wanting to worry Noah any further. Dark blue skin tight jeans, a loose white tank top with a light blue shirt over the top.

Saying goodbye to Noah as he dropped her off before he started his night shift at the hospital, Clarke made her way into the restaurant where she was meeting her friends. Informing the waitress of her reservation name, she was led to a table where Raven and Octavia were already waiting.

"Clarkey! I was expecting a phone call to tell us you couldn't come, you know being the busy resident that you are" Raven welcomed her.

"Nice to see you too, Raven. I'm not on call tonight so you're lucky" Clarke settled into her seat beside Octavia.

"We didn't know whether to have you and Lexa sit together or not, I don't really know how awkward this might be for you" Octavia cleared up the seating arrangements, eyeing Clarke to look for any worry in her face.

"I'm okay, Octavia. We both live in the same city, and I know you two love her and want her in your lives so I can handle this. Lexa and I can be friends"

Octavia pursed her lips at that comment, not fully convinced that they could only be friends. Not with a love like theirs, or a love that once was theirs.

The 3 girls were waiting on Lexa before they began to order, opting to just order a few cocktails while they waited. It soon got to the point that Raven was fidgeting, convinced that Lexa wouldn't show up and Clarke had to stop her from sending some verbally abusive texts to the girl. In fact, they were in the middle of stopping Raven from doing just that when they heard a voice beside their table.

"Yeah Reyes, texting me abuse will just make me stay at home" Lexa smiled down at the girl.

Clarke's eyes slowly raked up the girl and her heart was in her throat once more. She was wearing an almost identical outfit to their first date, but this time switching the jeans for black fitted pants, and switching the white shirt for a black one, with grey suspenders and those damn sleeves. Why must she always roll them up. And to make matters worse, Clarke's eyes couldn't take her eyes off of the new black and white tattoos that Lexa had covering her forearm from the wrist up and disappearing under the shirt. Lexa had a full sleeve tattoo and Clarke was suddenly very, very hot.

"Damn Lexa, you got hotter" Octavia spoke without thinking, immediately receiving a glare from Clarke.

"Soccer keeps me in shape, I guess" she shrugged as she took a seat beside Raven.

Clarke swallowed hard at that comment. "I get it does" she thought to herself and immediately cursed herself for it.

"Hello again, Clarke" Lexa greeted her, and she raised her eyes to meet that intense green and her stomach sank.

"Lexa" she managed to say through a dry mouth. Honestly, what the fuck was going on? She was over Lexa, why the hell was her body reacting like this to her?

"Raven was telling me that you're doing your residency here? How are you enjoying it?" Lexa asked her, never breaking eye contact.

"I love it. It's tiring and it can get really tough sometimes but I love it" she managed to speak strongly.

Lexa nodded, "I'm glad, Clarke. I'm glad you're happy" and with that comment, Lexa dropped her eyes and turned her attention to Octavia. "So what the hell happened, O? Why did you give up on soccer?"

"I haven't given up on it, I'm just not pursuing it professionally. I don't know how to explain it, I just suddenly one day felt a pull towards the police. I'm hoping to one day go further into then SVU department." Octavia shrugged. "What about you though, Miss Big Shot Soccer Player?"

Lexa smiled wide, "I don't have much to say really, I spend my days playing soccer. It's all I do."

"No one new to do?" Raven wiggled her eyes brows and Lexa's eyes immediately scanned Clarke.

"No, no one new, Raven. Sorry to disappoint".

Clarke didn't understand why she was trying to hide a smile at that new information. And she wasn't going to try to understand it either. She was over Lexa. Over!

\\\\\

Lexa had spent most of the night trying not to stare at Clarke, and she was pretty sure that Octavia had noticed. The girl kept giving her a curious look every time their eyes met, but Lexa pretended not to notice. She really didn't want to get into that.

Somehow Clarke had managed to grow even more beautiful over the years, and still looked intensely good in tight jeans. It was hard to keep her eyes from travelling the length of the girl's body any time she was able to. And the drinks that Raven kept supplying her definitely weren't helping her.

After dinner, Raven and Octavia suggest they end the night at a bar that one of Octavia's colleagues had recommended. Apparently the selection of beers was extensive and to Lexa surprise, they were right. She made a mental note to remember this bar and make it her mission to try all of the beers they had to offer. Although at this rate, Raven would have her try every beer tonight.

"Good to see the commander here can still keep up with us" Octavia smiled, clanking her beer bottle against Lexa's.

"I can still drink you under the table, Blake. Nothing has changed there" Lexa challenged and saw the spark in Octavia's eye.

"Woah not a chance, I am not carrying not you home tonight" Raven interrupted before Octavia could jump in to accept the challenge.

"What makes you think I'd need help getting home, huh? Where's the faith, Raven? Where's your faith!?" Octavia shook her girlfriend by the shoulders, causing all 3 girls to laugh.

"Oh I have faith, just not in you. I remember how these drinking competitions go. The only reason you won once was because Lexa wouldn't stop taking body shots off Clarke"

Lexa sneaked a peek at Clarke and saw the girl blushing, and refusing to meet her eyes. Lexa had fully noticed the awkwardness between her and Clarke, the girl barely looked at her or even spoke to her.

It wasn't until later in the night, when everyone was feeling the affects of the alcohol – especially Raven who was by this point throwing up in the bathroom – that Clarke actually sparked up a conversation with Lexa. They were both sitting by the bar, side by side and awkwardly toying with their drinks when Clarke turned to her.

"You look good, Lexa."

Lexa looked at her, was that flirting? Obviously not. She was just complimenting her. Keep it together Lexa. "You do too, Clarke. Better than I remember" she smiled down at her drink.

"I like the new additions" Clarke's finger glided over her forearm and Lexa felt every nerve in her body some to life under the subtle touch.

"I- I uh, yeah, I always wanted to add to it" Lexa couldn't focus on anything other than the finger that was tracing the outlines of her tattoo.

"Is there any meaning behind it? Like the mountain, or the trees?"

Lexa swallowed, "it just reminded me of the cabin, and I really liked the design the artist sketched up"

"I'd have loved to sketch you something, if you had let me" Clarke's hand had stopped, and was currently resting on Lexa's forearm.

"I'll keep that in mind. I'm sure I'm not done with tattoos just yet" she smiled, taking a swig of her beer to help her dry mouth.

Just then, Octavia and Raven returned, "I'm taking this loser home, and she had no faith in me, pft" Octavia was practically holding a very drunk Raven up. How did that happen?

"Yeah, I should head home too, I'm feeling these drinks more than I thought" Clarke said, slipping off her bar stool.

"Are you okay to get home alone?" Octavia asked concerned.

"Ye-"

"I'll get her home safe, don't worry. You take care of Reyes, and remind her how much of a let down she is tomorrow" Lexa slipped off her barstool, ready to set off.

"Don't you worry, I will. She won't forget this. Thanks Lexa, it was great to see you again. Keep in touch!" She finished as she pulled Raven towards the exit.

"You really don't have to walk me home, you know. I can just grab a cab, I don't want to keep you" Clarke shrugged into her leather jacket.

"I like the city at night, walking you home allows me to experience it again. Are you going to deny me that?" Lexa tilted her head.

"I guess you're walking me home then".

The two began their walk to Clarke's, Lexa burying her hands in her pockets to help aid the cold breeze. Why the hell didn't she being a jacket? They were both silent, concentrating on keeping their staggering to a minimum.

Lexa had no idea how far away Clarke lived, she really hadn't thought this through but she couldn't allow her to walk home alone. She wanted to make sure she was safe.

After around 10 minutes of walking in silence, Lexa couldn't take it anymore. "So Noah, huh?"

"What about him?" Clarke asked, keeping her eyes forward.

"He seems nice, is all. Not too shabby looking either" Lexa shrugged, not really knowing where she was going with it.

"He is nice. In fact he's more than nice. Sometimes I feel like he's too nice"

Lexa laughed, "too nice, Clarke? You're complaining your boyfriend is too nice?"

"Nono of course not! I'm just saying"

"What's wrong, you prefer someone that's a little bad? Someone who treats you a little rougher than nice?" Lexa spoke, and realised instantly that that may sound like flirting. And then she realised that frankly, she didn't care. The alcohol took her cares away.

Clarke turned her head to look at her, and Lexa couldn't read her expression. Was that fear? Why was she scared? "He treats me just fine, Lexa"

"Just fine, huh? I guess what they say is right: girls do it better" Lexa shrugged, not thinking about anything that was falling from her mouth.

Clarke came to an abrupt stop, "are you being serious right now?" Her tone was becoming aggressive and normally, that would stop Lexa but right now, it just spurred her on.

Lexa chuckled, "what? I'm not doing anything"

Clarke shook her head, and began walking again, "I'm just round the corner from my apartment, I think I can survive the rest of the way home. You can go now"

"You're awfully defensive of you sex life. You never had a problem joking around when it was with me" Lexa caught up to her.

"I'm not going to discuss my sex life with you, Lexa. That's why"

"I'm getting the feeling it wouldn't be much to discuss anyway" Lexa coughed over a laugh. Drinking really wasn't something she should do, apparently it turned her into an idiot.

Clarke came to another stop just before turning the corner, and stood up to Lexa, "what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you even talking about this?"

"I was winding you up, Clarke. Do you really think I want to know about your sex life?"

"Apparently you do, Lexa. What is it, does thinking about me with someone else get you off? Does thinking about how he fucks me get you off? What is it, Lexa? Do you want to hear about how well he uses his fingers? Or his tongue"Clarke began to step forward into Lexa's space, her voice growing more aggressive.

But before she could continue to shout, Lexa began to lose it and backed Clarke up against the wall, cornering her with her body. "Yet I bet you still wish it was my fingers, or my tongue on you, inside you. I bet he still can't use it as well as I can and I bet that pisses you off." Lexa shifted her leg, pushing it between Clarke's legs and applying pressure, causing Clarke to shiver and Lexa could see the black taking the place of the usual blue within her eyes. "Cause no one is going to make you squirm like I can" she spoke, beginning to move her leg and lowering her lips to Clarke's ear, "no one's going to make you come as hard as I do" she bit down on her earlobe in sync with a thrust from her leg and Clarke let out a moan. "Your body is too in tune with mine, Clarke. And look at how your body still responds to me." She took hold of Clarke's wrists, holding them above her head and she could hear the girl's breathing get heavier.

"Lexa" the girl pleaded, as her body began to take over and she could feel herself start to grind down on Lexa's leg.

"What did I tell you? You can't control yourself with me, Clarke." She pulled back, looking at the blonde's face and watching as she bit down on her lip and her eyes fluttered open and shut. "Do you even remember who Noah is?"

At the name, Clarke snapped out of whatever trance she had found herself in. She had let herself get lost in Lexa all over again, and she had let this get too far. This was wrong.

She pushed against Lexa, "stop" she demanded and the girl removed herself from Clarke, taking a few steps back. "Fuck Lexa, fuck!".

"I'm sorry, I really have no idea what just came over me. I shouldn't have done that"

"We both shouldn't have. Ugh fuck this is so messed up, why did you have to be right?" Clarke spoke, her heads in her hands.

"About what?"

"I can't help myself with you. You have this stupid fucking control over me that I can't fight. You always have. My body just responds to you and I can't stop it"

Lexa reached forward to take Clarke's hand but Clarke gave her a look which told her not to "don't Lexa, I can't handle you touching me right now"

Lexa backed away again, "for your sake, I wish I wasn't right. I'll back off. As I said, I don't know what just came over me. It's just, seeing you after so long. I still want you Clarke, I always have" she admitted. Yeah, drinking really was the worst thing for her to do.

Clarke looked at her in shock, and then Lexa could see the tears begin to form in her eyes, "I can't do this right now, Lexa. I can't. I'm sorry" and she began to walk off around the corner.

Lexa let her leave, she knew she was close enough to home to be safe. And she couldn't put her through anything more tonight. Lexa had fucked up.

Why the fuck did she do that?

Apparently Lexa had no damn control when it came to Clarke either. No control over anything.


	3. Chapter 3

Waking up the next morning, all the memories of last night came flooding back and she groaned as she rolled herself over and hit something solid.

"What the-" she quickly lowered her voice as she found Noah asleep next to her. He must have let himself in, he had a tendency to crawl into Clarke's bed after a night, claiming he preferred her bed to his. Really, he was just that much of a softie that he preferred sleeping beside Clarke.

She dug the heels of her palms into her eyes, utterly frustrated with herself over last night. How the fuck did she let herself get into the situation? And why hadn't she just pushed Lexa away right away? She shouldn't have let her get so close, not when she knew what effect the girl had on her. Everything Lexa had said was true, she couldn't control herself around her, she couldn't resist her. All it took was Lexa taking that control like she used to and Clarke was like putty in her hands.

She had to avoid being alone with her. That was the only way she could guarantee it wouldn't happen again. She would prefer it if she could avoid her altogether but she was realistic, she knew that was impossible. Particularly due to Raven and Octavia.

"You're thinking awfully loud" she jumped when she heard the voice from beside her.

"Jesus fuck, Noah! I almost died!" She exclaimed, her heart racing from the scare.

Noah rolled over, turning to face her as he chuckled, "good thing I know CPR" he smiled, kissing her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I woke you, you must be exhausted" Clarke looked at the clock, seeing it was 11am. Noah must have only been home for just over 2 hours.

"Mm don't be sorry, I love waking up to you" he spoke roughly, his arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her against his body, causing her to Yelp in surprise. She could feel his morning wood pressing against her hip.

"I'm surprised you even have to energy" Clarke smiled, her hand beginning to run through his hair as his lips worked up her neck.

"I think you can feel I have enough energy" he spoke, circling his hips a little just to emphasis his erection.

Before Clarke could reply, she was suddenly grabbed and pulled on top of him, ending up straddling his hips. How the hell did he move so fast with so little sleep?

"Someone is a little eager this morning" she smiled down at him, her hair forming a curtain around his face.

"Maybe you woke me up from a particularly exciting dream that I'd love to make reality" he smirked, pushing back one side of her hair to tuck under her ear.

"Oh really? What was happening in your dream?" She played along.

"Let me show you" he smirked before he brought his lips to hers, and began on making his dream come true.

\\\\\

Lexa woke up to her phone vibrating non stop against her bedside table.

"Fuuuck" she groaned as she reached for it, her eyes still closed, "Lexa" she spoke, not bothering to check the caller ID.

"You stood me up!" She heard the familiar Scottish accent.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, she sighed loudly, "shit, sorry. I didn't realise the time".

"Since when did you sleep in so late? It's 11:30, Woods!"

Lexa sat up in bed, her head a little tender from last night but other than that, no hangover. "I sleep in one in the 2 years you've known me, and this is what I get".

"Hell yeah, especially when you stand me up it is. No one stands me up, unless you're an eegit".

Lexa couldn't help but laugh at the Scottish slang, spending so much time with the girl had allowed her to learn most of it. It did take her a good 6 month before she could understand half the words she would say though.

"I'm sure Fishlock or Pinoe would have been happy to have filled in for me this morning"

"I could never replace my favourite girl, but enough about how you stood me up. How did it go?"

Lexa took a second to think about what happened last night and sunk further into her bed whilst letting out a loud sigh.

She could hear Little laugh through the phone, "that bad, huh?"

"Worse" was all she could muster from a reply.

"Spill it, Woods!"

"I have to figure some stuff out first, can we have a rain check?"

"Fine, but I'm not letting you forget it!"

Lexa had fucked up, she fucked up big time. Why did she think it was an okay idea to come into Clarke? Actually, 'come on' was a bit too polite, more like practically dry humped the girl with her thigh. What an idiot. Clarke wasn't hers any longer, Clarke was with Noah. Lexa had no right to speak the way she did, or do the things she did. Clarke didn't want that.

But then, more memories came flooding back to her. Clarke's breathing becoming uneven and heavy, something Lexa knew the sound of all too well; Clarke's breathless release of her name; Clarke's body shivering against her; Clarke's subtle moans, so quiet she almost missed them; Clarke's blue eyes turning dark and lustful; and Clarke's hips, grinding down on her thigh as her body gave in.

Clarke still wanted her.

Or at least, Clarke couldn't resist her. Lexa didn't particularly believe it when she told Clarke she couldn't stop herself, Lexa had hoped it was true. For her own selfish reasons, of course but she was right. Clarke couldn't stop it, and Lexa wasn't sure she was strong enough to keep away.

She wanted Clarke, in any way she could have her. Even if that meant crossing a line.

\\\\\

Clarke had found herself in her mother's office as she began her shift at the hospital Monday morning. She sat in the chair opposite the glass desk, playing with the pen clipped to the pocket of her surgeon's coat, patiently waiting on her mother's arrival.

Soon enough, the wait was over as Dr. Abby Griffin entered her office, "Clarke sweetie, I'm glad you got my message".

"Hi mom" she greeted the woman, both of them embracing in a tight but short hug. "So what's wrong, mom?"

"Oh nothing is wrong, darling. I just wanted to see you and to run something by you" she spoke as she pulled one of the stair chairs closer to Clarke's.

"Run something by me?" Clarke lowered her eyebrows in confusion.

Abby settled in the seat opposite her daughter, reaching out to take one of Clarke's hands. "You're making me nervous here" Clarke laughed nervously.

"You know Dr. Marcus Kane, chief of neuro?" Clarke nodded, waiting for her mother to continue, "well honey, Marcus and I have been, I don't quite know how to put this: seeing each other? Dating?" Her mother laughed quietly to herself, "Marcus and I have been spending a lot of time together and we've grown very close, he's quite the gentleman, a lot like your Noah. And well, we both came to a decision and as much as I would love to agree, I wanted to run it by you first".

Abby was playing with her fingers, "what is it, mom?"

"We want to move in together" Abby blurted out.

Clarke smiled, not quite sure why her mother had to ask her about this, "that's great, mom. I've only worked with him on few occasions but he seems like a great guy, mom and if he makes you happy, then I'm happy for you both" she gave her mom's hand a reassuring squeeze.

"You're okay with it?"

"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

"Just with your father, I know it's been a long time since we lost him but I didn't want you to feel like I was replacing him" Abby spoke softly.

"Mom, dad would want you to be happy again. And if Marcus is the guy to do that, then I'm sure he would approve too" she smiled, and her mom returned it as both of their eyes shimmered with water at the mention of Jake Griffin.

The rest of her shift was fairly uneventful, only a few cases of work accidents that resulted in losing fingertips or breaking bones. Minor accidents were a usual for the Monday morning trauma shift.

Not that Clarke was complaining, it made for an easy enough shift compared to weekends on the night shift but it was the pressure of trauma that attracted her to the position. And fingertips being lost wasn't a a stressful procedure.

Just as her shift was about to end, Noah made his way into the locker room and gave out a low whistle, "You sure make a good start to the night shift".

Clarke laughed as she took the remaining items out of her locker, "I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend at home"

"Oh really? He's one exceptionally lucky man" he smiled as he walked towards her, leaning against the locker beside hers.

"He most certainly is"

"Maybe what he doesn't know won't hurt him though" he reached out and pulled her close to him.

As much as Clarke would usually play along in the past, that remark had the memories of Friday night flashing back at her. "You're going to be late for your shift, don't make my mom kick your ass"

Noah sighed, placing a gentle kiss to her nose, "gotta keep on Dr Griffin's good side, I am dating her incredibly beautiful daughter after all"

"You bet your ass you do, she'll make your life hell if you get in her bad books. I should know"

"One little kiss before I'm stuck in this place all night?" He tilted his head to the side, giving her puppy dog eyes. How could she refuse? She leaned into him and pressed her lips to his, expecting it to be short and sweet but before she knew it, Noah has deepened the kiss and was asking for access with his tongue. But at that moment, her head was still filled with Lexa, and Lexa's leg between her legs and how awful she felt because she had loved every second of it. She couldn't continue with this kiss whilst those thoughts plagued her, guilt was dripping into each movement.

"Ugh again!" Clarke thanked the heavens as the interruption came before she had to come up with an excuse as to why she broke off the kiss. "Why is it every time I walk into this room, you two are sucking face?"

"When you're as attractive as us both, you just can't help yourselves. You should realise that by now, Harper" Noah smiled over at the girl, no embarrassment evident on his face.

"Keep it out of this hospital, it's insanitary. Imagine all the germs you're passing from each other"

"No need to worry anymore, Harper. My shift is up" giving Noah one last, quick kiss, Clarke headed to the door.

"Enjoy your shift guys!"

"Yeah yeah" both of them said as unenthusiastically as ever as she left them.

\\\\\

"Huh" Raven muttered to herself as she read her text.

"What?" Octavia immediately turned her attention to her girlfriend instead of the reruns of Law and Order: SVU Octavia insisted on watching every time she found it on TV.

"Lexa just asked me for Clarke's phone number".

That caused Octavia to sit up on the sofa from her position of laying with her head on Raven's lap, "what? Why?"

Raven shrugged, "she didn't say why, just asked if I could give her it"

"Are you going to?"

Raven looked at her girlfriend who was currently staring at her with wide eyes, "I don't know, should I? I mean why wouldn't I? They're friends, right?" Octavia just shrugged, "you're done great help, O"

"Well I don't know! Clarke wasn't very impressed with me for not telling her about Anya. She practically stopped talking to me for days"

"So I shouldn't send her it?"

"I don't know, maybe Clarke wouldn't mind. They were talking fine on Friday"

"So I should send her it?"

Octavia shrugged again and Raven threw her arms up in frustration, "honestly O, where would I be without you? You're so helpful!"

Octavia threw a cushion at Raven, smacking her in the side of the head, "don't be an ass, you ass. Do what you want you think is best."

"I'm not gonna send it" she decided then saw the screwed up look on Octavia's face. "What!"

"Nothing!"

"That was not nothing, you made a face when I said I wasn't going to send it!"

"I did not!" Octavia shouted back.

"You did too!"

"I did not!" The both of them continued to bicker before Raven suddenly stood up from the sofa.

"Oh my god! This is getting us nowhere, give me a coin. I'm flipping for it"

Octavia handed her a coin and Raven examined it, "okay so, heads I give her it, tails I don't. Deal?" Octavia nodded her head in agreement just before Raven flipped the coin into the air, caught it and covered it over the back of her hand.

"So?"

"I can't look"

"Stop being a pansy, Reyes and look at the damn coin!"

Closing both of her eyes and slowly peeking through one, Raven lifted her hand to see the head side of the coin. "Looks like Lexa is getting Clarke's number"

"Uh oh" Octavia spoke and received a glare from Raven.

"Do not speak another word! The coin has spoken!" Raven quickly grabbed her phone and sent the text, "no going back now"

"Clarke is going to kick your ass for that" Octavia shrugged, settling herself back on her current position.

"Shut up, O, we are not talking about this any longer. You can't defy the coin"

"Your ass is toast" Octavia spoke again, before Raven's hand covered her mouth and not even her attempts at licking her palm made her remove it. Accepting her fate of not being able to speak, Octavia returned her attention back to the TV.

Raven was dead meat.

\\\\\

Unknown number: Hi Clarke, I hope you don't mind but I got your number off Raven. I think we really need to talk, and well I hope you think so to.

Unknown number: It's Lexa btw, in case you didn't know.

Clarke stared at her screen, her heart beginning to beat out of her chest. Talk? That was the last thing they needed to do. Talking involved being together, being in close proximity together and it was clear then Clarke was incapable of controlling her stupid self when that happened. Nope, talking was definitely not what they needed to do. What was there to talk about anyway? Clarke made a mistake, Lexa made a mistake, they were both drunk, and now they had to forget about it. Clarke was with Noah. Clarke was certain that talking was not what they needed to do, forgetting it ever happened was more of an appealing idea (not that she'd been able to forget about it since it happened, but that's besides the point). Yeah, that's what was for the best. Forgetting about it.

Clarke: I think we should talk too

Clearly Clarke's brain had no control over her fingers because that was not even remotely close to what she had decided to reply. What the fuck?

Lexa: Great. Can we meet? Maybe over a coffee or something? I'm free for the next 2 weeks so any time that is good for you is fine for me.

Can we meet? Hell nope. Coffee? Hell nope.

Clarke: Wednesday at 6pm? There's a small diner a few blocks from my apartment, Jacob's Diner.

Yup, Clarke had lost all control of her fingers. Those suckers had a mind of their own because that was NOT what she had decided.

Lexa: Wednesday, 6pm and Jacob's Diner. Great. I'll see you there, Clarke.

Clarke: See you soon.

Well it was settled, Clarke was an idiot and frankly, Raven was dead meat.


	4. Chapter 4

"It's Clarke" Octavia tried to mouth quietly as she stood at the door, looking through the peephole.

Raven stood there, wondering what to do, should she grow a pair a stand her ground, taking Clarke on face to face or should she run away and hide, hoping Octavia had her back. Which bitch, she best 6 years together meant she should have her back!

"You two are not subtle at all, I can hear you two and youse best open the damn door!" Clarke spoke loud enough to be heard through the door.

Yeah, she should definitely run and hide but before she could move, she heard Octavia opening the door. "Traitor!" She shouted whilst running to put the sofa between her and Clarke.

"You" Clarke pointed towards Raven as she ignored Octavia and began to make her way towards her.

"It wasn't my fault!" Raven protested, "it was the coin! You can't go against the coin, Clarke!"

"You're dead, Raven Reyes" she stated, her glare set steadily on Raven and she was pretty sure this was the end. Clarke reached the sofa and began to walk around it, causing Raven to move around it the opposite way. "Don't make this harder for you, Raven" she warned as she picked up the pace.

Both girls were practically running around the sofa and dodging grabbing hands not much longer than a few seconds later, "babe! You're supposed to be a cop, she's trying to kill me!"

"Don't bring me into this, you're on your own here"

Raven felt betrayed, utterly betrayed. So much so that she slowed down to glare at her so-called love of her life which created just enough time for Clarke to reach her and grab her, pulling her into a headlock. "Are you out of your mind!?"

"I didn't think it was that big of a deal! You two are friends, right?" Raven defended herself as she felt her face heat up from the blood rushing to it.

"At my own pace! Dammit you two, why do you both have to keep making decisions for me?" She spoke exasperated, letting go of Raven and flopping down on the sofa. "I need to bring Lexa back into my life at my pace, not you two making it all crash in at once"

Raven began to run at her neck, letting all the blood rush away from her head and Octavia made her way across the room, taking a seat beside her best friend. "We just, it's difficult deciding what to do or what's best. We're both friends with Lexa too, hell Raven and Lexa were like us before she left. We want to keep the both of you happy".

"Yeah Clarke-" Raven held her hands up in surrender as Clarke's glare broke off her sentence.

"I understand that but it seems like you two just keep throwing me head first into situations with Lexa and it's hard" Clarke's face softened.

"Why is it so hard?" Octavia asked as Raven tested sitting beside Clarke and was glad when the girl didn't stop her.

"Because it's Lexa." Clarke sighed.

"Clarke, can I ask something that might be a little uncomfortable?" Raven spoke softly and was thankful when Clarke nodded in response, "do you still love her?"

Clarke threw her head back against the sofa, groaning loudly into her hands as they covered her face, "I don't know" she admitted.

"You don't know or you don't want to think about it?"

"Both. I can't still love Lexa. I mean, of course I still love her, I care about her and I always will. She was my first love, like a love that consumed me and broke me all at the same time. But am I in love with her still? I can't be" Clarke rambled.

"And why can't you?" Octavia asked as she took hold of one of Clarke's hands.

"Because I love Noah. And I can't be in love with two people at the same time"

"I think you can, and honey, I think you are" Raven said, patting her thigh.

Clarke could feel the tears threatening her eyes and she blinked rapidly to stop them from forming, "what the fuck do I do?"

Raven and Octavia looked at one another, concern evident in both of their eyes, "we don't know, honey." They admitted, hating that they didn't know how to help their friend.

"I'm screwed" Clarke declared.

"You'll figure this out, you always do. And we'll be here to help you in any way we can" Octavia reassured her.

This was going to be one problem that won't be solved any time soon.

/

Wednesday had arrived way too soon for Clarke to be comfortable with, she wasn't prepared for being alone with Lexa again. Noah had already noticed the nerves in her before he left for the hospital, which she just waved off as leftover nerves from a car crash that had caused her to stay later at the hospital. She wasn't entirely sure he had believed her but he didn't push her for any more information if he didn't. One of the many things she loved about him. And Lexa.

Dammit!

It was official, she was in love with two people. She thought for certain she was over Lexa, but who was she kidding. She just buried her feelings for the girl, which was easy enough when you didn't hear or see her for years and had a busy life to keep her occupied. But now Lexa had re-entered her life and she couldn't bury those feelings anymore, and she had made it clear she couldn't bury her attraction either.

Clarke made her way to the diner, opting to dress as casual as possible whilst still trying to make somewhat of an effort. She didn't need Lexa knowing all the thoughts that had been swirling around her head lately. That was locked up information. So she settled with a simple pair of light blue skin-tight jeans which were ripped at the knee, and a black and white checkered flannel shirt with her white chucks and leather jacket.

She arrived at the diner a few minutes early, but already found Lexa sitting in a booth. The girl hadn't noticed Clarke yet so she took the opportunity to study her. She was wearing a loose denim shirt with short sleeves, revealing more of her sleeve tattoo and Clarke's fingers itched to trace the newly exposed lines like she had done at the bar. Drawing her eyes away from the tattoo, she took in the obvious tension in the girl's jawline, which caused it to clench in the most delicious way possible, so much so she found it hard to look away. It didn't help that she had her hair back in a messy bun, allowing full view of that beautiful bone structure.

She was just taking in the sight of her pursed lips, and thinking about how unfair it was the her lip shape was perfectly sculpted like the rest of her when she saw those lips stretch into a smile. She had saw Clarke. Shaking herself out of her stalker-like staring, she made her way over to Lexa.

"You came" Lexa observed, causing Clarke to smile.

"Of course I did, why wouldn't I?" Clarke settled into the booth, opposite side to Lexa.

"I just- I didn't know if you wanted to see me" Lexa admitted as the waiter made her way over, taking their drinks order. Lexa with a simple black coffee and Clarke with a green tea.

"I wouldn't have agreed to meet then stand you up, Lexa" Clarke told her, and she nodded in acknowledgement.

The pair fell silent for a bit, none of them sure who should initiate the conversation topic they knew they couldn't avoid.

The silence lasted until the waiter returned with their drinks, wrapping her hands around the warm mug, Lexa spoke up, "so Friday" she trailed off.

"Friday" Clarke repeated, not knowing what to say.

"I wanted to apologise again for my behaviour. I felt I owed you an apology whilst I wasn't intoxicated" Lexa let out, before taking a sip of coffee.

"We were both drinking, and we were both struggling with seeing each other again after so long. It's understandable we handled it badly. You don't have to apologise, Lexa" Clarke told her, she didn't in any way blame Lexa for what happened that night.

"No, I do. I feel like I forced myself upon you an-"

"You didn't force yourself upon me, Lexa. I didn't try to stop you" Clarke interrupted, dropping her head in shame, "I should have"

"I didn't give you the opportunity to. Don't blame yourself for this, Clarke. It was me, it's all on me. I was drunk and I stupidly let my attraction towards you get the better of me. I should have better control" Lexa took the blame, trying to take the weight off Clarke's shoulders.

"You're not the only one who should have better control" Clarke added, "I should have stopped you, but I didn't. I couldn't."

"But you did" Lexa reminded her.

"Only because you mentioned Noah, if you didn't.." Clarke trailed off, shaking her head.

Lexa waited for her to reply but when she realised she was done talking, Lexa spoke up again, "you stopped me, Clarke. You stopped it before it got too far. Don't beat yourself up over the 'what ifs'. I got cocky, I got possessive and I wanted to see if I still had the effect on you"

"You do" Clarke admitted and Lexa immediately hated the spark of happiness that alighted within her at the confession. Regardless of what Clarke felt towards Lexa – if she even felt anything – she still had a weakness for her, and that was good enough.

The pair continued to talk over coffee, catching up on the years they missed. Although things started off awkward, it didn't take them long before they fell back into that comfortable conversation, and finally began to relax around each other. Before they knew it, a couple of hours had passed and by now they even found themselves laughing along with one another and Lexa began to find it more difficult not to tease Clarke and hold back her flirtatious remarks.

"You'll never guess what song I came across the other day" Lexa knew this topic wasn't the best idea but she couldn't stop the words coming from her mouth. Clarke lifted her eyebrows in response, waiting for Lexa to answer, "Cassie, me and u"

Clarke threw her head back in laughter, "I can't believe I gave you a damn lap dance before we even had our first date"

"That lap dance secured you that first date, I wouldn't regret it" Lexa responded.

"Is that right? So I wouldn't have gotten a date if I hadn't given you a lap dance?"

Lexa shrugged her shoulders, tilting her head slightly, "not entirely, but when a girl gives you that good of a show, you can't not treat her. Although, as I recall, I treated you more than once that night" Lexa smirked, and immediately regretted the comment. She had to stop flirting with her, especially when she invited her here to apologise for doing exactly that.

That was until she heard Clarke's reply: "I think that was the first night I got a little sneak peak of how much you like to take control".

Lexa stated at Clarke not knowing what to say, did she really just flirt back? Or was she just reminiscing?

"What can I say? I'm a bit of a top" Lexa shrugged playfully, trying to contain the full blown smile she wanted to show.

"A bit? Lexa, you're a full blown top. Unless well, unless that's changed now. It has been 3 years but you seemed pretty in control on Friday" Clarke's eyes dropped to the table.

"My lips are sealed, Griffin. Maybe one day you'll find out" Lexa winked and she saw the brief widening and darkening of Clarke's eyes before she composed herself.

Swallowing loudly, Clarke then cleared her throat, "I should probably be getting back"

"Oh god I went too far, didn't I? I'm sorry, Clarke. Fuck. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable again. Dammit!" Lexa ranted, putting her head in her hands.

"I encouraged it, and I shouldn't have. We're both at fault here. Don't blame yourself, Lexa. I guess we just, we just got too comfortable again" Clarke's eyes softened.

"It's hard not to around you" Lexa admitted, and Clarke nodded in response.

"I know. But I- I'm with Noah and I have to set boundaries with us."

"Right, Noah" Lexa's voice took on a tough edge.

"Lexa" Clarke warned, seeing the clench in the girl's jaw.

"I should go. Again, I'm sorry about over stepping the line. You're with someone else, I'll respect that. It was nice seeing you again, Clarke" Lexa spoke as she left money on the table for the cheque and left before Clarke could consider what to say. Or if she should say anything.

So much for behaving around Lexa, she had practically just flirted for hours with her ex. Frankly, she was surprised it didn't go further. She had been feeling the attraction pulling at her every time she saw that familiar spark in Lexa's eyes, that sensual voice reminding her of memories that were all too pleasing to think about. She hadn't even realised she had been clenching her thighs together most of the conversation until she registered the ache in her muscles.

But she had controlled herself and for that, she figured it was possible to be around Lexa without her losing that control. They could be friends, couldn't they?

\\\\\

"Bellamy is visiting, you have to come! Practically everyone is going to be there, it'll be like a little reunion" Octavia whined down the phone to Lexa.

"And by everyone, you mean?"

"Bells, Anya, Lincoln, Jasper, Noah, Clarke and of course the beautiful couple, Raven and I. You can't ditch us, Lexa. We'll all feel unloved, do you want us to feel unloved, Lexa?"

Lexa sighed, "fine, it's a bit short notice but I'll be there but I'm not partaking in any of you obscene drinking games. You're supposed to be a cop, you know like drinking responsibly"

"Psht please, I'm only 24. I'll get boring when I hit 40. Maybe you should loosen up a little, Miss I'm-26-and-no-longer-have-fun." Octavia practically sang down the phone.

"You sure know how to make someone want to be in your company, Blake"

"You love me really. I hate to leave you but someone has to go stock up on food and alcohol, I'll see you in a few, Lexa!"

"See you later"

Lexa hung up and threw her phone onto the sofa beside her. She was hoping to spend her Saturday night alone, with her TV to keep her company or even geek out on the play station but of course Octavia had other ideas. And unfortunately those ideas consisted of being in the same room as Noah and Clarke, Noah who will no doubt have his hands all over Clarke and simply because he can. Tonight was going to suck. She was beginning to wish they hadn't discovered Lexa was in the same city, her life was so much simpler and easier than it is now.

Hours later, Lexa was sat in Raven and Octavia's lounge with a beer in her hand and a slice of pizza in the other. So tonight wasn't as bad as she originally thought it would be, it was great seeing Bellamy and Jasper again. Both men hadn't really changed since the last time she saw them, apart from Bells actually cutting that damn floppy hair a lot shorter and Jasper finally managed to grow some facial hair. Which suited him well, Lexa had to admit, he no longer looked like he had a baby face and allowed him to look a lot more mature. Everyone was getting along just like back in college, Lincoln and Bellamy hadn't even left each other's side most of the night which had resulted in a lot of 'no homo' and 'bromance' jokes from the group. What surprised her the most though was that Anya and Octavia had suddenly became somewhat friends? They had been stuck in their own conversation for around 20 minutes now whilst the rest of them had been shouting and cheering on either Bellamy or Noah as they played Fifa and Lexa had even seen Anya smile a couple of times. When did this happen?

"You guys are particularly awful at this" Lexa declared, unimpressed by either of the men.

"Oh I forgot, we're in the presence of a big shot soccer player here." Bellamy threw a sly smile over his shoulder.

"Damn right you are. Let me show you both how it's done, I'll play the winner" Lexa propositioned and they both agreed. Lexa allowed herself to glance over at Clarke for the probably hundredth time of the night, which wouldn't have been so tempting if the girl hadn't decided to wear a damn skirt. Honestly, Lexa was adamant that she had done it on purpose, just to test Lexa's control and if she was being honest with herself, her control was fading fast.

"YES!" Noah cheered from the floor, and Lexa tore her gaze away from Clarke's dangerously tempting legs and noticed that Noah had won against Bellamy. Great. Lexa vs Noah, the irony. "Guess it's you and me, Lexa" Noah smiled kindly at her and she couldn't help the ping of guilt she felt, he really did seem like a lovely guy.

"I hope you're ego isn't hurt too much when a girl beats you" Lexa declared as she took the controller from Bellamy and sat on the floor beside Noah.

"Not when, if. I've got some skills under my sleeve" Noah joked.

"For your sake, I hope you do"

Lexa had to admit, Noah wasn't too bad at the game and by that she meant he was good at making legal sliding tackles and intercepting the ball once Lexa was near his goal but the guy was terrible at setting up any form of attack. He barely made it into her half of the field the full first half but to his credit, he had shut down most of Lexa's game plays and only allowed a few to get past him which she unfortunately went onto send the ball too wide or too high.

"Half time and still no goal, Lexa? I thought you were a pro" Raven shook her head in shame.

"I thought I'd at least let him have a scoreless first half, I don't want to embarrass him too much" Lexa joked.

"You just can't get past my defence, striker" Noah nudged her shoulder with his.

"You're going down" Lexa warned.

The second half started of relatively similar to the first, but with Raven and Bellamy teasing her in her ear, calling her out for being a lousy soccer player and Clarke's silence as she watched her and Noah compete, Lexa had to up her game. Trying to recall most of the controls to allow her players to use tricks, she began to catch Noah's defence line off balance and sent a ball crashing into the back of the net from just outside the box.

"YES! I knew you had it in you!" Jasper roared from his place behind the sofa.

Lexa smiled smugly, welcoming the cheers from her friends and the boos from Noah and Bellamy, "don't be bitter, boys. Just get better".

The game continued and allowed Noah finally made himself a few chances, none of them payed off and Lexa was too fast on the counter attack for him to catch, and the game ended 3-0. Setting the controller down, she stood up "all in a day's work" she spoke.

"I need to brush up on my Fifa skills, and then we're having ourselves a rematch" Noah spoke as he stood up beside her, offering his hand for her to shake, "deal?"

Lexa looked him over then accepted his hand "deal" she smiled back at him and for a moment, she forget all about him being Clarke's boyfriend and she found herself actually liking the guy. That was until he pulled his hand away and took a seat beside Clarke, leaning over to press his lips to her temple and she had to pull her eyes away.

The rest of the night, Lexa decided it would be a bad idea to continue with the amount of time it was taking her to drink her beers and decided to slow it down. A lot. She also decided that she had to keep her eyes away from Clarke, especially when she would find Clarke staring back at her when she would sneak a glance. So she tried to avoid her, or at least avoid her as best as she could without it becoming awkward.

"You okay?" Anya asked as she stood beside her at the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, course. It's just weird, you know? Seeing everyone back together." Lexa lied.

Anya nodded as she looked over at everyone, "it's a small world, I guess"

Lexa let out a laugh, "a small world? I'm going to go with damn well microscopic, what are the odds?"

"Probably like a million to one or something, I don't know. You know how much I hate math" Anya complained.

"I had to deal with you complaining about it all through high school, how could I forget?" Lexa smiled at her best friend.

"Get over here you two, it's time for more drinking games!" Jasper shouted from the circle the group were in and both Anya and Lexa groaned in response.

Lexa had somehow managed to avoid drinking too much during the game but as far as she could tell, no one else was so lucky. In fact, most of the group were definitely wasted by now and way too energetic for this time of time and Lexa was a little worried about the level of noise that was coming from them all regardless of Raven reassuring everyone that their neighbours were just as loud most weekends and they didn't mind. Lexa had lost sight of some of the group, everyone had pretty much began to run havoc around the apartment whilst half of them were caught in a game of hide and seek and the other half were either dancing or talking. Octavia tried to pull Lexa into a dance but her bladder felt like it was about to burst and she couldn't ignore it any longer so she excused herself and ran upstairs to the bathroom.

She burst through the door without locking it behind her and quickly relieved herself. She was washing her hands when the door opened, "can't I even pee in peace in this house?" she joked without turning around. She heard the door click closed behind her and assumed that whoever it was had left until she turned around and was face to face with Clarke.

"Sorry, I just wanted to get in before anyone else tried to jump in front" she explained.

"You could've waited outside, Clarke" Lexa reasoned, not quite understanding why Clarke had found it necessary to lock herself in the bathroom with her.

"As I said, I wanted to get in before anyone else did. You know what the guys are like" she shrugged, but Lexa wasn't buying it especially since the girl had made no attempt to move away from the door.

"You sure about that, Clarke?" Lexa tilted her head, her eyes turning intense as she challenged Clarke and decided to take it further by taking a step towards her.

She watched as Clarke swallowed, taking a step back which only allowed her back to meet with the door, "I'm sure" she raised her chin but Lexa wasn't convinced. Not even the slightest.

"You want to know what I think, Clarke?" Lexa asked, taking another small step forward and continued before Clarke could answer her, "I think you knew I was in here and you couldn't stop yourself. Just like the first time we were together". She took another step, finally closing the space between them, "you want to know what else I think, Clarke?" She made specific effort to include Clarke's name, watching as she began to fidget against the door because of it. Clarke forget how well Lexa knew her, knew when she was turned on, knew when she was beginning to lose her composure and Lexa was currently seeing all those signs from the girl.

"What?" she finally spoke, meeting Lexa's eyes and claiming back that little piece of composure and control, "please continue with whatever you think you know" she bit back which only caused Lexa to smirk slyly.

"I think you wore that skirt on purpose tonight" Lexa spoke, her hand itching to reach out and touch the exposed skin just below the hem of it.

Clarke laughed and she straightened up, lifting her chin and meeting Lexa's gaze with eyes just as intense and dark as her own and with one small step, she pressed her body against Lexa's "why would I do that, Lexa?" she challenged.

"To tease me, to drive me crazy. Just like you always done" Lexa tried not to think of the heat she could feel radiating from Clarke's body, or the general feeling of her being pressed against her, or the feel of the girl's breath on her lips.

Clarke smiled smugly, "did it work…" she paused, bringing her lips closer to Lexa's so close they were almost touching, "commander?" she finished and Lexa's breath caught in her throat at the all too familiar nickname which always had a hidden meaning coming from Clarke.

"Yes" she choked, her throat suddenly too dry.

"Always so easily tempted. Maybe you weren't the only one who wanted to test self-control and by that flustered look you've got going on right now, I'd say I've found my answer" she smirked, before lightly brushing her lips against Lexa's before planting a soft kiss at the side of her lips. "Now that I've got my answer, I guess I can return to our friends" she turned, leaving Lexa frozen in shock.

It wasn't until Lexa realised Clarke was about to pull the door open that she brought herself out of her trance, throwing her hand out to stop the door from opening and pressing herself against Clarke's back, pinning her against the door. She locked the door again, and took hold of both of Clarke's hands, pinning them flat against the door at each side of her head, "I think you're forgetting something, Clarke" she warned.

Clarke's breathing had become heavy, but her expression still remained composed and she still spoke with that smug attitude, "I'm sure you're about to remind me"

"You forget how fucking badly I loved to punish you for teasing me so much, Clarke" she spoke through gritted teeth as she let go of one of Clarke's hands in order to brush her free hand up the back of Clarke's thigh, "let's see if you still grow so wet you're dripping from my fingers after a spanking, shall we?" her hand gave Clarke's ass a firm squeeze and the girl squirmed against her, her forehead pressing against the door.

"Oh god, Lexa. Yes"


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke knew this was wrong, she knew she should stop this but she couldn't. Lexa was right – once again – Clarke had wore a skirt on purpose tonight, and that purpose? She wasn't too sure. She had told herself it wasn't to wind Lexa up like this; she had told herself that it was a purely innocent test but here she was, pinned against Octavia's bathroom door and asking Lexa to touch her.

She could feel Lexa's breath on the back of her neck, and she heard the sharp in take when Clarke said yes. Apparently she was just as surprised by how easily Clarke gave in.

Lexa raised her skirt, revealing her underwear, "I'm thinking we add these to the number of panties you've ruined because of me" Lexa spoke in her ear, explaining why she hadn't bothered to remove them.

Clarke was about to bit back with a sarcastic remark when she felt Lexa's hand connect with her ass and she let out a yelp, the moisture between her legs beginning to increase.

"You're lucky the music is so loud, Clarke. You've never been good at keeping quiet". Lexa really had to stop saying her name like that, or she was sure she was going to lose it.

She felt another spank, followed by another and she couldn't contain the smile that spread on her face. "How many?" She asked.

Lexa's hand stilled on her ass as she felt her press up against her, grinding her hips against Clarke's ass. Lexa must have moved her hair to one side at some point, because she suddenly felt her lips on the spot below her ear. She tried, she tried so hard to keep it from escaping her mouth but before she could bite down on her lip, a moan escaped her lips at everything Lexa was doing to her body.

"As many as it takes to make you soaked" Lexa promised and she felt her hand begin to travel from her ass to between her legs. Lexa hummed her approval in her ear and the noise sent shivers down her spine, she tried to grip the wood of the door but with no luck.

Lexa was driving her fucking insane.

"Somethings never change: always so ready for me to fuck you", Lexa removed her hand and pulled back in order to turn Clarke around so they were face to face.

Lexa's eyes were feral, she was looking at Clarke like a predator looks at their prey and she felt like squirming underneath that stare.

"I want you to say it, Clarke" Lexa commanded as her hand gripped the blonde's waist, keeping her pressed against her body.

Clarke knew what Lexa wanted to hear but saying it out loud just made it too real, and she couldn't bring herself to say the words. "I can't"

"Just say the words, and I'll give you what your body is craving. I felt how wet you are, I can feel your body shaking and your eyes are black. You want it."

"Then why do you need me to say it"

"Because I refuse to fuck you until you tell me you want it"

"Fucking hell, Lexa. Why do you have to make this more difficult than it already is!" Clarke was frustrated. She wanted it, who the hell was she kidding. Of course she wanted it. She needed it. But saying those words just made it seem worse.

"Because I need to hear you say it, Clarke. Tell me to fuck. Tell me you want it and I'll drop to my knees right now and give you what you're craving" Lexa slid her hand between Clarke's legs, applying pressure to the wet patch of her panties. "Let me taste you again, Clarke" Lexa's voice had dropped again and Clarke's legs literally went weak at the sound.

"Fuck Lexa just do it, you're wasting time" Clarke was growing impatient, she needed it now. She needed Lexa on her knees, to be reminded of just how talented her mouth was. She grabbed hold of Lexa's forearm, holding it in place as she began to move her hips against the hand that was pressing against her.

"Say it, Clarke" Lexa growled, and she knew Lexa's control was beginning to break as Clarke grinding herself down onto her hand.

Clarke was beginning to lose herself on this alone, biting her lip as her eyes began to close.

"Fuck Clarke just say it, please" Lexa finally broke.

"Fuck me, Lexa" Clarke gave into it, hearing Lexa plead was enough for her to know she needed it just as badly.

Clarke was quickly pressed against the door again and Lexa dropped to her knees, wasting no time at pulling Clarke's panties down and lifting one of her legs to rest over her shoulder. She pushed the skirt up, exposing Clarke completely and dove in, her tongue licking the length of her and as if those sensations weren't enough, she felt Lexa moan against her, sending vibrations through her body. She gripped tightly at Lexa's hair as her head fell back against the door as moans began to escape from her as she gave her body completely to Lexa.

Lexa's mouth was better than she remembered and she was struggling to catch her breath as she failed to control the noises escaping from her mouth, "holy fuck Lexa, how do you do that" she managed to choke out and she felt the girl smile against her.

Her hips began to move on their own accord, aiding Lexa's mouth in any way they could and Clarke was close to losing her mind.

Lexa had just began to add fingers inside of her and she could feel the screams building up inside of her, but before they took over, she heard Raven's voice through the door: "okay Clarke, we officially can't find you, you win this game".

Lexa was showing no signs of stopping so Clarke began to tug her hair, "Lexa, Le- oh fuck" she trailed off as she felt the fingers curl inside of her, "oh god I can't believe I'm saying this but you have to stop". At that, Lexa's movements stilled and she looked up at Clarke in confusion.

"Are you serious?"

"Raven is looking for me. Fuck" Clarke began to panic as Lexa rose from her knees, catching Clarke as she stumbled slightly on shaky legs.

"Okay you go out first and I'll figure something out" Lexa assured her, helping her even out her skirt and her hair.

Clarke nodded, "do I look okay?"

"You look as good as you taste" Lexa smirked and Clarke smacked her shoulder.

"No you idiot, do I look okay or do I look like I've just been ate out by my ex in my best friend's bathroom?"

Lexa let out a laugh, "you look great Clarke, now go"

With that Clarke sneaked open the door, peeking outside and when she saw no one in the hallway, she made her way out. As she began to descend the stairs, she realised she hadn't put on her underwear "fuck" she muttered under her breath but before she could turn back, she saw Bellamy at the bottom of the staircase. "Found her!" He shouted, "seriously, did you find another dimension or something, we couldn't find you anywhere" he asked.

Clarke put on a smile, tapping her nose at him "nosey, I can't tell you that, then you'll know where to find me next time we play"

"I don't know how, but I'm 100% positive you found a way to cheat, Griffin" Raven spoke as Clarke made her way into the kitchen and lounge combined area.

"Can't handle someone beating you, huh?" She teased the girl.

"You didn't beat me, Griffin. I just got tired of looking for you" she tried to play it off.

"It's okay, babe, none of us could find her" Octavia reassured her.

"Hey, have you guys saw Lexa? I think I'm ready for a rematch" Noah spoke from his spot on the sofa and Clarke suddenly felt like she was going to throw up.

"She went to the toilet like 5 minutes ago, maybe someone should go check on her?" Octavia asked.

"No need! I'm right here. Sorry Noah, maybe next time. Judging by how much I just threw up, I think it's time I headed home" Lexa appeared from the stairs and Clarke began to look from her towards the group, looking for any signs of realisation but thankfully there were none.

"You best have not threw up all over my bathroom, Woods!" Raven shouted, "I do not like you enough to clean up your vomit".

"No need, Raven. It was nice seeing you all again, really. Keep in touch" she began to gather her jacket and after a few hugs goodbye, she left after insisting her cab was waiting for her. As she left though, Clarke noticed the flash of red lace that was peeking out ever so slightly from her back pocket. Great, how the hell was she going to explain this one.

\\\\\

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Lexa you fucking idiot. She threw her jacket down onto the sofa before letting her body follow and she covered her face with her hands.

Fucked it. She had fucked it big time.

"Get your shit together, Woods" she spoke out loud to herself. She had to get herself out of that place, there was no way she could've sat there and acted like nothing had just happened. Especially with Noah. Oh god, Noah.

Noah who had been nothing but nice to her, regardless of the fact she was Clarke's ex. "Fuck" she muttered out loud again. This was severely fucked up. Clarke wasn't available, she had a fucking boyfriend, dammit! This had to stop. Whatever 'this' was, what the hell was this? All she knew was that around Clarke, she had no control over herself and she forgot all about what was right or wrong, she forgot all about the fact that Clarke belonged to someone else and in those moments, Clarke was hers again.

She could still taste Clarke on her tongue, and she knew it then, she made the decision. She couldn't stop this and as wrong as it was, as much as it could end up in people getting hurt – herself included – she didn't want to stop. If this was the only way she could have Clarke, then so be it. Being with Clarke was the only thing that mattered.

\\\\\

"Something is going on with you" Anya insisted as the both of them sat around Anya's kitchen table the next morning.

"What makes you think that?" Lexa asked, moderately worried that her best friend would begin to interrogate her.

"You're acting weird and the way you just left last night, something is up with you, Lexa" Anya leaned forward on the table, staring straight at Lexa.

Letting herself smile, she tried to dismiss Anya's suspicions "and you're paranoid, Anya. Nothing is up with me"

"I'm not buying it and I will figure out whatever it is. I know you too well to know when something is going on with you" Anya pointed her finger at Lexa, narrowing her eyes.

Lexa let out a laugh, "definitely paranoid" she repeated and they both went back to discussing starting ideas for the wedding. Anya wasn't particularly fussy when it came to material things and she was never the 'wedding' type but she had started to invest herself into that world as soon as Lincoln proposed to her. She wanted to start planning it early in order for it to run as smoothly as possible when the time arrived, that time being a year and a half from now. Honestly, Lexa didn't understand why she was fussing over it so much when it was so far away. A dress, some flowers, a church, guests and an after party, that's all it was, right? How much work could that be?

Apparently a lot. Lexa had been there since 10am and checking the clock, it was now 2:30pm and Anya still wasn't done with the amount of ideas she was spouting out. Half of which Lexa hadn't even heard if she was honest, she just nodded and agreed when Anya stared at her for long enough. Wedding planning was tedious and boring and Lexa was not interested.

Clarke: Can we meet before my shift?

Lexa's phone buzzed with the text from Clarke and she couldn't text back quicker, this was her way out of this hell.

Lexa: Sure. When?

Clarke: Now?

Lexa: Happily, Anya won't shut up about her wedding. Where shall I meet you?

Clarke: Uh could you just meet me at my place?

Lexa gulped, that was not a good idea.

Lexa: If you're sure

Clarke: I'm sure

They were both playing with fire and she was pretty sure they both knew it yet neither of them were capable of putting it out.

"Earth to Lexa!" Anya clicked her fingers in front of her face, drawing her attention back.

"Uh sorry Anya, but I'm going to have to love and leave you" Lexa said as she stood from her seat and made her way over to the coat rack, "but everything you said sounded great. I'm sure whatever you choose will look great".

"You weren't even listening!" Anya shouted her way, "you're the worst maid of honour ever".

"I'm still not wearing a dress" she reminded the woman before she left, closing the door behind her and hearing something smack off it. Anya really wasn't happy about the no dress situation and as much as she loved her best friend, there was no way she was putting her in a damn dress.

\\\\\

Clarke was pacing. This was crazy, this was wrong, this was going to hurt people. Hurt people she loved. But she was stuck, she was stuck between two people; Noah and Lexa.

She had no idea how Lexa felt about her or if she even still felt anything for her (apart from attraction, which was plain obvious). But she couldn't stop herself, she still loved her. She always had and evidently she always would.

But this was wrong, she had to at least put a stop to this until she could figure out what the fuck do to. She couldn't keep doing this to Noah, he didn't deserve this. No one deserved this. Things with Lexa had to stop, they had gotten too far already. It had to stop.

The knock on the door stopped her from pacing and she took a deep breath, preparing herself for what was about to happen.

She opened the door and knew this was a bad idea as soon as she saw Lexa – did the girl ever wear anything other than a damn shirt? Clarke was officially out of her mind for inviting Lexa to her apartment, with her bed or her couch or her kitchen counter or even the damn floor. This was truly going to test her.

"You wanted to see me" Lexa smiled and the confidence in her voice made Clarke wish she didn't have to do this.

"Come in" she put on a smile as she stepped aside and let Lexa in, "you want anything to drink?" She asked as she closed the door behind her and made her way towards to kitchen.

"You wanted to see me to offer me a drink?" Lexa raised her eyebrow as she followed close behind Clarke.

"Course not. I just figured it was the polite thing to do, I don't know" Clarke muttered nervously as she leaned against the counter, putting some space between her and Lexa.

"What's on your mind, Clarke?" Lexa crossed her arms from the other side of the kitchen counter.

Clarke sighed deeply, dropping her eyes from Lexa's stare, "we can't do this, Lexa. What happened last night can't happen again" she spoke weakly.

"But it will" Lexa clarified and Clarke's eyes shot up to look at her.

"What? No, it can't, Lexa" she repeated.

"I'm not going to stand here and kid myself, Clarke and neither should you. It took a week, a week for you to give into this thing we've always had between us. This thing that's always been there, even from second I met you in that parking lot and now you're going to tell me you're putting a stop to it?" Lexa laughed slightly, shaking her head in disbelief, "you're kidding yourself if you think you can stop this"

"You're kidding yourself if you think I'm going to continue to betray Noah like this over whatever stupid attraction we have. It's only attraction, Lexa, it's not something that uncontrollable." Clarke began to raise her voice, who the hell does Lexa think she is telling her she can't stop it?

"Because you were so in control of it last night when you were asking me to fuck you" Lexa bit back, only causing more anger to course through Clarke's veins.

She stepped away from the kitchen counter and began stalking over to Lexa, "because you fucking kept telling me to!" She pointed.

Lexa stood there, showing nothing but complete control over her emotions as she smiled that stupid smug smile that made Clarke want to smack it off. "Yeah because you always do as you're told, Clarke. Just admit it, you wanted it and you still do"

"You're so full of yourself, you know that? It's fucking infuriating" Clarke kept her voice raised and she came to a stop a few steps away from Lexa, not wanting to get too close.

"How did it feel, huh? To have my mouth back between your legs. You were practically screaming as soon as my tongue touched you" Lexa was doing this on purpose, trying to make her angrier. No fucking way was she giving her the satisfaction of it working, she began to subtly take deep breaths calming herself.

"It was a mistake, and it's not happening again" Clarke persisted.

"Does Noah know how you like it rough or let me guess, he's all gentle and careful with you. I bet you miss someone fucking you the way you like it" Lexa's voice had turned aggressive, her body language oozing of confidence and control.

Deciding to play her game, Clarke tried to turn the tables, "he's more than capable of fucking me how I like it. He knows exactly how I like it, probably better than you do"

Lexa laughed, throwing her head back in an exaggerated gesture, "you're a terrible liar, Clarke. What was it you were moaning last night? Oh yeah "oh fuck Lexa how do you do that" she imitated Clarke, "no one else able to make you feel like that, huh?"

"I didn't know what I was saying" Clarke spoke trying to defend herself.

"I wonder why that was. Oh yeah, you were too busy crying out my name as that delicious pussy of yours was soaking for me." Lexa took a step towards her, "and you're trying to tell me you can stop this?"

"Keep the fuck away from me, Lexa. I said this is over" Clarke warned.

"You tasted better than I remembered, you were always so… Sweet" Lexa's voice took on a new edge, that dangerous mixture of sultry and rough.

"That's great to know, really. Can we be done here now?" Clarke was losing her patience, and frankly she needed her to leave now.

"Did it feel as good as you remembered?" Lexa tilted her head, waiting for a reply.

"I'm not going to even dignify that with an answer"

Lexa smiled dangerously, taking one more step towards Clarke, "I'll take that as a yes. Shame really, you didn't even get to finish. I thought we made a deal" Lexa was standing in front of her by now, and Clarke had no way of moving back as she could already feel her back pressed against the kitchen counter.

"What deal?" She asked, genuinely confused by that remark.

"That we wouldn't stop until the other finally came." Lexa's stare suddenly broke from her eyes as it scanned down her body, taking her time to gaze over her entire body as she bit down on her lip. Clarke could feel her body heat under the gaze, fighting against every nerve in her body that was tingly with want. She had made it this far, she could do this, she could control herself.

Lexa's eyes finally reached her eyes again after taking in her lips for a few seconds and she gulped at the desire she saw in them. Lexa's green suddenly taking on a darkness that always made her squirm. "I can make you scream, Clarke. Say the word and I'll stick to our deal; say the word and I'll take you on that kitchen counter until your legs are numb; just say the word so I can remind you exactly what I can do to you".

She lost it. Fuck words, Clarke jumped forward, crashing her body and lips onto Lexa's and causing her to stagger back before she found her balance, steadying Clarke by the hips as their mouths collided. The kiss was rough and messy, both of them letting out all their frustrations as Clarke bit down hard on Lexa's lip, hard enough to draw blood. Lexa growled and pushed Clarke backwards, pressing her hips hard against the counter. Clarke's hands found their way into Lexa's hair and she gripped on tightly, none of them holding back with rough touches.

After another bite to her lip, Lexa pulled her lips away from Clarke's and dug her teeth into her neck, being careful not to suck so no mark would be left. Clarke threw her head back, letting out a growl of her own.

"Get on with it already" Clarke demanded and Lexa immediately lifted her up onto sit on the counter. Her hands began to work at the button and zip on Clarke's jeans and the girl lifted her hips to aid the removal of not only the jeans but her underwear in one swift movement.

"Lay back" Lexa commanded and Clarke obeyed, pushing some items further back on the counter as she lay down. Lexa pushed her further along the counter, before she climbed on top of it herself, kneeling between Clarke's legs. "Knees up" she commanded again, pulling Clarke's legs up and spreading them as far as the counter allowed her to.

"Always such a good girl" Lexa smirked as she began to bite the inside of Clarke's thigh.

"Will you shut up and fuck me already, dammit" Clarke said in frustration and Lexa decided not to waste any more time. She needed to hear Clarke scream for her.

Burying her face between Clarke's legs, Lexa began her assault by sucking the moisture that was coating her folds and Clarke's hand suddenly grabbed a hand full of her hair.

"Oh god lick me, please" Clarke moaned above her and Lexa obliged, her tongue drawing circles over the skit, collecting the delicious fluids that spilled out. She could feel Clarke's legs shaking and she wrapped her arms around her thighs, ready to keep them in place when they tried to squeeze together.

She slipped her tongue further up the length of her till found her clit, using her thumb to pull back the hood, she wrapped her lips around it and sucked gently. Clarke's hips shot forward and Lexa had to use her strength to push them back down, keeping them in place.

"Oh god yes, Lexa, yes!" Clarke cried, her eyes squeezing shut at the intense sensations that were soaring through her body.

Not wanting to overwork her clit, Lexa moved her tongue back to Clarke's slip and began to toy with her, dipping her tongue in and out slowly.

"I want you inside me, Lexa. God please get inside me" she begged, and Lexa happily gave into her as she began to thrust her tongue in and out at a more rapid pace.

Clarke's hand was tugging tightly at her hair and she had to fight back as she tried to push her head further between her legs and instead opted to allow the girl to rock her hips back and forth, matching the thrusts of her tongue with her own.

She could hear Clarke's moan grow more frequent and louder and decided it was the optimum time to add her fingers to the equation, drawing tight circles over her clit. Clarke cried out, her hand leaving Lexa's hair and instead both gripped the edge of the counter as her body was overcome with sensations. Sensations she was struggling to control as instead, they took control of her and she couldn't fight the level of noise she was making, or the motions of her hips, or the shaking of her legs, or the squirming of her body. She was about to lose her mind.

Lexa could feel the muscles inside of Clarke trying to keep her tongue inside, tightening together as she began to reach her high and she gave the girl her full pace, thrusting her tongue that little bit faster and pushing her over the edge fully.

Clarke screamed, she was certain she'd never heard the girl scream so loud and when her hips slowed, and her hands began to loosen their grip on the counter, Lexa stopped her movements.

Clarke's body went limp, her knees no longer able to keep themselves as they slide down on the counter. She could see Clarke's chest rise and fall quickly with her breathing and her face was facing off to the side. Lexa refrained herself from touching her, knowing her skin would be overly sensitive and waited for her to regain enough energy to talk.

"Fuck" was the first word to come from her mouth not too long afterwards and Lexa crawled up her body, holding her weight up with her hands.

Clarke turned her head to look up at Lexa, a weak smile forming on her face at the sight of her smug face. "Always so damn smug" she joked.

"When you make a girl scream like that or even go limp like that, it's hard not to be. But when you make her do both of those things, it's practically impossible not to be" she explained, lowering herself onto one of her forearms.

"I can't even argue with that because fuck. I'm speechless" Clarke reached forward, tracing the outline of Lexa's smile with her fingertip.

"This isn't going to go away, Clarke" Lexa's tone suddenly grew serious and when she saw the frown form on Clarke's face, she leaned down and kissed it gently, "we'll figure this out".

"This is so messed up, Lexa"

"I know" was all Lexa knew what to say, she let out a small sign "I so know".


	6. Chapter 6

"If it isn't Officer Blake, what brings you here? I swear I've not done anything illegal, scouts honour" Lexa held up to fingers in a mock scout salute.

"Mocking a officer of the law, wise." Octavia spoke bluntly as she pushed her way past Lexa and into her apartment.

"Please, do come in".

"I have an issue" Octavia said with her back facing Lexa.

"And you think I can help?"

"I hope so"

Lexa walked over to her sofa, taking a seat, "well spill then, Blake. What can I do for you?"

Octavia let out a long breath, "I think I wanna propose"

Lexa's eyes widened but she quickly recovered herself, not wanting to alarm the girl. "Oh wow uh okay, you think?"

Octavia sighed again, taking a seat on the arm of the sofa and playing with her hat, "no I do, I really do".

"Okay well that's a start, I guess. Why do you think I can help you with this? Wouldn't Clarke be better to ask?" Lexa was genuinely confused as to why she was asking her for help.

"Clarke has something going on, she thinks I haven't noticed but I'm not an idiot. I've known that girl for too long so I don't wanna add to whatever's going on with her. And well, you have this weird connection with Raven that no one else has so I thought you could help" Octavia explained and Lexa swallowed hard at the mention of Clarke. Something was going on, and Octavia could not find out what had happened. No one could. She'd have to tell Clarke about this.

"Is everyone catching wedding fever lately? I know like 4 people who have gotten engaged in the last 2 month like am I missing something?" Lexa joked and received a glare from Octavia.

"Don't be a dick and just help me, please"

"Okayokay, what is it you need help with?" Lexa turned her whole body to face Octavia, bringing her legs up to cross them on the sofa.

"I don't know how to do it. Like should I be romantic and shit or just get it over with? And the ring, she's not big on fancy shit like that and I just don't know what's going to be perfect. I need it to be perfect, Lexa. That girl is the love of my life, she puts up with all my crazy shit and my brother's stupid over protectiveness. Like c'mon, I'm 24 I don't need him still interfering! And shit what if she says no? Oh god I didn't even think of that. Fuck" Octavia began to ramble.

"Wow okay slow down. First off, there's no way in hell Raven will say no. You two have been together for like ever and it's still difficult being around you two cause even though you two like to think you're badass and cool; you're both gross. Second of all, no big gesture, keep it personal and simple. You know how much Raven hates PDA so keep any ideas of doing it around people away. As for the ring, I think you'll know it when you see it. Have you been ring shopping yet?" Octavia shook her head, "okay then we can do that".

"You don't mind coming with me?"

"What's one more wedding to get involved with? And for the record, you're not putting me in a dress. Note that down right now" Lexa made it clear.

Octavia burst out laughing, "Anya still adamant on you wearing a dress then?"

Lexa groaned, falling back onto the sofa "yes, she won't get off my back about it. She's known me for my whole life and now she thinks she can shove me in a dress? Not happening"

"Anya does usually get what she wants" Octavia observed.

"Don't! Don't you dare. It's not happening"

"We'll see, buddy. We'll see".

/

Lexa: Octavia knows

Clarke: WHAT!

Lexa chuckled to herself and decided to let Clarke freak out for a little bit, the thought of her losing is was somewhat amusing.

Clarke: LEXA TEXT ME BACK RIGHT NOW

Clarke: HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE KNOW

Clarke: I SWEAR IF YOU TOLD HER

Clarke: Lexa, I'm going to fucking kill you if you don't answer me

Deciding she had left her with silence for log enough, she typed out her reply whilst laughing to herself.

Lexa: Chill. You didn't let me finish, she knows you're acting weird

Clarke: I actually hate you

Lexa: Keep telling yourself that if it makes it easier for you

Clarke: Fuck you

Lexa: Please do, I'm free right now if you are ;)

Clarke: Okay I'm done with this conversation now

Clarke: Thanks for the heads up about O though.

Lexa couldn't control her need to wind Clarke up, it was a new hobby of hers and frankly, the outcomes of it were usually very…pleasurable. After the slept together, Clarke finally admitted to herself that there was something happening between them that she couldn't stop. Whilst obviously portraying her guilt and pacing around the room with how much she hated herself for not stopping it. Lexa tried to comfort her, telling her that it was only natural that she couldn't fight her attraction. The body craves what the body craves and unfortunately for her, Lexa was what is craved.

She couldn't tell Clarke that she was still in love with her, she couldn't make it more messy and difficult for her. And selfishly, she couldn't put herself out there for Clarke to tell her this was only about sex so she let Clarke think that's all it was: sex. Clarke loved Noah, which sounded fucked up considering she had cheated on him but she did. Lexa could see it. And that's why she didn't push Clarke into an ultimatum, that's why she didn't tell Clarke that she wanted to be with her. If Clarke wanted to stay with Noah then that was her decision. Lexa could handle it (she thought) if that was the only way she could have Clarke.

But Lexa had made it clear, she wasn't going to stop. She may not have told her she wanted to be with her but she made it very clear that she wanted her. Lexa was more than prepared to be her secret. It was fucked up and wrong but she would be lying if she said it didn't make it that little bit more exciting.

Clarke may have accepted that they had an attraction that was hard to fight but she was still adamant it couldn't continue. And yet it didn't take Lexa long to make her give in all over again, just to prove her point.

This was going to continue, and Lexa was pretty positive that Clarke was getting off on the excitement of it just as much as she was.

\\\\\

How do you allow yourself to come to terms with the possibility that you're in the process of starting an affair? How do you justify any of the decisions that result in sleeping with someone whilst you're with someone else? Clarke had been struggling with these thoughts since she slept with Lexa. She had lied, she told Lexa again that it was a mistake, that it shouldn't happen again. But who was she kidding? She enjoyed every damn second of it and she'd been craving it since she saw the girl at Octavia's event. She was craving it now. In fact, she couldn't remember a moment since that that she hadn't been craving it, craving Lexa. And it was just sex, right? Lexa had made it clear that that's all it was, and although Clarke couldn't help the sadness that hit her when she heard that, she agreed. Just sex. Clarke could hold back the fact that she still loved Lexa, it would only complicate things further.

She couldn't even come up with an explanation or a good enough reason for this to happen but she knew it wasn't going to stop. Not for as long as Lexa would pursue it and she had made it very clear she was going to. Clarke hated the burst of excitement she felt rush through her when Lexa told her, she could still hear the words being whispered in her ear.

"I can't stay away, Clarke. You can ask me but I can't, I'm addicted to you all over again"

And she knew it then, she wasn't strong enough to keep away. But she couldn't end things with Noah either. It was selfish, undeniably selfish to want them both but she couldn't give up on either of them. Not when she loved them both.

"Clarke?" Abby's voice broke her out of her thoughts. She was filling medical records into the system when she must have lost herself in her thoughts. Springing back to life, she looked up at her mother standing over her.

"Oh hey mom, what's up?"

"Are you okay, Clarke?"

Putting on a fake smile, she reassured her, "I'm fine, mom. As fine as you can be when you draw the short straw and get stuck with this job" she gestured to the computer screen in front of her.

Her mother laughed and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, "the joys of being a resident, I don't miss them at all"

"Very reassuring, thanks for that" she said sarcastically, yawning to emphasis how boring it was. It didn't help that it was almost midnight and she was stuck here until 8am. "Why are you still here anyway?"

"I may have lost track of time whilst researching, you know me" her mother smiled at her. She was right, her mom had always buried herself in work after her dad died which resulted in a lot of late nights and dinners alone.

"But anyway, I'm glad I caught you before I left. How would you and Noah feel about having dinner with Marcus and I tomorrow?" Her mom continued.

"Tomorrow, uh I'm not sure about Noah's schedule but I'd love to" Clarke smiled up at her mom.

"Oh I do hope Noah can make it, I may be biased because I have always liked the boy but I'm so glad you two are together. I can see he makes you happy, and I have to say I've never seen him smile so much"

Clarke suddenly felt knots in her stomach, her mother had liked Lexa but not the way she liked Noah. She was always inviting him to dinners and asking about him, even sometimes having lunch with him in the hospital cafeteria. Her mom approved of Noah, and she had already made remarks about marriage in the future.

"I'll let you know, okay?"

"Sure honey, just let me know. I'll see you tomorrow, around 7?"

"Sure mom" she smiled and she leaned down to kiss Clarke's cheek before turning and leaving.

She took out her phone and typed a quick text to Noah, guessing he would already be asleep by now.

Clarke: Hey babe, mom invited us to dinner tomorrow but I didn't know whether you were free or not. 7pm good for you?

She sat her phone down and went back to her computer, and the tedious job that was nowhere near complete. It was bad but she was wishing for something to come in so she could be called away to trauma instead of sitting here, slowly dying herself.

Her phone buzzed a few minutes later, surprising her. She was certain Noah would be asleep by now.

Noah: 7pm is great for me. Pick you up around 6:30?

Clarke: Sounds good, I'll let my mom know.

She quickly typed out a text to her mom letting her know Noah would be attending, and of course her mother's reply was filled with joy at the additional member coming to dinner.

Noah: Have a good shift, babe and I'll see you tomorrow. I can't wait :)

Clarke couldn't help the smile that came with his text, Noah was always such a sweet guy.

Clarke: See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, handsome

\\\\\

Clarke vaguely heard the buzzing of her phone and in a sleep haze, she reached over and grabbed it from the bedside table and put it to her ear.

"Mm" was all she could muster up as a greeting.

"Babe, please tell me you aren't still sleeping" Noah spoke down the phone.

"Maybe" she smiled as she thought of how comfortable and warm she was.

"It's 5:45, babe. I'm picking you up in less than an hour" when Clarke remained quiet, her memory foggy as to why Noah was picking her up, her continued, "we're having dinner with your mom and Marcus, remember?"

Bolting to an upright position, the room began to spin and her eyes went black at the head rush, "fucking dammit I had alarms set!"

"Okay sleeping beauty, I'm going to go and let you get ready. Remember, 6:30"

"6:30, I'll be ready" she hung up and began to rush. Quickly jumping in the shower, leaving conditioning till another day then quickly throwing on a pair of beige fitted pants and a white blouse with a peter-pan collar and decided to just leave her hair in its natural curly waves after drying. Applying very little makeup of mascara, foundation and nude lipstick, she was finally ready to go and with 5 minutes to spare! Record time.

A few minutes later, Noah entered the apartment and found Clarke shrugging into her coat, "all ready?" He asked, swirling his keys in his hand.

Clarke smiled up at him and she adjusted the coat, "ready!" She proclaimed proudly.

He offered her his hand and she took it, he kissed it, "you look beautiful".

"You don't clean up too badly yourself" she smiled as she kissed his cheek, feeling his stubble graze her skin. She wasn't lying, he always looked exceptionally handsome in a shirt and black pants. Simple yet beautiful.

"Let's not keep you're mother waiting, shall we?" He said as they both headed out.

The drive to her mother's wasn't too far and they found themselves pulling up in front of the house a few minutes early. Abby's new house was nothing like the small and cosier 3 bedroom Clarke grew up in. No, this new house had 4 bedrooms, 2 of which were ensuite and another bathroom. Then of course, her mother's study and the 3 car garage that was attached to the side. A bit over the top if you asked Clarke but whatever made her mom happy.

They walked up to the door and knocked gently before opening the door, "mom?" She called out as her and Noah entered through the far too large hallway.

"Clarke honey, is that you?" She heard being called from the kitchen and so they made their way there.

"Yeah mom, it's us" they entered the kitchen and found Abby in the process of removing food from the oven and Marcus setting the table.

"I'm so glad you two could make it!" Abby smiled and pulled both of them into a hug.

"Thank you for the invite, Dr Griffin"

"Noah, this isn't the hospital. You can call me Abby, you know" she shook her head at him.

"Abby" he responded.

"Okay then people, dinner is served" Marcus called from the dinning table.

They all say around the table, eating her mom's famous roast aka the only thing she had mastered to cook. After her dad died, Clarke practically lived on it because her mom would burn and ruin everything else. The conversation was anything but entertaining, mostly Marcus and Abby asking how both of their residencies were going and interrogating Noah as to why he still hasn't picked a speciality to focus on. Truth was, he just hasn't found that yet, which was normal to Clarke. She was just lucky she had discovered her passion for trauma so early on.

Noah talked animatedly with Marcus and Abby, and every now and then Abby would smile over at Clarke with her usual look of approval. Like she didn't already know how much she approved of him and by the looks of things, Marcus did too.

She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket soon after they had finished dinner and were all still seated around the table. The conversation now onto Marcus and Noah discussing baseball and her mother beaming up at Marcus like he was the sun.

Lexa: How's dinner going?

She sighed, a reminder of Lexa was not what she needed right now but everyone around her was too invested in Noah and frankly, she was bored so she replied.

Clarke: The food was good but now I just wanna leave

Lexa: Then leave

Lexa: And come over to mine

Clarke angled her phone slightly in order for no one to see, she didn't trust Lexa to keep this conversation innocent.

Clarke: Lexa, stop

Lexa: Why? Afraid I might actually tempt you into it?

"What do you think, Clarke? Wouldn't Noah be a great paediatrician?"

Clarke popped her head up from her phone, smiling like she was following the conversation which apparently was back to Noah's speciality. "I think he'd be great at whatever he chooses to do" she assured him and he gave her a "thank you" smile. She had to admit, he was taking this all very well. Clarke would have lost her temper at her mom by now if she kept badgering her with questions.

She turned her attention back to her phone, having felt it vibrate again.

Lexa: I'm craving you, Clarke

Lexa: Are you going to make me finish myself off all alone tonight?

Clarke could feel her stomach coil in desire and the beginnings of moisture spill out of her at the image of Lexa touching herself. She had watched her do it many times in the past, especially over Skype calls and the images came flooding back, making her thoughts foggy.

She still hadn't touched Lexa, she still hasn't tasted Lexa and suddenly it was all she could think about. The way Lexa used to moan her name, her voice rising in pitch from the usual rough tone she would take on when speaking all sorts of profanities in Clarke's ear. The muscles in her abdomen, arms, thighs and neck all tensing in such a tantalising way that made her wish she could watch every part of her as she came. Making Lexa come was just as pleasurable as her own orgasms.

Clarke: Why must you put those images in my head?

Lexa: What's wrong, Clarke? Squeezing your thighs together not enough for you anymore?

She hadn't even realised she was doing it until Lexa mentioned it,

Clarke: Don't flatter yourself

Lexa: I'm going to send you my address and you can come over or you can continue to pretend you can stay away

Clarke: I'm at dinner with my Mom and Noah, how the hell do you expect me to get away? It's not going to happen, Lexa.

Lexa: I'm sure you'll think of something, if you want it bad enough. If you knew what I had in mind for you when you get here though, you would

Clarke: What are you talking about?

Lexa: I'll be waiting

Clarke let out a loud grunt of frustration, Lexa wasn't playing fair. She wasn't making this any easier. The noise must have startled everyone because Abby, Noah and Marcus were all staring at her. She felt her phone vibrate again and knew that would be Lexa issuing her address and she squeezed her phone.

"You okay, babe?" Noah asked, reaching over to squeeze her knee in comfort, looking at her with concern. In fact, all three of them were looking at her with concern.

This was it, this was decision time. She could either stay here, stay with her family and do the right thing but staying with Noah. He had sat through the interrogation of her mother and was still smiling that award winning smile the whole time, he hand continuously squeezed Clarke's hand under the table when Abby was talking discussing her relationship with Marcus and their new home. He knew she would be thinking of her dad in those moments and he had supported her. He was with her through it all, as always.

She could stay here with her family, and continue to build this foundation with this man that her family loved just as much as she did or she could make an excuse now and be with Lexa in the next 20 minutes. Her Lexa.

It was now or never.


	7. Chapter 7

And that's how Clarke found herself outside of Lexa's door just less than an hour later. Noah insisted on driving her home and making sure she was settled in bed after she lied about feeling unwell. As soon as he had left, she called herself a cab and now here she was, outside Lexa's apartment.

She knocked on the door and Lexa answered soon afterwards, opening the door just enough for her to lean her weight against. She openly let her gaze fall over Clarke, who had switched the pants for a black knee length flowy skirt. The smile that slowly appeared on her face was full of mischief, "skirt again, Griffin?"

Clarke shrugged, trying to appear as innocent as she could, "coincidence".

Lexa moved from the doorway, opening the door for Clarke to enter which she did and she closed the door behind her. "In all seriousness, you look beautiful, Clarke".

Clarke turned at the softer tone in Lexa's voice and found a matching expression in her eyes, "are you trying to charm me? I'm already sleeping with you, Lexa, there's no need".

Lexa chuckled, "I'm not telling you to get in your pants, Clarke. I just couldn't help myself, I guess. You're beautiful"

Clarke's stomach was filling with butterflies at the way Lexa was looking at her, it wasn't the lust that she was usually met with lately but an entirely softer expression. A look that she wanted to associate with love, she was certain but she couldn't risk it. "Lexa" she spoke softly as she took crossed the space between them, "I thought this was just sex"

Lexa squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, putting on a half smile "can't I compliment you before I blow your mind?"

"I think you're mistaken" Clarke trailed off and Lexa rose her eyebrow in confusion, "because I was planning to blow your mind tonight" Clarke smiled and grabbed hold of Lexa's hand, dragging her to the bedroom with the directional instructions she was given.

When they reached the bedroom, Clarke pushed Lexa down by the shoulders for her to sit on the edge of the bed. She stood in between her legs and began to brush her lips lightly over Lexa's, "so you've been craving me?"

"Always" Lexa said roughly, angling her head better to try and steal a kiss which Clarke avoided.

"Tell me, tell me what you're craving" Clarke began to ghost her lips along Lexa's jaw as the girl began to run her hands up the back of her thighs, starting from behind the knee.

"Right now I'm craving your lips, those little noises you always made when we kissed" Lexa tilted her head allowing Clarke's lips to travel her jawline easily.

Clarke kissed the clenched muscle in her jaw before moving her lips back to Lexa's and giving her what she was craving. Their lips met and the desire spilled from both of them, she felt Lexa's hands grip the back of her thighs before travelling a few inches higher and met with the fabric that Clarke purposely chose.

Lexa suddenly tried to pull back from the kiss, but Clarke kept pursuing her lips, biting and sucking her bottom lip as she lifted the skirt to try to peek underneath. "Clarke" she mumbled as best as she could with her bottom lip between Clarke's teeth.

"Mhm" was the only response as she released her lip.

"Garter belt?" She raised her eyebrow and Clarke smirked, causing Lexa to growl and crash her lips to against Clarke's. She grabbed the back of her thighs and pulled her up so her legs were wrapped around her waist. Lexa began to play with the fabric of the garter belt, her fingers following different sections as Clarke lost herself in the kiss. Small moans audible from her throat. Fuck she forgot how incredible it was to kiss Lexa.

She pulled Lexa's tshirt over her head to reveal the already braless chest which her hands immediately fondled. Lexa hissed against her lips as she pinched a nipple a little roughly as her hands began to cup Clarke's ass.

She pushed the girl down onto her back, "anymore cravings I can help you with?" She smiled down at her as she straddled her hips, her hands resting on her ribs just below her breasts.

"You know what I'm craving, Clarke" Lexa's lips were deliciously swollen from kissing her and Clarke took the opportunity to shamefully appreciate Lexa's exposed breasts and toned abdomen below her.

"You're not the only one who likes to hear it, I wanna hear you, Lexa" Clarke began to scratch her nails lightly down Lexa's sides, causing her to shiver.

"I want you between my legs, Clarke. I want you fucking me" she didn't hesitate and Clarke smiled brightly at her before slipping off her hips and beginning to remove her shorts, followed quickly by her boxers, leaving Lexa naked and exposed.

Clarke took in the sight in front of her and couldn't control the hunger that took over her at the glistening folds of Lexa's pussy.

Before she had to ask, Lexa scooted up the bed, allowing Clarke to climb onto the bed and take her position between Lexa's legs. "Are you craving this?" Clarke asked as she slipped her finger through her folds, spreading her wetness around.

Lexa shivered at the contact, a smile spreading over her face as she looked down at Clarke, "so fucking much". She began to dip her finger inside, feeling herself getting more aroused and wet as she watched Lexa's responses to her touches. After teasing with a few small dips, Clarke suddenly thrusted her finger inside, adding a second finger on the second thrust and watching the muscles in Lexa's neck strain as she cried out.

"You're so sexy, Lexa. You look so damn hot when I'm fucking you" Clarke complimented as she continued to thrust her fingers at a speedy pace as she watched. She watched Lexa biting her lip as she tried to suppress her moans, she watched as her hips began to reach to the pleasure and match Clarke's thrusts, she watched as the muscles in her thighs, arms and neck tensed and relaxed.

"Fucking hell I've missed you" Lexa breathed, her hand rising to grip at her own hair.

"Let me remind you just how much" Clarke remarked as she lowered herself down between her legs, slipping a leg over her shoulder whilst angling her arm to continue her rhythms in and out of Lexa. She flicked her tongue out and made contact with her clit, heating Lexa cry out louder as her toes curled.

"Fuck Clarke don't stop" she pleaded and Clarke had no intentions of stopping. She began to use her tongue to stimulate Lexa's clit as her fingers dove in and out at a faster pace, curling and twisting. She knew Lexa's body like the back of her hand and even after all this time, she was still so in-tune with every need and desire and soon enough, she felt Lexa's walls clenching together around her fingers. She felt strong thighs begin to close tighter at either side of her head and toes curling as Lexa's cries of yes went quiet as her orgasm took over her body, her mouth hanging open with a silent moan.

Clarke removed her tongue, her fingers still pumping slowly until she heard the whimpers from Lexa indicating she was becoming sensitive. She took her fingers out and gently licked the woman clean, followed by her own fingers.

"I hate how good you are at that" Lexa spoke finally.

"Hate that you've got some competition for having such a talented mouth?" Clarke quickly kissed her way up the middle of Lexa's body.

"Hey I said you were good, not as good as me though" Lexa joked as Clarke's lips met her chin, where she grazed her teeth.

"So full of yourself, somethings never changes"

Lexa met Clarke's eyes, staring silently before she finally broke the silence, "no, somethings never change". Clarke was hit again with the look in Lexa's eyes.

"You need to stop doing that" she ordered, smacking her shoulder lightly.

"Stop what?" Lexa's tone still serious.

"Looking at me like that, saying things like that"

"Why?" Lexa tilted her head, obviously interested in the response.

"Because this is just sex, Lexa and when you look at me like that" Clarke shook her head, "it doesn't look like this is just sex to you".

Lexa blinked in surprise before she recovered and quickly flipped them over so Clarke was under her. She lifted one of Clarke's legs to wrap around her waist and began to slide her hand under her skirt, along her thigh. "Just sex" she repeated before she looked down at the exposed garter belt after slipping her skirt higher, "now if you're done telling me off, I'd love to appreciate this little present you wore for me".

Lexa thrusted her hips into her causing a half laugh, half moan to escape Clarke's lips, "what can I say? I know what you like"

Lexa lowered herself down so their bodies were flush against one another, their lips almost touching, "let me show you just how well I remember your likes".

/

Lexa woke up with the unbearable heat that was flooding her entire body and found the source as soon as her brain registered the girl in her arms. Clarke. Her body was pressed against hers, every inch of skin pressed against hers as their legs tangled and Clarke's head was rested safely under her chin.

Instead of moving and removing the unfamiliar heat, Lexa allowed herself to enjoy this moment. Clarke was back in her arms where she belonged, her breath was lingering over her skin where it belonged. This was exactly where Clarke was supposed to be.

Lexa moved her head in order to take in the smell of the blonde's hair before she planted a gentle kiss on her head. She knew she had to wake Clarke up, she didn't know what time it was but she couldn't risk it being late and having Noah or anyone checking on her and finding the apartment early.

She began to unwrap her arm from Clarke whilst the other was trapped under her head. "Clarke" she spoke softly, running her hands through her hair. "Hey Clarke, time to wake up" the blonde began to stir, only pressing herself closer to Lexa, making her heart swell.

"Clarke" she spoke again.

"Mhm" she barely heard muffled against her throat.

"You have to get up. We fell asleep" Lexa explained.

Clarke suddenly moved out from under her chin and looked up at her, her eyes still tired from their lack of sleep, "Lexa?"

Lexa smiled "well unless you're sleeping with another woman, I am the only option" she joked.

She saw the realisation hit Clarke and she was suddenly rolling out of her arms, "oh god I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to get so close. I just, I have a tendency to-"

"To be attracted to the hear, I know" Lexa finished for her, "and it's okay, you don't have to apologise".

Clarke smiled gratefully at her before she began to look around, a panicked expression taking over her face, "oh fuck what time is it?"

Lexa shrugged, "no idea. Didn't really have to opportunity to check my phone with you suffocating me" she teased and Clarke smacked her with the sheets that she threw off herself as she stood up from the bed.

Clarke immediately started stretching and Lexa appreciated the view she had of the naked woman before her, her eyes scanned over the back muscles and down to those back dimples that she loved so much. Before her eyes could take in her ass, she noticed a few marks on Clarke's side and hip.

"I think every muscle in my body is hating me for last night" the blonde complained before she began to search through the clothes to find her phone which she apparently used her bra as its pocket.

"Uh Clarke"

"We should be a little more organised when removing clothes next time" Clarke ignored her as she continued her search.

"Clarke" she tried again.

"Ah there it is!" She found her phone and checked the time, 7:25am. She had time to get dressed and get back home, even shower before anyone would bother her. Heck, she might even try to fit in a nap, a few hours sleep was not enough.

"Clarke, we have a problem"

"What? What problem?" Clarke suddenly looked at her, eyes wide and when Lexa took in the front of her, she found more small purple marks at her hip and her right thigh.

"I might have got carried away last night" Clarke looked at her with confusion so she simply pointed down at her hip. She watched as Clarke's eyes went wide as she took in the hickeys, touching her skin and trying in vain to wipe them off.

"Lexa are you fucking serious!"

"I'm sorry! I was pretty distracted last night, I forgot the rule"

"You forgot!? Oh well that's okay then! Not like I'm stuck with these fucking things for a week or more" Clarke was evidently angry but Lexa couldn't help but laugh at the situation. "This isn't funny you asshole, what the hell am I supposed to do!?"

Lexa rested herself on her elbow, a smug look on her face, "I guess you just can't get naked around Noah" she shrugged.

"Did you fucking plan this?"

"No! I honestly forgot, but I can't say it doesn't make me happy that it'll keep Noah away from you for a week or more".

"Why would it make you happy? Are you jealous?" Clarke asked and she knew this was going to be the 'it's only sex' talk again, she could tell by the look in Clarke's eyes.

"Just means you'll have to come to me to relive you of your sexual appetite" she smiled, covering up the jealousy as best as she could.

"You're such an ass, I don't even know why I'm here" Clarke began to put on her clothes.

"You know why" Lexa argued, scooting over in bed and sitting on the edge of it, letting the sheets fall from her chest.

Clarke looked at her as she fastened the clips onto her see-through thigh highs and Lexa didn't miss the girls ogling of her body. "No, I don't" she lied.

"I'm sure you'll be reminded the rest of the day when you feel how sore you are with every move"

Clarke didn't bother to reply because she knew she couldn't argue with that and just continued to get dressed. Lexa stood up from the bed, letting the sheets fall from her completely and walked over to her drawers, pulling out red lace.

"I believe these are yours" she spoke as the underwear hung from her fingers.

"You couldn't have given me those sooner and saved me putting all this on?" She gestured to the thigh highs and garter belt.

"Maybe I wanted one last look at you wearing it" she shrugged, "your ass looks unbelievable in it" she tilted to the side slightly to get a peek of her ass before Clarke stomped over and grabbed the underwear from her hand.

"Take a good look cause I don't think you deserve a treat this good for a while. Let's see how cocky you are then" she turned and let Lexa have the perfect view of her bending over to retrieve her skirt and blouse, taking her time on purpose.

Lexa groaned at the view, her hand gripping at the wood of her drawers to stop herself from walking towards Clarke and taking her there and then.

Finally, she slid the skirt on and covered the view before turning around and buttoning up her blouse. "Have a good look, commander?"

"I guess you were right, somethings never change"

"I have no idea what you mean" Clarke lied.

"Always such a tease"

Clarke smiled before closing the distance between them and planting a soft kiss on Lexa's lips, lingering there for longer then necessary. When Lexa leaned forward to deepen it, Clarke pulled back and began to exit, "oh and good luck explaining that mark on your neck" she called back just before Lexa heard the click of the door closing.

Running to the bathroom, she spotted the deep purple mark that sat at the bottom of neck, just above her collarbone. "Fuck".

\\\\\

Lexa stood outside the jewellers, waiting on Octavia and fidgeting with the collar of her shirt. She hated buttoning the things fully but it was essential today in order for her to hide the mark Clarke had so kindly graced her. She was still trying to think of an idea to cover it tomorrow morning during her run with Little. Makeup wouldn't work because she'd sweat it off in no time, she couldn't wear a scarf or shirt. Her only option was a light fleece but she knew that would end up becoming too warm. She would have to run through it, and she was not looking forward to that.

"Hey, sorry I'm late I got kept back a little at work. You haven't been here long, have you?" Octavia asked, jogging up to her still in her uniform.

"Only about 10 minutes. So, are we ready to ring shop?" She smiled, shoving her hands in the pockets of her grey bomber jacket.

"I love the formality you chose for the occasion" O gestured to the shirt.

"Gotta fit in in these swanky stores or they'll think I'm here to rob the place" she made an excuse.

"Good thing you're with a cop then" she smiled and they entered the store. "Oh god there's rings everywhere!" Octavia exclaimed, taking in the multiple glass cases of rings.

"What did you expect?" Lexa asked from behind here.

"How the hell am I going to find the right one? I'll never remember them all" Octavia began to worry.

Lexa put her hand on her shoulder, "when you see the right one, you'll know it. So let's ask someone to help us, make it easier for you". Octavia nodded in agreement and they made their way over to the glass counter where a member of staff was standing. "Excuse me, my friend here is in need of some assistance. She's looking for an engagement ring for her special lady" Lexa explained and laughed when she felt Octavia nudge her elbow into her ribs.

"Oh how lovely!" The older woman smiled brightly at them, "do you have any idea what style you would like? Anything specific you're looking for?"

"Uhhh.. Something simple. Nothing too flashy or big, she doesn't like anything extravagant" Octavia explained and the women nodded.

"We have a selection you could take a look at, follow me" the woman came out from behind the counter and made her way over to the other side, stopping in front of another glass counter. "If you have any further questions or find any you would like, please don't hesitate to ask".

Octavia began to look over the rings as Lexa stood beside her, hands in pockets and not particularly interested. Too many weddings happening at once, too many that she was involved in.

"None of these are standing out to me" Octavia complained as her eyes continued to scan over them.

"Don't stress, there's plenty of other stores".

Octavia continued to scan, walking around the store and looking at every counter trying to find anything that stood out. When she reached the last counter, she threw her arms up, "nothing!".

"Next store it is" Lexa sighed, this was going to be a long evening.

They had made their way through 3 stores so far and still nothing, Octavia was growing as frustrated and impatient as Lexa was. "If there's nothing in this next store, I give the fuck your. Raven is already wondering why I'm working so late"

"Lying to your future fiancée, that's a good way to start" Lexa joked and Octavia glared at her.

"She knows I wouldn't cheat, I'm not a scumbag" Octavia's words hit Lexa hard and she felt like she had to justify those actions.

"I think there's different reasons why people cheat, Blake. They're not all just horny scumbags that can't keep it in their pants"

"Most of them are" Octavia ended the conversation with that as she entered the last store. She didn't even bother asking for any help, realising she would probably end up looking at all the rings anyway.

After more huffing and puffing for god knows how long, Lexa practically jumped out of her skin when she heard Octavia squeal suddenly. "That's it, that's the ring!" She was jumping in excitement before she realised how hilarious it looked to have a police officer jumping around and squealing like a child. "I've found it, Lexa" she turned and the smile she was sporting was contagious.

"We'll show me which one, you dummy" Lexa smiled as she scooted closer and looked to where Octavia was pointing.

"The one with the band the doesn't meet, but has the three diamonds holding it together" Lexa immediately recognised the ring she was referring to and couldn't help but smile because she knew Raven would love it. It was perfect for her. A simple platinum band that separated in order to hold 3 small diamonds in between. Simple, and in no way extravagant.

"It's beautiful, O. She'll love it"

"You think so?"

"Definitely. You chose well. So let's get it before someone else snatches it away."

Octavia quickly ushered an employee over and showed her the ring, already holding her card in hand and ready to buy it. Apparently the 3 months salary rule applied here as the 5 figure price was rang up and paid for without any hesitation.

Lexa whistled at the price, "hope she's worth it".

"You know she is" she smiled as she slipped the box out of the bag and into her pocket, tapping it. "Now I just have to find the courage to ask her".

"You figured out how you're going to do it?"

"Mhm" she nodded excitedly.

"You know when?"

"I'm hoping this weekend unless I bottle it"

Lexa put her arm around her friend's shoulder and pulled her in, "you've got his, Blake. Just channel that inner badass and screw the nerves. You've got a beautiful girl who's no doubt dying to become your fiancée. Don't keep her waiting"

"Fuck. I'm going to be engaged by the end of the week"

"Hell yes you are!"

"Or so I hope so…"


	8. Chapter 8

Octavia was stressing, full on freaking the fuck out because today was the day. Today was the day she planned on asking Raven to marry her and she hasn't stopped worrying since she woke up. So much so that Raven was practically on her ass about what was wrong which wasn't helping in the slightest because she knew Raven wasn't buying any of her excuses of it being because of work. As much as she loved how well Raven knew her, today was not the day for her to be paying extra close attention to her.

"Babe, can we just skip going out tonight? I really just wanna Netflix and chill with you" Raven smiled with a toothy grin as she leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom door.

Octavia spit out the remains of toothpaste in her mouth and gave Raven her best serious look, "really?"

"What? Isn't that what all the cool kids are saying nowadays?"

"Raven, babe. I hate to break it to you but you're not a cool kid anymore" Octavia spoke sweetly as she rinsed off her toothbrush then wiped her mouth with a towel.

"You're right, now I'm just a cool adult and business owner" she smiled smugly from her spot against the doorframe, her arms now crossed.

"Your head so big you can't fit through the door, huh?" Octavia teased as she leaning back against the sink.

"Maybe I'm just enjoying the view" Raven's eyes suddenly raking over her body, staring at the exposed skin her shorts and tank top left.

"You're such a dork" Octavia shook her head as she walked towards the door and pushed Raven away by her shoulder.

Raven laughed and followed closely behind her and quickly decided to prod her fingers into Octavia's sides, causing the girl to jump and start trying to squirm out of it. "Raven fucking stop it!" Her voice grew louder as Raven continued her torture, using her fingers to tickle her sides. "I'm going to kill you!" Octavia continued to threaten as she tried to surprise her laughing and run away from Raven's hands. But Raven was too fast behind her and somehow managed to manoeuvre Octavia's movements so she ended up falling onto the bed. "Raven get your damn hands off me please!" Octavia pleaded, tears now streaming down her face from laughing so hard.

Raven finally stopped her torture, pressing her hands flat against the small of Octavia's back. "Thought you could use something to lighten your mood, you're a ball of stress".

"Are you insane! Tickling me is not going to lighten my mood, it's going to make me plan your murder" Octavia protested as she turned on the bed and sat up on the edge of it.

"You're like a murderous little kitten, it's adorable" Raven quickly bopped Octavia's nose, continuing to tease the girl.

Octavia practically hissed at her, "I swear I'm going to kick your ass if you continue to test me"

"Don't make threats you can't keep now, you're way too adorable to kick my ass" Raven patted her head gently then turned to make her way out of the bedroom.

Before she made it out, she heard a roar of battle coming from Octavia and she knew the girl was coming after her. Without holding back a laugh, Raven quickly took off into a run for the lounge. Before she made it behind the sofa, Octavia managed to catch her and leap onto her back, wrapping her legs around her waist tightly and arms around her neck.

"I played college soccer, remember. You can't out run me" she declared in Raven's ear.

"Maybe I wanted you to catch me" Raven counter argued as she wrapped her arms around Octavia's legs to keep her in place.

"Of course you did, anything to help that ego of yours" she felt the girl smile against her neck, she was purposely letting her lips ghost over the skin to drive her crazy.

"Octavia" Raven warned as the breath on her neck was making her shiver and one of her hands was slipping under the neck of Raven's shirt.

"Raven" she purred back, her nose brushing up the skin of her neck and nestling behind her ear.

"You keep that up and end I'll dropping you" she could already feel her knees getting weak as she was losing herself to the sensations Octavia's breath was creating.

"Hmm" she hummed in her ear as her hand reached her left boob and slipped her hand under the cup of her bra, "but you feel so good".

Raven let her head fall back onto Octavia's shoulder as a small moan escaped her lips, her hands gripping at the girl's thighs.

Octavia finally let her lips make contact with Raven's neck and she couldn't help the smile that spread across her face at the sharp intake of Raven's breath. "God I love you" Raven let out suddenly, and Octavia took the opportunity to pull the girl's earlobe between her teeth, "I know" she spoke, as she began to brush her thumb over Raven's by now hard nipple.

She could feel Raven's body begin to weaken and shiver so she allowed her legs to tighten around her waist as Raven placed one hand on the back of the sofa to gain some balance. Octavia continued her assault on Raven's neck, currently trailing her teeth along the underside of her jaw as her hand gave the other boob attention. She could hear Raven's breathing grow heavier, and Octavia couldn't control how happy she felt on that moment. Even 6 years later she knew she could still drive Raven crazy and enjoyed doing so as frequently as they had in the beginning. 6 years later and she still couldn't get enough of this woman, her body, her mind, her soul. She was still addicted and she knew it - hell she'd known it for some time now – that this was who she wanted to spend her life with. No, not wanted, she needed.

"Marry me"

Octavia's lips stopped and her hand froze as she registered the words that just fell from Raven's mouth.

"What?" She asked, she must have heard her wrong. Surely Raven hadn't just asked her to marry her.

Raven tried to turn her head to look at her, "marry me" she repeated and Octavia mouth fell open in shock.

She slipped down from Raven's back and stood behind her, the girl slowly turning to look at her. She could see that worry in her eyes as she registered the shock on Octavia's face.

"Did you- did you just propose to me?" She stupidly asked.

"I know it's sudden and I don't have a ring and hell I didn't plan to do it this way. I wanted it to be perfect, get down on one knee for you and gave you the perfect speech I could-" Raven brought her eyes up from where they were watching her fingers and saw the tears in Octavia's eyes. Grabbing both of her hands, she squeezed them tightly, " oh god, babe I didn't mean to make you cry. Please don't cry, forget I said anything. I'll do this right, I promise. I'll make it perfect for you, just give me another chance to do this"

Octavia continued to let the tears fall and Raven began to wipe them away, the worry was overwhelming Raven. "It's not that" Octavia finally choked out and Raven cupped her face gently with her hand.

"What is it, sweetheart?" Raven asked gently, still scared she'd ruined this.

Octavia suddenly let out a wet laugh as she took Raven's hand from her face and kissed the palm before she suddenly turned and ran out of the room. Raven watched her leave and her heart began to sink at the possibility that this was it, this was how her heart would be broken. All because she blurted out something so damn fucking stupid whilst she was lost in the moment. Fucking idiot.

Before she could run after her and apologise over and over for how stupid she was, Octavia returned with a stupid grin on her face and Raven's fear subsided.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to do it like this. I just, I got lost in the moment and I just I love you so much and I cou-"

"Stop. It's okay, you dork" Octavia smiled with the tears still pooling her eyes, "I just can't believe you got round to it before me". Raven tilted her head slightly, looking at Octavia in confusion until the girl presented a black box that was hidden in her hand.

Octavia watched as the confusion on Raven's face formed into realisation and the most amazing smile formed on her face, causing the butterflies in her stomach to go crazy. Before Raven could reply, Octavia quickly took the chance to drop on one knee and smiled up at the girl who was now crying like she had earlier. "Raven Reyes, you're the most infuriating, hot-headed, sarcastic and frankly biggest pain in the ass I've ever known" Raven leaned forward and pushed her shoulder slightly in protest but Octavia laughed it off. "Yet despite all of it, I can't help but fall in love with you more and more everyday. Fall in love with your laugh, your smile, your ridiculous jokes and your bluntness. I love that to everyone else you have this hard exterior and yet you treat me with such gentleness, such care. You melt my heart even 6 years later and I still wake up every morning and can't believe how lucky I got to have you next to me. I honestly can't imagine living my life waking up to anyone else, so can you promise me that I won't have to by becoming my wife? Raven Reyes, will you marry me?". Octavia hadn't planned on such a long speech but once she started she just couldn't stop herself. She presented Raven with the ring but was quickly tackled to the floor as Raven threw herself at her.

"Oh my god you romantic little shit. Yes I'll marry you. God yes!" Raven cried as her face nuzzled into Octavia's neck, trying to get as close to her as humanly possible. Octavia wrapped her arms around the girl, holding her tightly as her cheeks hurt with smiling.

Raven suddenly freed her face and looked down at Octavia, "I can't physically handle how much I love you. It's driving me crazy, you're driving me crazy".

"Good, because you do the same to me" Octavia smiled up at her and then suddenly her lips were on Raven's. She could taste both of their tears as Raven's lips gently moved with hers, as they both tried to communicate how much they loved and needed one another using their lips.

"I can't believe you almost ruined my proposal" Octavia finally broke the kiss a few minutes later.

"I think I made it more perfect" Raven smiled smugly and received a tap on her ass for the comment.

"Always such a cocky asshole" Octavia rolled her eyes.

"A cocky asshole that you love and want to marry" Raven reminded her as she sat up to straddle Octavia's waist. "Gimme my ring!" Raven bounced impatiently.

Octavia laughed as she reached for he box that she placed down beside them whilst kissing and took the ring from it. Raven was already holding her hand out and was practically squealing when Octavia slipped the ring onto her finger.

"Perfect fit" Octavia was glad to find as Raven began to examine the ring properly, causing Octavia to suddenly hold her breath in preparation.

"It's perfect, just like you" Raven smiled down at her and Octavia tried, she tried so hard but she couldn't hold back the bark of laughter. "What!"

"I wish people knew how cheesy you were" Octavia answered.

"No one will ever know, and if you even try to tell anyone I'll tie you up and never let you see anyone again"

Octavia raised her eyebrow at the comment, "tie me up, huh?"

"Don't ruin the moment with your dirty mind!"

"Says the one who proposed cause I got you all turned on"

Raven couldn't argue with that, she did blurt it out in the middle of what could only be described as foreplay. "In my defence, I was planning on proposing anyway".

Octavia grabbed a handful of Raven's shirt and pulled her down towards her, "mhm of course you were, it had nothing to do with my lips on your neck like this" she spoke as she began to kiss Raven's neck again.

"Nothing at all" Raven spoke as her eyes fluttered shut.

"Or my hand on you here" she slipped her hand back under Raven's shirt and under her bra, taking her boob in her hand.

"Nuh uh" Raven barely managed to speak out.

"It's okay, babe. I'd wanna marry me too with how good I am in bed" she smiled against her neck and Raven's head suddenly snapped up.

"Hey, cockiness is my thing" she protested.

"Has anyone ever proposed to you because of how good you were making them feel?" Octavia smiled smugly.

"God I fucking hate you, I can't believe you're going to be my wife"

"I hate you too, now can you shut up so I can make love to my fiancée?"

Raven smug smile came back as she leaned forward, "making love to my fiancée for the first time on the floor? Girl of my dreams."

"I know, I'm perfect" Octavia smiled before Raven's mouth consumed hers and they both lost themselves in each other's bodies, promising forever with every touch and kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

It had been almost a week since their engagement and Rave and Octavia still hasn't announced it to anyone of their friends. Instead, only Raven's parents knew and Octavia's grandparents. They wanted to tell everyone together but when all your friends are spread around the country and busy, it was proven to be difficult to get everyone together. So they settled with having most of their friends get together tonight; Clarke, Noah, Anya, Lexa, Lincoln, Bellamy, Monty and even Echo managed to make an appearance from her home in New Jersey. And being the couple that they are, they decided the best way to celebrate their engagement was to get blindly drunk and party. They were still young, after all.

\\\\\

"I think I've come to the realisation that I'm never going to get rid of her"

"Oh c'mon, Anya. You can pretend all you like but we all know you have a soft spot for Octavia" Lincoln spoke loudly from his place on the sofa, watching some baseball game as Lexa and Anya were getting ready in the bathroom.

"You be quiet! I do not have a soft spot for anyone" Anya scoffed making Lexa laugh but quickly stopped when she saw the glare Anya shot her way, "you be quiet too"

Hearing the knock on the door, Lexa quickly moved out of the room taking it as a queue to avoid Anya's wrath, "I'll get it!" She called over her shoulder.

She threw the door open, "you" she said, glaring at the girl in the doorway.

"Hey rival! Long time no see, huh?" Echo chirped as she made her way into the apartment.

"Last time I saw you I think I recall my team beat your ass" Lexa smiled kindly as she shut the door and turned, opening her arms to the girl that quickly entered them. "It's good to see you away from the field"

"You too, Woods. Next season though, I'm coming for you" she tapped her back. Echo had been the only other of her teammates from college that had continued their pursuit of soccer and was now a player in the NWSL, currently playing for Sky Blue FC.

"Bring it on, we'll show you how it's really done" she teased back.

Lexa had agreed it was okay for Echo to stay at her apartment for the next week, figuring it would be good for someone to house sit whilst she was gone. She was travelling to Alabama on Monday for a friendly match against France before travelling for another France at home game.

After a few pre drinks at Anya's and the girls finally finished getting ready, everyone set off to meet the others at Raven's apparent go to club: 22.

"Why was Octavia so insistent that I make it tonight anyway?" Echo asked as they rode in the cab towards to club.

Everyone shrugged, including Lexa although she had figured it was due to the engagement Octavia had asked her to help with. "Beats me. Maybe she just misses everyone?"

"We went out not too long ago, and Bellamy and Jasper were home a week or so ago" Lincoln remembered, he was missing his buddy already.

"They probably want to wish me well on my upcoming friendlies" Lexa spoke, sending a nudge to Echo to taunt her for not yet making it to the National team.

"Shut it, asshole. I'll be there soon enough"

"Of course you will" Lexa patronised and received a punch from Echo.

The cab finally pulled up and they made their way onto the club, hoping everyone would already be there. Echo was definitely in the party mood but frankly, all Lexa could think about was seeing Clarke again.

They hadn't seen each other since their full night together, only sneaky little texts here and there to remind one another of the spark between them. Lexa's heart was already beating in anticipation, not quite sure how she'd be able to keep her feelings to herself or generally not flirt with Clarke. It was practically impossible for her not to flirt with her, it was like a second nature to have that flirty banter. And then there was the attraction, Lexa both hated and loved how much of a hormone controlled teenager she became around Clarke. The undeniable spark that came with both of them was hard to ignore, along with the way her body just came to life around the beautiful blonde.

Being around Clarke tonight was going to be difficult.

Making their way into the club, they followed Raven's directions from previous texts and found themselves at a private booth where they were the last ones to arrive. Everyone said their hellos, particularly greeting Echo and moving from their seats to try and get a hug from the girl they hadn't seen in almost a year.

Whilst everyone was saying their hellos and scooting over in the booth to provide more space for everyone to sit, Lexa couldn't help but let her eyes wander over Clarke. Were those leather pants? Oh fuck. Lexa was dying to see how great her ass looked in those. It probably looked as great as her breasts did in the low cut white shirt she was wearing too, such a generous amount of cleavage on show. Lexa couldn't help but want to find the stains of Clarke's red lipstick on her shirt collar in the morning, those lips looked so inviting. And those eyes, she could get lost in them and happily stay lost. Fuck, she was staring. She quickly looked away but not before one of the corner's of Clarke's mouth lifted in a half smirk. She was caught.

"Okay so now that everyone is here, Octavia and I would like to share some news with you" Raven spoke loudly enough to be heard over the music.

"Turkey baster pregnancy, I called it first!" Echo interrupted, getting a glare from Bellamy in return. Would he ever not be so damn fatherly to Octavia.

"Not quite yet, E. Maybe in the future though, we get plenty of practice" Raven winked at her girlfriend who happily smiled back. "But first, we figured we should make things more official. And well, obviously O here just couldn't imagine losing me so she put a ring on it" Raven held up her hand for everyone to see and Clarke practically squealed loud enough for everyone.

"OH MY GOD NO WAY! YOU GUYS!" Thankfully Clarke had already been sitting beside Octavia so crushing her in a bear hug was no problem at all.

Everyone congratulated the newly engaged couple, and Lincoln even joked about a joint wedding which Anya nearly spit her drink out over. Now that was something that Lexa would die to see. Bellamy even seemed undeniably happy for his sister, and even Raven. So much so that Lexa was pretty sure she saw him crying whilst he hugged his little sister. Thankfully he must have realised how great they were together and that despite everything, Raven would always take care of his younger sister. Lexa really couldn't think of two people that belonged together more than Raven and Octavia. Well, apart from her and Clarke.

"Guess we're just waiting on Noah to pop the question now" Lincoln spoke jokingly, not realising the effect it would have on Lexa. She physically felt her heart sink at the possibility of Clarke marrying someone else, and when she saw his arm tighten around Clarke's shoulder and the kiss he planted against her temple, she felt sick.

"A little too early for that, I'd say but I'd have objections to it if it continues to be this great" Noah smiled whilst looking at Clarke.

Lexa saw the forced smile Clarke put on, before her eyes locked on Lexa's but instead of holding the contact, Lexa broke it quickly and took a large drink of her beer.

"Shall we begin this celebration or what?" Lexa shouted over the music, she needed to get out of this booth or rather she needed to get away from having to sit and watch Noah so easily touch Clarke.

"I'm with the commander, lets fucking dance!" Echo cheered, downing the remains of her vodka and coke and shuffling her, Anya and Lexa out of the booth.

\\\\\

Clarke felt awful. She couldn't get the look of hurt on Lexa's face when Noah and Lincoln joked of her marrying Noah out of her head. It was only for a brief second, it passed so quickly that Clarke wasn't even sure if she had really seen it or if her imagination conjured it up to prove to her Lexa felt the same way as she did. But the way Lexa had practically ran away from them all and went to dance with Echo and Anya convinced Clarke that is wasn't just her imagination.

But why? As far as Lexa was concerned, what was happening between them was only sex. She'd said it herself. Maybe she was just imagining it.

"Shall we dance then, beautiful?" Noah held is hand out for her and she took it, allowing him to clear a path through the mass of bodies. He spun around and pulled her close to him, "I hope Linc's comment didn't phase you" he shouted for her to hear as they both started moving to some generic electronic club song.

"No, I'm just glad we're both in agreement that it's too early for that" she smiled up at him, her hands against his chest.

"I wouldn't mind marrying you one day" he admitted and Clarke just couldn't find herself able to say the same so instead, she leaned forward and kissed him. She had meant for it to be chaste but Noah's hands quickly found the small of her back, keeping her close as he continued the kiss. She tried to lose herself in the kiss, she continued to kiss back and concentrated on his body moving against hers, his hands now on her hips, squeezing.

She tries, but she just couldn't. Her body wasn't responding and all she could think about was whether Lexa had had to see this. She pulled away, smiling as she did so not to alarm him, "we should stop before Octavia and Raven harass us" she played along.

"Or maybe we should get out of here? It has been like a week" He leaned down as kissed her neck. Clarke had done her best at avoiding Noah's advances over the past week due to the damn hickies Lexa had so graciously left her with.

"You must seriously have a death wish"

She could feel him laugh against her neck as he continued the kissing, and as she tilted her head she caught sight of someone familiar out the corner of her eye. Turning more, she saw her, she saw Lexa, watching them. As soon as Lexa caught her looking, she looked away but Clarke still pushed Noah off.

"I'm going for another drink, want one?" She smiled and he nodded, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before she went to the bar and Noah made his way over to where Raven, Octavia, Bellamy and Monty were all dancing.

"2 corona's please" she mouthed as best as she could to the bartender and waited. She leaned back against the bar and looked around, trying to find Lexa within the bodies but failing.

"Go for it! She's hot as fuck and if you don't you're going to regret it" she overheard the girl beside her prepping her friend. "If you don't, I will. I have a thing for girl's that look that good in a shirt. And it's a flower shirt, weakness".

Clarke immediately clicked on to who they must have been talking about. Lexa was wearing a flower shirt, navy blue with small white flowers all over and she was yet to see any other woman to pull off a shirt as well as Lexa did.

The bartender placed the beers down beside her and as she turned to thank him, she saw the girl push off the bar and into the crowd. She was heading for Lexa. She followed the girl with her eyes, trying not to lose her and soon enough she had found her way to Lexa. Clarke watched as the girl placed a hand on Lexa's shoulder before leaning in to whisper something in her ear, no doubt asking if she wanted to dance. Lexa would say no, she knew it. Lexa knew that Clarke was here and she wouldn't dance with someone else, surely.

But she was wrong. Clarke saw Lexa smile, probably startling the girl because it was perfect. Just like everything about her and then she saw Lexa joining the girl to dance.

Clarke couldn't see their bodies, she couldn't see where any of their hands were but she could guess. Clarke felt her hand tighten on her own beer, imagining the girl's hands on Lexa's hips, on the small of her back and she couldn't stop the anger that was ripping through her. She could practically see their bodies grinding against each other as she watched Lexa run her hands threw her own hair. Desire emerged as she concentrated on Lexa, watching her lose herself in the music, something she done every time they were out. Memories of how well Lexa's body moved against hers when they would dance together flooded her thoughts, her well Lexa's hips rolled against her and the tight hold she would have on Clarke's hips.

She was practically vibrating with desire at the thoughts when she was reminded Lexa wasn't alone. She saw the girl lean forward, not tall enough to make contact with Lexa's lips but it didn't stop her placing her damn mouth against Lexa's neck.

Clarke saw red, she slammed the beer down on the table and made her way forward. She barged through the crowd, not bothering to apologise to anyone she may or may not have hurt until she reached Lexa. Without even bothering to alert the already busy couple with her presence, she grab hold of Lexa's arm which she had unfortunately noticed was around the smaller girl and pulled her off, keeping her grip tight as she pulled her through the crowd.

"Hey!" She heard someone shout after then, assuming it was the small girl but she ignored it.

"What the fu-" Lexa blurted, stopping when she realised it was Clarke.

Clarke didn't bother to explain anything, she just continued to pull Lexa away from the crowd, away from their friends and into another crowded room. She kept walking until she was sure they were far enough away and hidden enough from everyone and pulled Lexa into a dark section of the room. She pulled her around and placed her back against the wall, "what the fuck was that!"

Lexa couldn't keep the smile off her face, "uh I don't quite know what you're referring to, Clarke"

"Don't play the idiot, it's not attractive on you" Clarke really wasn't interesting in playing this game with her.

"What's wrong, Clarke? Were you jealous?" Lexa tilted her head to the side, obviously enjoying this.

"Why the hell would I be jealous? We're not together" she tried to reason, more with herself than to Lexa.

"Admit it, Clarke. You were jealous. You want me all to yourself"

"No. I just didn't want to see you wasting your time."

"Wasting my time? She looked like she could have been fun, I wouldn't say it was a waste of my time" Lexa smirked, clearly referring to sleeping with her.

"You know she wouldn't have compared"

Lexa stepped forward, clearly gaining confidence as she snaked an arm around Clarke's waist, "compared to what, Clarke?" She pretended not to know what Clarke was referring to.

"You know what" she let herself be pulled into Lexa's body, feeling her body coming alive.

"Maybe you should refresh my memory" Lexa's mouth turned into a smirk before she bit down on her lip, her eyes dropping to watch Clarke's lips. "And I'll remind you how you should be kissed".

Before Clarke could reply, Lexa had already leaned forward and gently pulled Clarke's bottom lip between her teeth before she kissed her. Lexa's lips against hers was something she would never get used to, the feeling was too indescribable even if she could comprehend it herself. Clarke quickly responded, her hands gripping the collar of Lexa's shirt and she immediately felt the girl smile into the kiss.

The kiss continued to grow heated and Clarke could feel Lexa's need for control growing stronger, and Clarke decided to tease her. Pushing Lexa's hands off her hips, pinning them to get sides as she bit down on the girl's tongue. Lexa growled, and as badly as Clarke wanted to, Lexa was stronger so she couldn't keep Lexa's arms pinned for long. Before she knew it, it was her own back against the wall and Lexa's body moving against hers. The rhythm of the music controlling their bodies and the pace of the kiss.

Clarke was losing herself to Lexa all over again.

To her dismay, Lexa pulled back, her hands leaning on either side of Clarke's head. She could feel Lexa's warm, heavy breath against her lips, "I'm not going to be able to control myself if we don't stop now"

"Is the commander losing control?" Clarke teased, her hands playing with the top button on Lexa's shirt.

"Clarke" she heard the warning in Lexa's voice, "if you don't stop I will fuck you"

Clarke couldn't stop the groan that escaped her lips, she was so worked up from the kiss alone and Lexa just saying those words was enough to make the desire flood her entire body. She saw Lexa's sly smile as she pulled back a little to get a better look of Clarke's face, "you haven't been able to let Noah touch you because of the hickies, have you?" Lexa's smile grew at that, "good, now I've got you exactly where I want you"

Clarke furrowed her brows in confusion, "where's that?"

"Begging for it" Lexa crushed her lips to Clarke's again, leaving no time for a build up but instead slipping her tongue into Clarke's mouth immediately. Her hands grabbing at her body, her hips, her ribs, her chest, her ass, Clarke was losing her mind with lust. Her body was rolling against Lexa's without a conscious effort and when the brunette's hands slipped under her shirt, she moaned at the skin on skin contact which only grew louder when Lexa's removed her mouth to bite gently on her neck. Clarke dug her nails into Lexa's shoulders as best as she could through the girl's shirt, "don't leave a mark" she warned breathlessly.

She felt Lexa smile against her neck as she soothed the bite with her tongue before pulling away, "oh baby, I've already left my mark"

Clarke panicked, her hand going to her neck, "Lexa you best be fucking joking".

"Not there, Clarke. Here" she pushed her thigh between Clarke's legs and applied pressure, "I'm sure you'll think of me with every throb your pussy makes" Lexa gave her a quick kiss before she turned to leave.

Clarke quickly threw her hand out to grasp Lexa's arm, "where are you going!?"

"Back to the celebration" Lexa was smiling that damn cocky smile that simultaneously made her want to smack and kiss her.

"Are you kidding right now?"

"I told you you'd be begging" Lexa winked and left, leaving Clarke entirely too unsatisfied to control. She needed Lexa, fuck she needed her badly. She needed to figure something out.

\\\\\

"If this damn bartender doesn't look at me in the next second I'm jumping this bar and getting my own damn drinks!" Raven had been standing waiting to be served for too long, she was losing her patience.

"Babe, please don't make me have to arrest you on the night we announce our engagement" Octavia soothing voice in her ear.

"This is ridiculous! I'm heading to another room, see if the bar is less busy" Raven stormed off. On one hand Raven loved clubs but on the other she couldn't stand having to queue so long for a god damn drink. Patience wasn't really her thing.

Making her way to the closest room, the music change was actually pleasant. Mostly due to hearing lyrics within the songs instead of nothing but an electronic beat. She spotted the bar and praised the heavens that it didn't look as crowded as the other. She slipped through the crowd and within a few minutes, a bartender was serving her as she ordered drinks for Octavia and herself. She leaned onto the bar, patiently waiting as best as she could for her drinks and decided to people watch as she did. Nothing but sweaty bodies dancing all over one another, drinks being spilled with every accidental knock, guys trying their luck with any girl they could dance up on. The club scene, sleazy but still enjoyable.

The bartender had just given her the drinks and her change back when she caught sight of something familiar, a glimpse of golden hair. She narrowed her eyes, trying to get a closer look and discovered that whoever it was currently enjoying themselves a little too much for being around so many people. Before she looked away, feeling a little creepy that she had even looked so long at two people making out, the bodies that were blocking most of her view moved and she immediately recognised the shirt. Lexa had pulled! About time, she needed some fun before she got back into training and matches again.

Just as she was about to make her way back and tell everyone the news, Lexa moved her head, and looked like she was kissing the girl's neck and Raven's mouth fell open. The girl was Clarke. Lexa was kissing Clarke. Clarke who had Noah.

Raven shook her head, she must be seeing things, maybe Lexa just found someone who looked scarily a lot like Clarke. She grabbed the drinks and made her way closer, still staying a good distance away as not to be seen. She needed a better look to make sure it wasn't Clarke. Clarke wouldn't do this.

But she would, and as Raven crept closer she couldn't deny it any longer. Clarke and Lexa were getting it on, and it definitely didn't look like Clarke was trying to push her off.

Fuck. Why did she have to see this? What the fuck was she going to do with this information? She should tell Noah, he didn't deserve this. But Clarke and Lexa were her best friends, and she had messed up before by telling Clarke that Lexa wasn't cheating on her back in college. But this wasn't deniable.

Raven turned away, she needed to get away from this. She had to figure out what to do. She had to figure out if she could even tell Octavia. Maybe she could just talk to Clarke and Lexa about it first, if it was a one time thing when they were drunk then that would be okay, right?

Fuck. She didn't know what to do.


	10. Chapter 10

Clarke was laying on the sofa, alone. She was still trying her best at making excuses for Noah not to stay over in case he caught sight of the now nearly faded marks over her hips and thighs. Tonight she had claimed she wasn't feeling too great and would rather not infect him too.

Lexa had left for Alabama that morning, much to Clarke's disappointment. She hadn't seen the girl since Octavia and Raven's engagement announcement and now she was gone for 9 days. It shouldn't bother her, really. But she knew it would, she knew it as soon as she knew Lexa had left the state. She missed her.

She checked the clock, it was 9pm. That would make it 11pm in Alabama. Surely Lexa wouldn't be asleep by now. She chanced it and decided a text wouldn't hurt.

Clarke: Are you awake?

Clarke rested her phone against her chest, watching more reruns of Kitchen Nightmares because really, who didn't love a yelling Gordon Ramsey?

Before long, she felt to soft vibrate to signify a text.

Lexa: Against all better judgment, yes. What can I do for you, Clarke?

Clarke: I didn't get to see you before you left

Lexa: Agreeing to let Echo stay with me proved to be an inconvenience.

Lexa: Are you missing me already?

Clarke: I may be missing certain aspects of you..

Lexa: Oh? I'm intrigued, what are you missing?

Clarke sighed, because really she was missing everything. She was missing curling up on the sofa together and missing the ends of movies because they always somehow got distracted. Whether it was kissing or talking or just general messing around. Or more so than once, Clarke just losing herself in the perfection that was Lexa Woods.

But she couldn't tell Lexa that. So instead she distracted herself with what Lexa was expecting.

Clarke: Right now, I'm particularly missing your hands.

Lexa: My hands? Hm, why might that be?

Clarke: You've always been particularly talented with those…

Lexa: Do you want my hands on you, Clarke?

Realisation hit Clarke again, was she really about to start a sexting session with Lexa?

Clarke: I shouldn't, fuck sake Lexa I shouldn't want you.

Lexa: You're only human ;)

Clarke: Fuck you

Lexa: Please do. I wouldn't mind you being in my bed, treating me to a massage. You've always been pretty good with your hands too

Clarke smiled to herself as she remembered all the times she'd massage Lexa after games, especially when she'd made it into pro league. She made a mental note to give Lexa one when she returned.

Clarke: Play your cards right and you might get one when you're back ;)

Lexa: Can't tease a girl like that, not when your massages are up for offer

Clarke: You have no issue teasing me in clubs and jetting off to another state for over a week, I think I'm allowed to tease a little

Lexa: You should wait for me

Clarke's heart began to beat faster, she could feel it in her throat as she considered what Lexa's words meant. Wait for her? Before she could freak out any more, her phone vibrated again.

Lexa: I'm not going to lie, Clarke. I enjoy Noah not being able to touch you, I enjoy being the only one that gets you off.

Lexa: Wait for me. If you can and I'll make it completely worth your while when I get back.

Clarke couldn't help but read further into Lexa's words. Lexa didn't like Noah touching her, Lexa wanted her all to herself. Okay, so maybe she just wanted to be the only one that got to "get her off" but Lexa had practically just admitted she wanted Clarke to herself and she couldn't control the happiness it brought her.

Clarke: It's been over a week, Lexa. He's wondering why I won't let him get close to me anymore, why I won't even let him stay over. I don't think I can make excuses for another 9 days

Lexa: Clarke. Do you remember what it was like when we finally got our hands on each other every time I'd come back to you?

Clarke thought back to going weeks or months without seeing Lexa, without being able to touch or be touched by her. That pang in her heart came back as she remembered how awful it was. But then she remembered the moments they finally reunited. The moments where their lips and hands couldn't stop roaming, like their bodies weren't in their control but in the control of the others. It was intense, but things always were with Lexa. And who was she kidding? It was definitely mind blowing.

Clarke: I remember, Lexa. That's the problem, I remember everything you've made me feel

Lexa: Wait till I'm home, I can make you feel that way again, the way that no one else can

Clarke scoffed, Lexa was so damn cocky it hurt yet she couldn't help how attractive it was. Lexa's confidence had always been something that attracted her, and the girl always oozed it. Oh and maybe, just maybe she was right. No one made her feel the way Lexa does.

Lexa: I really need to get to sleep, Clarke. Early morning training and drills. Wait for me. Goodnight

Clarke: I'll do my best. Goodnight, Lexa

\\\\\

Clarke was in the middle of getting ready for her shift at the hospital, when she heard persistent knocking on her door.

"Who the" she muttered to herself as she ran towards the door, looking quickly through the peephole she saw Raven and her heart calmed.

She pulled the door open and Raven barged in before she could even welcome her. "Do come in, Raven" she said sarcastically.

"Don't, Clarke"

Hearing Raven's tone immediately made Clarke stop playing around and after closing the door, she turned to face her. Raven was looking at her with an unreadable expression, "what's wrong?"

"I've tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, I've tried to just ignore it and not get involved. But I can't, Clarke."

Clarke was worried, what the hell was she talking about? What had she done to upset Raven, or Octavia? "I-I don't understand what you mean, Raven"

"Lexa"

At the name, Clarke's heart began to race and panic shot through her body. She had to quickly mask her expression, she had to keep herself as calm as possible. She couldn't let Raven see her panic.

"What about Lexa?" She spoke with a surprisingly calm voice.

"Don't act stupid, Clarke. You know exactly what I'm talking about"

"I don't"

Raven groaned loudly, putting her hands in her hair and turning so her back was facing Clarke. "You're cheating on him"

The words hit Clarke hard. She knew what she was doing but hearing those words, hearing them come from someone else reinforced her guilt.

"I saw you and Lexa in the club, Clarke. I saw you two and I'm trying to be your friend by asking you about it first but this isn't right" Raven turned back, taking a few steps towards Clarke, "what's going on, Clarke?"

Clarke faced Raven, weighing the options in her head as to what to tell her. The truth or a lie.

"Nothing, Raven. It was a mistake, a stupid drunken mistake." She lied.

"Please don't lie to me, Clarke. I know the history between you two, and I might try to understand but I need you to tell me the truth" Raven spoke softly.

"I'm not lying, Raven. I don't know what happened, or how it happened. It just happened and I was stupid enough not to stop it" she lied, again.

"That was the only time?"

"Yes" and again.

"I need to tell Octavia" Raven put her hand on her hip, stating it wasn't an option.

"Raven please, you can't! No one else needs to know about this, it was a stupid mistake. I got caught up in Lexa and our past but it won't happen again!" Clarke was panicking, she could feel her body temperature rising, she couldn't let anyone else find out.

"She's my fiancée, Clarke! And your best friend! We can't keep this from her, she won't forgive either of us"

Clarke knew Raven was right but she couldn't process having anyone else know about this. Having Raven know was making her panic enough, no one could find out.

"Raven. At least just give me some time, okay? Please just give me time. I'll tell her" she reasoned. If she had some time she could figure something out, it also meant she could talk to Lexa.

Raven let out an exaggerated sigh, "fine, you have a week. If you haven't told her by then I will"

Clarke smiled weakly, "thank you"

Raven shook her head, "don't thank me. You've fucked up, big time. You and Lexa have history but it doesn't give you a free pass to cheat. You need to get your shit together, Griffin."

Clarke tried to speak, but Raven cut her off, "nope, I don't want to hear anymore. If you said it was a one time mistake, I can keep this from Noah. I don't fucking agree with it, fuck I don't! But you're my god damn best friend, and Lexa is too so I won't say anything to him".

Clarke let out a sigh of relief, "I'm so sorry you've been dragged into this"

Raven waved off her apology as she walked towards the door, "it best have only been one time, Clarke. Whatever the fuck happened between you two, it can't happen again. And I'll be making that clear to Lexa too" she finished with the door slamming behind her.

\\\\\

Lexa settled into her seat on the bus after yet another successful training session before the game tomorrow. Giving her phone a quick check before relaxing with some music on, she noticed the numerous missed calls and texts; all from Clarke.

Clarke: Lexa answer your damn phone

Clarke: I really need to talk to you

Clarke: Dammit Lexa

Clarke: Call me when you can, I have to work now

After reading the texts, she listened to her voicemails next:

"Lexa we really need to talk, I need you to phone me as soon as you can. Oh god, just phone me soon please"

"Fucking hell Lexa I really need you to get back to me, I'm freaking out"

Lexa could hear the fear laced in Clarke's voice and immediately dialled her number, but there was nothing but voicemail. Clarke was obviously at work, she decided to leave a message: "hey I just got all your messages, I was in training. I'll have my phone on me for the remaining of the day so just give me a call when you can. Whatever it is, it'll be okay, Clarke." She tried as best as she could to reassure the girl with the last sentence.

What on earth had Clarke so worked up? Had something happened with Noah? With her mother? Did she have an argument with Octavia or Raven? Lexa's mind was working overtime trying to figure out what could be happening in Seattle.

"Hey Woody, everything okay?"

"Huh?" Lexa looked up from her phone which she was apparently rereading Clarke's text messages to see Kling staring down at her from the seat in front of her.

"You good?" She could see the small concern as the defender lowered her voice a little.

"Oh yeah, yeah sorry. I was just reading my texts, must've zoned out" Lexa smiled reassuringly.

Kling nodded and settled back into her seat just as the bus was about to leave, taking them back to the hotel.

"I may have accidentally offered up our room for a movie night" O'Hara slipped into the seat next to Lexa.

"How do you accidentally offer up our room?!" Lexa asked her roommate, trying hard to contain her smile.

"Probably by proposing a movie night and realising I was unprepared and panicked" she shrugged.

"Curfew is 9:30, we can't risk being tired and unprepared tomorrow" Lexa spoke seriously, she always made sure she had a good rest before game. Being tired meant your reflexes were slower, your judgement becomes blurred, and your movements can become uncoordinated. She couldn't risk that, not if she was to receive playing time. She had to impress Ellis.

"Already made that clear, none of us are risking that" O'Hara agreed. Kelley was one of the girls she had become particularly close to during her time with the national team. The girl was undeniably professional on field and understood exactly how Lexa was feeling with the pressure of making it to the roster for the Olympics. Although everyone on the team took their training and games seriously, there was just something more intense about O'Hara's passion and focus that Lexa could relate to.

"I guess we're hosting movie night then"

\\\\\

Movie night turned into Brian, Kling, Rapinoe, Rodriquez and Johnston joining O'Hara and Lexa in their room and renting any comedy starring Melissa McCarthy. The Heat was currently playing but Lexa had lost interest in it long ago, still waiting on Clarke calling her.

So far she had been preoccupied enough by discussing strategy against France and taking more pointers from the veterans. She knew Ellis would be allowing more of the new kids to play during these friendly games, analysing their play. Lexa needed to get her head in the game and play better than she's had before if or when she got her chance.

But right now, her head was elsewhere and she knew she needed Clarke to call her soon or she wouldn't sleep. She wouldn't sleep until she knew Clarke was okay, and it worried her.

"Hey Woody! You listening?" Rapinoe pulled Lexa from her thoughts as a piece of popcorn was thrown her way.

"Sorry sorry, what were you saying?"

"We're all pretty convinced that you're getting playing time tomorrow. You've been impressive in training lately and Ellis would be insane not to put you in against France. You think you can get your first international goal?" Pinoe raised an eyebrow in a challenge.

"Only if you nail the assist, can't do it without you" Lexa smiled. She and Rapinoe had a chemistry on the field that was quite frankly dangerous, if you were an opponent that is. Both players could practically read each other's minds, knowing which runs to take, which play to make, which passes to make in order to slip through defence.

"Me and you Woody, against the world"

"Team players, huh?" Brian spoke up, causing Lexa and the girls to laugh.

Just before she could reply, her phone started to ring. Looking at the caller ID she saw Clarke's name and quickly excused herself.

"I'll keep your spot warm for you!" She heard Kling call from behind her as she made her way out the room, guess she lost her spot on the bed.

"Hey" she greeted, knowing Clarke wouldn't waste any time.

"I have to be quick, I've only just managed a quick break. Raven knows" Clarke spoke hurriedly.

"Raven knows what?"

"What the fuck do you think, Lexa? She knows about us!" Clarke obviously wasn't very patient today.

"Okay, first let's calm down so we can actually talk about this, okay?" Lexa kept her tone calming, she knew she would have to spend a lot of this conversation trying to calm Clarke down.

She heard Clarke sigh a few times, trying to regain her control, "sorry, it's just been really stressful at the hospital today and now fucking Raven knows about us. She saw us at the club and I lied to her, Lexa. I told her it was only the one time and that we were drunk. I feel like crap. Why am I such an awful person, Lexa?" She heard the shaking in Clarke's voice and her heart began to break.

"Clarke. Listen to me, you're not a bad person. You're amazing. You're calling me from a hospital right now where you dedicate so much of your life helping people and putting their needs before yourself. Would an awful person do that?" She heard Clarke sniffle, trying to hold back the tears and continued, "this is my fault and I'll make that clear to Raven. I pursued you, you told me no and I didn't listen. I'll fix this, Clarke" she let out a breath of defeat.

"Lexa no" Clarke spoke weakly, and Lexa could still hear the shaking in her voice. Clarke was definitely past trying to hold the tears in now.

"I'll sort this out, I'll explain to Raven it was all me and you were trying to push me off. Fuck, Clarke, I'm so sorry I've done this to you" Lexa slipped down the wall, her head tilted back in frustration.

"I wish you were here"

Lexa's heart stopped at those words. "I know, Clarke. Me too" she spoke quietly, this was becoming dangerous territory.

She heard Clarke's sobs get stuck in the back of her throat and ached to hold the girl, "But I shouldn't, you shouldn't be the one I still want when I'm like this. Why is it you, Lexa?"

"Because it's us, because we're Clarke and Lexa. Because despite everything, despite the years we've spent apart, you're still my Clarke and if there's one thing I know about her, it's how to deal with her tears"

She heard the wet laugh from Clarke and Lexa smiled at the sound, "Are you implying I cry a lot, Miss Woods?"

"Don't think I've forgotten all those movies night where you ended up crying into my shirt. I still have the tear marks on some of them" Lexa joked, aching to hear that laughter from the girl.

And she was rewarded because Clarke let out another laugh, "I did not cry that often!"

"Of course not, baby girl" the familiar term slipped out, and she heard the slight intake of breath from the other end of the phone. "Shit Clarke sorry, I didn't mean to. It just slip-"

"No one calls me that, you know" Clarke interrupted, "Noah said it once and I had to ask him not to"

"Why?"

"Because it reminded me of you. Because it didn't feel right hearing it from anyone else. Because, because..." Clarke trailed off.

"Because you're my baby girl"


	11. Chapter 11

Lexa was convinced today had been the best day of her life… So far.

Lexa had opened up more than she anticipated but hearing Clarke cry broke her and she couldn't hold it in. But Clarke was opening up too. She missed Lexa, she still wanted Lexa to be the one to comfort her, she was still Lexa's baby girl.

"I don't think I've ever stopped being your baby girl". Those words were still being replayed in her head and the smile couldn't leave her face. Lexa couldn't deny the spark of hope that ignited in her after their conversation and it was evident more than ever. Clarke and Lexa belonged together.

Additionally, Lexa now had her first international goal. It was the 83rd minute and with a precision cross from Rapinoe's corner kick, Lexa beat out 2 French defenders and volleyed the ball into the top left corner.

She was currently surrounded by her teammates celebrating their 3-1 win over France. "Welcome to the scoring sheet, Woods!" Morgan shouted over the loud chatter of the team as they enjoyed a meal and few drinks back at their hotel.

"To Lexa's first international goal!" Shouted Rapinoe as she raised her glass and the rest of the team followed.

"TO LEXA" everyone cheered and clinked their glasses.

This was what Lexa would never get tired of, the comradery within this team. She had been in a number of teams throughout her life, and although she loved each and every one of them, and the relationships they brought with them. This team was different. This team already felt like family. She couldn't control the smile that broke out on her face as she looked around the table at everyone. She was still fairly a 'new kid' within the team but already, they welcomed her with open arms and helped in any way they could for her to better her talent.

"You guys are such losers, thank you" Lexa finally spoke, the smile on her face still strong.

"Ahem, I think you mean winners" O'Hara joked, giggling at her own joke.

The team fell silent, all looking at Kelley with anything but an amused expression until they couldn't hold it in any longer and the table burst into laughter. The team spent the remaining of the night celebrating their win before their flight to France the following day, which left them retiring to their beds earlier than any of them would like.

Not for Lexa though, she still had a phone call to make and decided that she may as well rip the band aid off and get it over with before she had to endure the 10 hours plus flight to France.

Making her way back down to the foyer of the hotel, Lexa began to dial Raven's number.

"This better be good, Lexa" Raven answered.

"Hello to you too, Reyes"

"You still love her" Raven suddenly spoke, back tracking Lexa and what she had expected.

She let out a deep sigh, out of Octavia and Raven, Raven was the one that she had always been closer to. Along with Anya, the girl had become her best friend. "I don't think I've ever stopped" she admitted.

"Then what are you going to do about it?"

"What can I do, Raven? She's with Noah, she's made it clear that she loves him and she wants to be with him"

"I saw you two, Lexa. There's always been something between you two, and it's still there, it's always going to be there and it's obvious that neither of you can fight it."

"It's just physical for her, Raven."

"Bullshit, Woods. That girl has never gotten over you. Props to her because she tried, Octavia and I sure as hell helped her but that girl still loves you, Lexa. That breakup didn't change anything.

\\\\\

 _"You never know, Lexa!" Clarke shouted._

 _"How do you expect me to know this stuff, Clarke? I'm busy, you're busy, and my schedule is all over the place as is yours. I can't just magic free time out of nowhere so I can come visit you"_

 _"We haven't seen each other is god knows how long, we hardly even talk anymore, Lexa. I miss you too much to fucking handle, I can barely function with how bad I miss you" Clarke's voice grew softer._

 _"I miss you too, Clarke. Don't you think I'd be with you if I could? But we can't just drop everything to do that. We both have dreams, we both have ambitions and this is the sacrifice we have to make"_

 _"I don't think I can handle this. I thought I could, I really did."_

 _"I'm sorry, Clarke. I don't know how to fix this." Lexa could feel what was coming, and she understood it. If she was honest with herself, she would know she had been thinking about it too but her heart still broke at the thought. Was this it?_

 _"You can't, Lexa. Neither of us can. You're right, we both have our lives to shape. You have your soccer, I have medical school. We can't give those up for one another" Clarke's heart was breaking, she could feel the pain seeping in and taking hold of her._

 _"Clarke" Lexa spoke softly, she was fighting the tears that were stinging her eyes. She wouldn't cry over the phone, she wouldn't make this any worse of the girl whose heart was breaking just as badly as hers._

 _"Long distance just doesn't work for us, Lexa."_

 _Lexa took a shaky breath, "I know, baby" she heard Clarke's intake of breath as she fought her own tears at the name. "This just isn't the right time for us, we both have very different paths right now and I couldn't ask you to give up yours for me, no matter how bad I don't want this to end"._

 _Clarke began to sniffle, she was trying really hard to fight off the tears but they kept escaping without permission, "Is this it, Lexa?"_

 _Lexa took a deep breath, closing her eyes and trying to find the right words, the strength to even say them as her whole body fought against it. After a few seconds of silence, she finally answered, "For now, Clarke, yes. This just isn't our time. But you're it for me, Clarke. This might be selfish of me to say but I truly believe that. You're the one for me, Clarke Griffin and if by some miracle I'm that for you too then I'll come back to you one day, when the time is right."_

 _With tears freely streaming down her face, Clarke somehow found herself smiling at the thought of Lexa's words, "I guess I'll be seeing you in the future then, Lexa Woods."_

 _"I love you, Clarke Griffin. Goodbye… for now"_

 _"I love you too, Lexa."_

 _And with that, both girls hung up. Both giving over to the crushing weight of heartache as their tears consumed them._

\\\\\

"She's always been the one for me, Raven and now that I've found her again, I can't help but feel like it's because I was supposed to".

"Then fight for you girl, Woods. Where's the badass commander I first met? She wouldn't let anything or anyone stand in her way of getting her girl"

"I thought you were supposed to be telling me to back off and giving me a hard time like you did to Clarke?" Lexa questioned.

"She told you about that? Figures. You and Clarke are two very different people, she needs tough love to realise what the fuck she needs to do. You just need a little push in the right direction and some encouragement. I've got your back, Lexa, so go get your girl."

"Clarke is going to kill you for being so easy on me"

"Blondie couldn't kill a fly and even if she tried it, she could stitch me right up"

"You're playing with fire" Lexa laughed knowing that Raven was right.

"Let me deal with that. You just concentrate on kicking France's ass and getting your girl afterwards. Deal?"

"Deal, Reyes"

\\\\\

"You recorded the game? When have you EVER recovered the game, Griffin?" Octavia asked as she propped herself down next to Raven on Clarke's sofa, after her shift ended.

"Well I couldn't exactly watch it, I was on night shift. That then turned into a morning shift. Why do I want to be a doctor again?" Clarke sighed. She still hadn't slept since the night before, not that she had even slept very well that night either. She couldn't stop replaying the phone call with Lexa over and over in her head and mentally kicking herself for letting her feelings take over.

"Because you're too good for this world and want to help everyone, Princess. But that's not the point here, when did you start watching Lexa's games?" Octavia raised her eyebrow at Clarke, Raven mirroring her Fiancée's expression.

Clarke shrugged, she was not going to fall into this trap, "I figured now that we're sort of friends that I should support her, that's all"

"Friends, mhm" Raven muttered, turning back to the television.

Clarke made her way over to the pair, taking her seat on the sofa beside them both, "yes, Raven. Friends."

"Have you and Lexa ever been friends? Like didn't you guys just start fucking immediately?" Octavia piped in as she pressed the play button and the game started.

"I think we sort of skipped the friend stage"

"You and Lexa don't do friends" Raven spoke up again and received a death glare from Clarke. Honestly, was she trying to be this much of an asshole or was it just her damn personality?

"Well now we are, and so far it's been working. Even Noah seems to like her"

"Awkward" Octavia smiled. The three girls fell silent soon after, focusing on the game whilst making generic small talk, that was until the 83rd minute and Lexa volleyed a ball into the goal and all girls found themselves on their feet, cheering as loud as possible.

"NO FUCKING WAY! LEXA GOT HER FIRST INT GOAL!" Octavia screamed as all girls began hugging and jumping in celebration, ecstatic for their friend.

"You three look happier than usual, did I miss something?" Noah spoke loudly as he closed the door behind him.

"Lexa scored!" Clarke smiled brightly at him.

Noah tilted his head slightly, showing some confusion on his face so Octavia quickly explained to him. "She scored a goal, Noah. For the national team. She scored her first international goal"

"Oh! Oh that's awesome." He quickly interjected as he reached Clarke and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I guess we should celebrate when she's home?"

"Hell yeah it does! Our badass commander has conquered her fucking dreams" Raven pretended to sniffle and wipe fake tears away "I'm so proud of our baby"

"Surprise party?" Noah suggested, his arm already slung around Clarke's shoulders.

"Oh Lexa hated surprise parties…" Clarke trailed off then smiled at Octavia and Raven.

"Exactly why we're doing it" all three of them agreed.

\\\\\

2-1. Yet another victory of France, although Lexa hadn't added another goal to her scoring record, she had added an assist. A sly back heeled pass into Morgan's feet, allowing the striker to strike the ball into the back of the net.

The team left France and their first friendlies feeling positive, yet none of them allowed their victories to go to their heads just yet. The French team still managed to beat their defence twice, and everyone knew that work had to be done.

But for now, they were still winners and they could go back home with that knowledge. Taking a few weeks before it was back on the field for their next set of friendlies against Trinidad and Tobago.

The team were waiting at the airport, still an hour or so before boarding. With the free time, Lexa decided on giving Clarke a quick text. Just to let her know she was on her way home and in no way using it as an excuse to talk to her.

Lexa: Just a quick update. I'm about to board my flight, I should be back home tomorrow.

She slipped her phone back in her pocket, leaning back in her seat and let out a sigh.

"Girl troubles?" O'Hara whispered from the seat beside her.

"Huh?"

"You've got that look" she explained.

Lexa sighed again, deciding not to shy away from it. Maybe it would be good to get an outsiders perspective, "my ex".

"Still not over her?" O'Hara shifted a little closer, trying to give as much privacy as she could.

Lexa shook her head, "I don't think I'll ever get over her".

"Hey, don't be like that. You'll move on, you just gotta give it time. How long has it been?"

Lexa let out a chuckle, "3-4 years"

O'Hara let out a low whistle, "damn, she's got you hooked"

Lexa turned her body to face the other girl more, "she's it for me, Kels. She always has been. But she's not mine anymore, she's with someone else and I just- I can't bear it"

She could see O'Hara searching her face before she spoke again, "if she's the one, you can't give up on that. You need to tell her how you feel"

"That's pretty much what my friend said, although a lot more aggressively" Lexa laughed.

"Well you're friend is right, Lexa. Love isn't something you give up on"

Lexa nodded her head, "you're right. You're both right. I gotta get my girl"

"Hell yeah, Woody!"

It was about 40 minutes later that Lexa finally felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, quickly checking if it was Clarke.

Clarke: Finally done kicking ass and taking names, commander?

Lexa: For now. Now that I've got a taste for it, I can't wait to get on that scoreboard again

Clarke: You've always had quite the talent for scoring ;)

Lexa: I've never had a problem getting you into bed, that's for sure

Clarke: Hey! Are you calling me easy? Because I'm no such thing

Lexa: Not easy. You just can't resist me, not that I blame you

Clarke: Okay that goal has went to your head

Lexa: Maybe, but it's all still very true.

Lexa: I'm about to board now, I'll see you soon (I hope)

Clarke: Have a safe flight, Lexa and I guess you'll just have to wait and see ;)

\\\\\

Lexa had been home for just over a day now and as much as everyone agreed she did deserve some rest, they were in too much of a celebratory mood to wait any longer. So the gang; Octavia, Raven, Monty, Anya, Lincoln, Clarke and Noah all began preparations for the surprised celebration.

It was all up to Anya and Lincoln to get Lexa to leave her bedroom and get her round to their apartment. Deciding that was the best way to surprise Lexa. Clarke knew if she had tried to persuade Lexa to come over, the girl would quickly assume it was for some alone time, and Clarke couldn't risk that. So instead, Clarke was on alcohol duties with Raven whilst Noah and Octavia focuses on decorations and food, and Monty on music.

So far everything was going to plan and if everything went well, the group would end up at the bar just a few blocks from Anya's apartment. And of course, Lexa would have a great night.

After taking the day to get everything perfect, it was not down to Anya and Lincoln to drag Lexa from her apartment whilst the rest of them waited for the signal text.

\\\\\

"No, Anya! I'm jet lagged and sore and I really just want to sleep till tomorrow" Lexa protested.

"No isn't an option. Now get your ass out of bed, put on some decent clothes and come over to ours. We want to celebrate your goal, as soppy as that is. I made your favourite food; spaghetti and meatballs."

"Don't try to bribe me with food, Anya"

"We even have beer" Lincoln added from the hallway.

Lexa buried her head in her pillow as she let out a groan, "okay okay, but after dinner I'm leaving"

"That's fine with us. Now go shower cause you stink, you've got half an hour"

"Thanks, asshole"

"Move it".

27 minutes later, which she wouldn't let Anya forget, Lexa was showered and dressed in black slim suit pants and a pine green shirt, slipping her leather jacket on top. "Let's go then, get this over with"

"Always so nice to have you, Lexa" Lincoln smiled as he held the door open for both women.

"Yeah yeah, just move it".

Anya's apartment wasn't far from Lexa's, only around a 10 minute drive. Although 10 minutes was too long when all you wanted was your bed and proceeded to complain about that the full journey. Lexa was pretty sure Anya was going to kill her real soon.

"We're here, thank god" Lincoln sighed, finally free from the bickering women.

"Lead the way, miss grumpy pants" Anya said to Lexa as they made their way into the building.

When they finally reached the right door, Lexa crossed her arms and waited on someone unlocking it. She knew she was acting like a child but damn she was tired.

"I can't believe I could be in bed rig-"

"SURPRISE!" Lexa suddenly heard being shouted at her, along with the sounds of some party poppers being pulled.

"What the fuck?"

"Hey there goal scorer!" Octavia smiled from her place underneath the homemade banner that read "congrats on the 1stinternational, goal scorer".

"So this is why you dragged me out of bed?" She turned to Anya who shrugged.

"The three idiots made me do it"

"Hey! We heard that" Clarke exclaimed.

"You were meant to"

Hearing Clarke's voice, Lexa turned and made her way further into the apartment. Smiling for the first time at the blonde, "you know I hate surprises, guys"

"We know but we couldn't not celebrate this, goal scorer" Clarke smiled as she made her way over the Lexa, opening her arms.

Lexa stepped into them and they embraced, their bodies relaxing into one another. Lexa had to fight the urge to close her eyes and lose herself on the hug, but instead caught Raven's eyes over Clarke shoulders. The brunette winked at her, as she and Clarke held each other for longer than was deemed necessary.

"Fight for your girl, Lexa" she heard the words repeat in her head and as she did, she caught a glimpse of Noah. Looking at them both with no judgement or worry on his face, she shouldn't. She shouldn't interfere, she shouldn't continue this and ultimately break his heart. But this was Clarke, and she was Lexa.

She was going to fight for her girl.


	12. Chapter 12

Lexa had to admit, she was enjoying herself at the party. Regardless of it being a surprise. After everyone found themselves fairly tipsy on pre drinks and full from the ton of junk food (which Lexa avoided more so than the alcohol, she liked to eat healthier when games were scheduled), the group made their way to the local bar.

Lexa made a quick trip to the bar to get the latest round of drinks, which of course she wasn't allowed to pay for no matter how much she persisted. She was leaning against the bar waiting when Noah appeared at her side.

"Hey, figured I'd give you a hand with these" he spoke.

"I can manage, honestly" she replied as kindly as she could. Conversing with Noah was always awkward, on her part anyway. She would never understand why he was so laid back about her being around Clarke.

"I insist. Plus, it gives me a chance to talk to you on your own"

Oh fuck. "What's up?" she swallowed.

"How does Clarke seem to you?"

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, "I don't know what you mean?"

"Does she see… off?" he sighed loudly, "I don't even know. You must find this so awkward, me asking her ex for advice but you just, you know her. And I'm worried"

"About?"

"She's being distant. With me, anyway and I'm not sure why"

Lexa wanted to be happy at that, but seeing the hurt on Noah's face hit her harder than she thought. She really did feel for the guy, which was ironic because it was her fault he was feeling like this. "I'm sure it's nothing. If anything was wrong with her, Clarke would talk to you. She not one for holding back" Lexa laughed as she thought about all the times Clarke would confront her, "believe me, I've experienced it enough times".

Lexa caught the tray of drinks ready to be taken back to the table out of the corner of her eye and turned to grab them, "I guess you're right, thanks for this"

"It's no problem, Noah. Don't worry too much"

Heading back to the table, Lexa caught the hint of fear on Clarke's face over their interaction. She smiled briefly to reassure the girl.

"SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS" shouted Raven as everyone placed the 2 shots for each of them in front of them and counted, "1, 2, 3" and proceeded to drink.

Coughs followed around the table at the tequila then Octavia spoke up, "so Woods, how does it feel?"

"How does what feel?"

"Being a badass pro soccer player, scoring your first international goal for your country. How does it feel?" Lexa could tell the girl was replaying her soccer years and wanting a taste of it in any way possible, so Lexa tried to describe it as best as she could.

"It's pretty indescribable, O. It's like, all those scrapes, all those turf burns, all those injuries, all those losses, all those boys that made fun of you, all the stress of being a female in sport, it all becomes a full circle. After everything, I've finally made it, I've finally reached my dreams and from here on out, everything else is just, unbelievable". She smiles as she remembers all the aspects of her soccer career.

"I miss it" Octavia admitted.

"We'll put together a game, let you blow of some steam"

At that, Octavia lit up and was back to her animated talking, where no one could get a word in as she spoke about some "nutter" that decided to attack and destroy the office the other day.

\\\\\

Raven had tried not to get involved with the Clarke and Lexa drama tonight, but she was tired of the watching Clarke sulk and practically kill the girls that were currently playing pool with Lexa.

"Okay, care to explain to me why you're trying to shoot laser beams from your eyes at those poor girls?" Raven asked as she plopped down beside Clarke. By now, most of the group was interacting with the locals, playing darts or pool or whatever other dumbass bar games this place had.

"Huh, what? I'm not"

"Please princess, who you try'na kid?"

"I'm not, Raven. I'm fine" Clarke defended.

"She's not interested in them, you know"

Clarke's turned to face her, her head practically snapping from her neck with the speed, "I don't care if she is"

"Course you don't, just like you're not trying to kill them with a stare. Maybe if you were paying more attention to Lexa and not the other two, you'd see how uninterested she is. She's just being Lexa, she wouldn't want to turn them away when they were obviously pretty excited to meet a soccer star". Raven reassured, Lexa may as well put a neon sign on her damn forehead declaring how much she was pinning after Clarke with the amount of times she was sending 'secretive' hearteyes in Clarke's direction.

"You think so?" Clarke opened up a little.

"I know so, she's too busy looking at you to notice them"

Clarke suddenly raised her eyebrow, "what is this, Raven? I thought you wanted me to back off of her and now you're practically pushing me towards her?"

Raven shrugged, "who am I to get in the way of Clarke and Lexa? No one would be stupid enough to do that, apart from maybe.." she trailed off, tilting her head in Noah's direction.

Clarke put her face in her hands, "Raven please don't. I really can't think about all of this."

"You're gonna have to, Clarke. As much as I understand what you and Lexa had – may still have – Noah is in the picture now. It's not as simple as college" Raven put her hand on Clarke's shoulder, comforting her.

"I know" Clarke spoke quietly, "I know" she repeated.

Raven didn't push. She knew this was beginning to eat at her friend badly enough without her interfering.

\\\\\

The night ended when Monty decided to become so drunk, he practically couldn't walk and once one of them declared they needed to take him home, the rest followed suit. Each of them parting ways in separate taxi's, Octavia, Raven and Monty together, Anya and Lincoln walking home, Clarke and Noah then of course, Lexa, alone.

Clarke couldn't stop thinking about Lexa. She needed to be with her tonight, and that's how she found herself texting Lexa to wait up and telling Noah she wanted her own bed tonight as they sat in the back of the taxi.

"I don't mind staying over, I'll just have to use your toothbrush" he smiled and Clarke's heart sank knowing she had to come up with another excuse.

"Honestly? i'm not even close to sleep and I really don't want to keep you up. I know you're at the hospital early, you should head home"

She saw his smile drop, "Clarke, you'd tell me if something was wrong, right?" he squeezed her hand, trying to coax her into the conversation.

"Of course. I just really don't want to keep you up. I know how hard a morning shift is after a night out" she laughed slightly, trying to reassure him.

She could tell he wasn't buying it, but he didn't push, he just kissed her softly and smiled quickly, "Okay, babe".

Noah walked her out of the taxi and to her door, kissing her goodnight before he ran back to the taxi, making his way home. Clarke waited a few minutes before she made her way back outside, walking a few blocks before she hailed a taxi and made her way to Lexa's.

She found herself standing outside of Lexa's apartment not too long afterwards, knocking on the door and hoping Lexa had gotten her text.

The door opened after a second knock, to Lexa wearing boxers, grey sports bra and in the process of buttoning up her green shirt from earlier, "who th- Clarke?"

Clarke raked her eyes over the brunette, never tiring of the sight of those toned thighs and stomach, everything about Lexa's body screamed athlete. "Hi" she spoke thickly as her eyes finally met Lexa's green gaze.

"What are, why are you here? Is everything okay?" Lexa's tone taking on a worrying one as she opened the door further for Clarke to enter.

"You didn't get my text then?" Clarke asked as she walked into Lexa's apartment.

"I guess not" Lexa closed the door and turned to look at her with a questioning look, still waiting for her to answer.

"I needed to see you"

Lexa smiled, letting go of her shirt which she had only managed to button up the first 2, "seen enough?"

Clarke's initial idea for coming over was to talk, she really needed to clear things between her and Lexa. Figure out what was going on, figure out how Lexa felt. She needed answers. But with Lexa standing in front of her, practically half naked and that damn look in her eye, she knew the talking would have to wait.

"I believe you said you'd make this worth my while" Clarke took a step towards Lexa, her voice dripping with lust.

She saw Lexa's eyebrow raise, "you waited for me?"

"Yes. No sex, no touching, no nothing" Clarke confirmed and Lexa began to take the few steps to close the distance between them.

"Have you touched yourself?"

Lexa's eyes were taking on that intense stare that always made her whole body want to squirm, no one looked at her the way Lexa did. Clarke began to shake her head, "nope".

Lexa's eyes widened in surprised before a cocky smirk took over her features, her hand reaching out and brushing along her jawline. Clarke's eyes fluttered shut at the touch, "how long has it been since you came, Clarke?"

Lexa's voice was beginning to change, she could hear the lust, the dominant in the girl beginning to come through and it was making her excited. She opened her eyes, she knew Lexa wouldn't miss the darker shade they had no doubt taken on by now, "nearly 3 weeks. I haven't came since you decided to mark me".

She could feel Lexa's hand fitting under her jaw, resting against the side of her neck and her fingers brushing the back of her neck. She began to bite her lip as she watched, Lexa's eyes falling to her lips, "do you want to come, Clarke?"

"Yes" she spoke simply, the anticipation was already getting to her, and she needed Lexa to kiss her already! Thankfully, she didn't need to wait any longer.

Lexa pulled her towards her, her hand on the back of her neck as their lips met, Lexa being all too gentle with her. Not to mention slow. Clarke raised her own hand up to grab the back of Lexa's neck, pulling her in closer and deepening the kiss. Or attempting to do so. She could feel Lexa pulling back, trying to tease her with gentle kisses. So she decided to take another approach and allowed the kissing to stay gentle, stay slow, she allowed Lexa to have her fun. Clarke dropped her hand from her neck and instead let it slip under Lexa's open shirt, exploring the toned stomach. She heard Lexa's breath catch, and she knew it wouldn't be long until this teasing was over. Just one more little piece of encouragement was needed. Clarke dug her nails into Lexa's skin just below her ribs, scratching lightly down her side and along her hip bone and Lexa retaliated, just as she planned.

She felt the wall against her back before she knew it, Lexa's hips pinning hers and the brunette's teeth sinking into her bottom lip. Fuck. Clarke let out a moan, her body suddenly coming alive. Lexa's lips abruptly left hers, but before she could protest, her shirt was being pulled over her head and Lexa's lips were back on hers. This time it was anything but gentle, and Clarke couldn't control the noises escaping from her with every taste of Lexa. Her thoughts could barely keep up with the sensations swarming her body, Lexa was touching her everywhere. Her body pressing against hers, her hips driving into her as her hands grabbed and scratched, exploring every inch of Clarke before suddenly unhooking her bra in one quick movement.

Lexa broke the kiss, both girls breathing heavy as she slipped Clarke's bra down her arms and Clarke could barely stop herself from squirming under Lexa's gaze.

"How does he control himself" Lexa asked herself more than Clarke as she took in Clarke's exposed skin, exposed breasts, moving with every breath the blonde was taking.

"Who?" Clarke's mind was blank, all she could think of was Lexa and how her skin felt like it was on fire from everywhere the brunette had touched her.

"Noah. How can he keep his hands off you?" Lexa looked up from Clarke's breasts and met her eyes, "I've never mastered that. Not when we first met, not when we were together and even now. I can't keep my hands off you."

"Good. Because I want your hands on me." Clarke took hold of Lexa's hands and guided them to her breasts, controlling the brunette's hands as they began to knead, Clarke's head tilting back as noises of approval quietly lingered in the air. When she tilted her head back down, she found Lexa watching her, that hungry, that intensity making her gulp.

"Bedroom. Now. I plan on hindering you unable to walk" Lexa commanded and Clarke quickly obeyed, keeping hold of one of Lexa's hands and practically running to the bedroom, impatient.

Lexa spun her around to face her when they reached the bed, dropping her face into Clarke's neck and licking up to her pulse point before gently sinking her teeth in. Not hard enough to leave a mark but enough to make Clarke moan. Before she continued, Lexa lifted her head and smirked at Clarke, "I want to taste you, Clarke b-"

"Then taste me" Clarke interrupted.

Lexa laughed a little at the blonde's impatience, "believe me, Clarke, I will. I plan on ending tonight with your taste on my lips, but first, I want to have a little fun". Lexa grinned mischievously and Clarke knew the girl had a plan. "Take off your pants" she ordered and Clarke obeyed. As she took them off, Lexa walked over to one of her drawer set and began to search through the bottom one. When she found what she was looking for she looked back at Clarke, "do you remember when you would beg me to fuck you with this?" She turned and in her hand, Clarke noticed a strap on and an all new dildo, a lighter shade of purple this time. She felt the juices flow from her and into her underwear as the memories came back to her. Fuck.

"Fuck, Lexa" was all she could manage to say, she couldn't think straight (no pun intended) with how turned on she was.

Lexa began to take off her clothes, "get on the bed, Clarke". She really was dominant tonight and as much as Clarke loved to push her on that, she knew that would only cause her to wait longer and right now, she really needed Lexa to fuck her. "On your hands and knees" she commanded and Clarke swallowed thickly. She remembered the first time they tried this position, she remembered having to bite down on her pillow to keep herself quiet, she remembered the stars behind her eyes as squeezed her eyes shut when the orgasm took over. Fuck

Clarke obeyed orders, crawling on the bed and positioning herself on her hands and knees, her underwear still on, much to her dislike. No doubt they were ruined now. She watched as Lexa slipped into the harness, fastening it and adjusting. Clarke could feel herself dripping into her underwear, her breathing heavy with want.

When Lexa was done, she looked up and smirked at the sight of Clarke ready and waiting for her, "good girl" she praised as she walked over to the bed, climbing on top of it and resting on her knees behind Clarke. She kissed the dimples that sat at the bottom of Clarke's back before kneeling back and noticing how wet Clarke was. A wet patch, a darker shade of pink was evident against the baby pink underwear, and Lexa's reached between Clarke's legs to examine the wet patch. When her fingers made contact, Clarke's body shook, her hips driving down to meet Lexa's fingers. "Always so eager, Clarke. I love how responsive you are" she praised again as her fingers continued to stroke through her underwear.

"Oh god, I really need you to fuck me, Lexa. Before I go insane" Clarke begged between her whimpers, the strokes just not enough to ease her hunger.

Lexa took hold of Clarke's underwear and pulled it down her thighs, a string of wetness falling with the underwear and Lexa had to resist the temptation to taste her right there. Slipping her underwear completely off, Lexa sat up on her knees and took hold of Clarke's hips, pulling her ass back to meet Lexa's hips, a louder whimper escaping the blonde's mouth as the dildo made little contact with her pussy. Lexa took hold of the dildo and began to slide it through Clarke's folds, gathering wetness.

"Fuck!" Clarke cried as the tip made contact with her clit, her hips beginning to ground down, trying to find friction.

With the dildo glistening with wetness, Lexa decided to give Clarke what she needed and slipped the tip in suddenly, "are you always so wet, Clarke?" she asked, as she allowed stopped moving her hips forward.

"No" she simply replied, pushing her hips back to take more inside of her, revelling in the feeling of it stretching her, beginning to fill her. She could barely keep the smile off her face.

"Why not?" she continued, Lexa grabbing hold of her hips, stopping her from taking any more of the dildo and hearing the blonde groan in frustration.

"Lexa, will you fuck me already!"

"Answer me" she demanded and began to slip out of her, before the blonde suddenly protested.

"No! no! Fuck, Lexa. Only you make me this wet. Oh god, you make me so wet" the blonde practically began to moan.

And with that answer, Lexa gave Clarke exactly what she wanted. She pushed her hips forward, easing herself in for the first few thrust, listening to Clarke whimper at the slow pace. Taking hold of the blonde's hips, she began to increase the pace and Clarke's whimpers increased to moans, rocking her own body back, trying to meet each thrust. Clarke could feel the tip grazing the sweet spot inside of her which every few thrusts and it was driving her crazy, she grabbed hold of Lexa's sheets and lost herself in the pleasure she had been craving for weeks.

She thought it couldn't get any better than what she was currently feeling, that was until Lexa reached around and her fingers made contact with her clit. Her body jerked in response, crying out Lexa's name louder than before. "Let me hear you, baby" she heard Lexa speak through her own heavy breathing. And Clarke found herself suddenly grateful for Lexa's interest in soccer, because it not only allowed Clarke to admire her toned body, but it allowed Lexa to keep up a fast space for longer than Clarke even needed to reach her climax.

Lexa knew Clarke was close, she could feel the girl's pussy clenching down and trying to keep her inside, she could hear the girl's tone rising higher, she could feel the shudders beginning to take hold of the blonde's body. She applied a little more pressure to the girl's clit and continued to thrust, speeding up that little more just to push her over the edge. And a few seconds later, she fell from the edge with a silent scream, with her knuckles white as she grabbed the sheets and her back arching. Lexa thrusted a few more times, slowly as she let Clarke ride out the orgasm before stopping when she felt Clarke's body become weak.

She slowly pulled out, Clarke letting out a little whimper at the empty feeling. Lexa quickly worked on the buckles of the harness, pulling it off and throwing it to the floor. Clarke had slipped down from her hands and knees to laying on her stomach, and Lexa began to kiss her way up Clarke's body. From her ankle, up her leg, her ass, her back and along her shoulders until she placed a kiss onto Clarke's cheek, "you came back to me yet?" she spoke softly.

"Mhm" the blonde murmured.

"Worth the wait?" Lexa enquired.

Clarke turned onto her back, reaching up to plant a kiss on Lexa's lips, "I'll let you know when we're finished". Clarke pushed back Lexa back by her shoulder, laying the brunette on her back as she straddled her, wasting no time on manoeuvring her hand between Lexa's legs.

Talking could wait until morning.


	13. Chapter 13

Noah: Did Clarke spend the night with you guys?

Octavia looked over at Raven the next morning, both girls reading the same text message they received after getting home.

"Didn't they leave together?" Raven enquired.

"I'm pretty sure they did" Octavia furrowed her brows, thinking back to last night. "Yeah, they definitely got into a taxi together".

"So why is he asking if she stayed here?"

"More importantly, where even is she?".

Raven didn't answer. Simply because she had a feeling she knew exactly where Clarke was.

\\\\\

Noah: Did Clarke spend the night with you guys?

Anya: Why would Clarke spend the night at ours?

Noah: Sorry, she just isn't home and I was curious where she is.

Anya: Try Raven and Octavia, she's probably there.

\\\\\

Lincoln: No, bud. Sorry, she's probably over at O's

Noah: Thanks anyway.

\\\\\

Lexa's arm was dead. Beyond dead. She wouldn't have even realised she owned another arm if she didn't get trapped when trying to roll over. Which of course resulted in Clarke groaning loudly with the sudden sleep interruption.

"Nice wake up call" she murmured.

"Sorry, grumpy. I didn't realise my arm was so trapped" Lexa pulled her body further to try and unpin her arm.

"Lexa" Clarke complained, drawing out the 'a'.

"As much as I want to continue cuddling, my arm is close to never regaining blood flow" with one last pull, Lexa removed her arm. Waiting for feeling to regain.

Clarke groaned again as she turned around to face Lexa, resting her head on her chest. Lexa let out a small chuckle, "I just got my arm free and you're already trying to trap it again"

"Maybe I like your arms. Especially this one" Clarke's voice was rough with sleep and dehydration. She began to stroke her fingers down Lexa's arm, following the lines of various tattoos that made up her sleeve.

"You always had a thing for tattoos?"

Clarke shook her head against Lexa's chest, "I didn't have a thing for a lot of stuff until I met you".

Regaining the sensation in her arm, Lexa raised it to wrap around Clarke and begin to run her fingers along the blonde's bare back. "Like?"

"Like…" Clarke trailed off, her body shivering when Lexa's fingers brushed near her hip. "Suits"

"And…"

"Sweat"

Lexa laughed, "wait what?"

Clarke raised her head to look at Lexa, "honestly, most the time I'd only come and watch you play soccer so I could see your shirt clinging to you with sweat"

"And here I was thinking you were being a supportive girlfriend"

Clarke leaned forward and kissed Lexa's jaw, "sorry baby, it was pu- I just called you baby"

Lexa's lips formed a smile, "yes you did"

"I shouldn't do that"

Lexa brushed strands of hair back from Clarke's face, "its difficult not to fall back into how we used to be, maybe we shouldn't fight it"

Clarke kept searching Lexa's face, watching her silently. Maybe this was the right time, now was the time to tell Lexa how she felt.

"Lexa, I-" she was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Ignore it, go on" Lexa's was cupping her cheek now, and she couldn't help but lean into her hand.

"I think I need to tell you something, but I ju-"

The door was knocked again, louder this time and whoever it was sounded impatient. With a groan, Lexa kissed Clarke's forehead, "I'll get rid of them".

Jumping out of bed, Lexa quickly grabbed a pair of shorts and tshirt from her drawers and made her way to the door. "Yeah I'm coming!" She shouted as the person knocked a third time.

Throwing the door open, she was met with Noah. Fuck.

"Hey Lexa, did I wake you?"

"Noah, uh hi, what are you doing here?" Lexa ignored his question. She was trying to replay the night in her head, where did she take off Clarke's clothes? She knew the blonde's top and bra wasn't in the bedroom. Were they noticeable from the door? Not wanting to take the chance, she closed the door over slightly and put her body in the line of view into her apartment.

"Have you seen Clarke?"

"Clarke? What? No. Didn't she leave with you?"

Noah sighed loudly, running his hand over his face, "she didn't want me to stay over. But then I woke up to a text from her, saying she really needed to see me, that we needed to talk but she never turned up. I've been everywhere, no one has seen her." Noah began to rant as worry started to overcome his calm composure, "I think I need to call her mom, or the police, tell them she's missing".

"Okay let's not overreact right now, Noah. Just calm down. Have you tried calling her?" Lexa couldn't recall hearing Clarke's phone going off this morning.

"Of course I have, her damn phone is off. Lexa, where the hell is she?!"

"She'll be fine. She's probably just woke up early, went out walking and found something to draw. You know what she's like" Lexa tried to reason. It was a possible situation, she had been worried about Clarke many a times when the girl would get caught up in her drawing.

Lexa could see Noah's thoughts racing, trying to find any peace of mind, "then why did she text me? Why didn't she show up?"

Lexa shifted awkwardly on her feet, trust Clarke to accidentally text Noah instead of her. "I'm not sure, she was drinking. Was probably nothing, she maybe just felt badly about sending you home? Look Noah, you have work and I'm free all day, I'll help find her, okay? And I'll call you as soon as I know something"

Noah checked his watch, letting out a small breath, "I'm already late. That would be really helpful, actually. Thank you, Lexa"

"She'll be okay, don't worry too much. Clarke can look after herself" Lexa moved away from the doorway, planning to close to door and watched as Noah's eyes widened. She quickly turned her head and saw what he was looking at; Clarke's bra.

"I thought you left alone?" he furrowed his eyebrow in confusion.

"Uh, yeah I did. But I- I have a sort of agreement with someone. You know?" she lied quickly, thinking up the best excuse she could quickly.

Noah let out a little laugh, "got it. Sorry I interrupted your morning, I just had to check all possibilities. Thanks for the help, Lexa." He smiled kindly as he turned to leave.

"Yeah no problem. She'll be fine" she reassured again and he gave a wave of acknowledgement over his shoulder.

She quickly threw her door closed, locking it for extra security. She couldn't risk the small possibility that Noah recognised the bra and was just trying to catch them out. Turning to make her way back into the bedroom, she saw Clarke emerge with the sheets wrapped around her body, "fuck".

"You need to call him"

"Yeah okay, yeah I need to do that" Clarke went to turn back into the bedroom.

Lexa quickly rushed forward, "no wait" she spoke, "not right now. That would look too suspicious. Give it about 20 minutes".

"Yeah, you're right. God, I've fucked up" Clarke dropped her head, her eyes beginning to water.

Lexa reached out, taking hold of the blonde's shoulders and bending her knees to get to eye level, "hey, we'll work this out, okay?"

"We've fucked up, Lexa! We've really fucked up"

Lexa brought Clarke's face up to look at her, both hands cupping Clarke's face, searching her eyes. After a few silent moments, she spoke, "it doesn't feel like I've fucked up, Clarke. This feels exactly right to me"

"Lexa" Clarke breathed out.

"I know, Clarke. I know we said this was just sex and at first, I tried my best to keep it that way but I couldn't. I can't. It's never been just about sex with you. You've always had this way of compelling me, and I just can't keep away from you. I can't stop myself falling for you"

"You're falling for me?" Clarke's eye shimmered with tears.

"I don't think I ever stopped, Clarke. Even when we were apart. I told you I'd come back to you, so here I am. I'm here and I'm yours, I've always been yours and I always will be yours."

"What if this isn't our time?" the tears began to fall from Clarke's eyes, "I can't lose you again, I can't go through that again"

"I'm not going anywhere without you, Clarke. I lost you once, do you think I'm stupid enough to lose you after finding you again?"

Clarke let out a wet laugh, "you are an athlete, if the stereotype fits"

Lexa began to wipe the tears that were running down Clarke's cheeks with her thumbs, "I'm not letting you go" she confirmed.

"But Noah" Clarke let out a loud sob, remembering the man whose heart she was about to break.

Lexa let out a soft sigh, "I know, baby. I don't want to hurt him either but if I have to, I will. I'm not going out without a fight"

Clarke brought her hands up to cover Lexa's, "there's nothing to fight. I've been yours since I met you in that car park, I've been yours since I met you at that damn police event, I've always been yours."

"I thought this was just sex?"

Clarke let out another laugh, her tears drying up for now, "you believed that?"

"I didn't want to get my hopes up. Nor did I want to push you into anything you would have been uncomfortable with. If sex was the only way I could have you, then I would have accepted that"

Clarke reached up, planting a soft kiss to Lexa's lips and she could taste the blonde's tears when she pulled away, "I love you".

Lexa couldn't help the sigh of relief escape when she heard those words, a smile taking over her face, "I love you too, Clarke Griffin"

Taking hold of one of Lexa's hands, Clarke placed it against her chest, over her heart, "I don't think my heart will ever stop going crazy when you say those words to me".

Keeping her hand pressed against Clarke's chest, Lexa leaned in and felt the blonde's heart begin to race faster. She smiled against Clarke's lips, "I've still got it" she teased, earning her a light smack against her shoulder.

"Shut up and kiss me, already". Wasting no more time, Lexa met Clarke's lips and both girls lost themselves in each other all over again. Lost themselves in their confessions, their happiness and their love.

The calm before the storm.


	14. Chapter 14

It was time. Clarke knew she had to tell Noah that it was over. She couldn't continue this any longer, not when she knew it was Lexa she was in love with.

And that's how she found herself in her apartment, pacing back and forth as she waited on Noah arriving. She had called him to come over and he sounded so happy, it broke her heart knowing what she was about to do to him. He deserved better than her.

Running over cliched scripts of "you deserve better", "it's not you, it's me" in her head, Clarke was nervous. She felt awful for what she was about to do.

Lexa had promised to come over as soon as she was done with her workout. Which helped calm her, knowing they'd be together without having to worry soon.

The knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts and stopped her pacing. This was it.

"Hey gorgeous" he greeted, leaning in to kiss her cheek before letting himself in. "So what's on the agenda?"

"Uh actually, I thought we should have a talk. If that's okay?" She spoke as strongly as she could.

His smile dropped a little, "sure babe, what's up?" He dropped to the sofa, taking a seat.

Clarke took a calming breath as she made her way over and sat on the sofa close to him. She looked up into his eyes for a few moments, the silence hanging between them.

He let out a nervous laugh, "I shouldn't be worried, should I?"

"Noah" she spoke. Looking away from him, she took a deep breath before bringing her eyes back to his, "I can't do this anymore"

She watched his features switch to confusion, "you can't do what anymore?"

"This. Us" she spoke truthfully.

He looked taken aback, shaking his head slightly as he tries to understand what was happening. "Wha- why? Clarke I don't understand"

"I care for you, I rea-"

His sarcastic laugh interrupted her words, "you care for me? Is that all I get?"

Clarke could feel him becoming tense, she could see the clear signs of anger. Something she hasn't seen in him before. "That's not what I mean, Noah. You know I love you, just not li-"

"Just not like you love her, right?"

Clarke dropped her head, not knowing how to respond.

Noah suddenly stood for the sofa, beginning to pace, "I can't believe I didn't see this coming. As soon as that bitch-"

"She's nothing to do with this" Clarke interrupted.

"Like hell she isn't! She's everything to do with this! Sinking her fucking claws into you as soon as she could" he spat.

"It wasn't like that, Noah."

"Then how the fuck was it, Clarke!? Please explain it to me. She's been back all of two fucking minutes and I get thrown to the side"

"I can't explain it. Because I don't understand it myself. Everything is just… Right with her"

"How do you know she even feels the same way about you? She left you! What makes you think she even wants you back?"

"Because she does"

"How the fuck would you know!"

"Because she told me!" Clarke shouted as she stood up off the sofa.

Noah's smile was sarcastic, "oh she told you huh? Let me guess, she told you that leaving you was a mistake, that she's always loved you, that you're the one?" He laughed, "are you fucking stupid? She's probably just trying to get back in your pants, Clarke"

"She wouldn't do that" Clarke spoke matter-of-factly

"Don't be so fucking stupid, Clarke. Of course she would, who wouldn't want back in your pants?" He spoke bitterly.

"Lexa wouldn't do that" she spoke through gritted teeth.

"Bet she's loving this. Get me out the way so she can fuck you to her heart's content" he laughed, ignoring her protest.

"She already has been!"

Noah stopped moving. "What?"

"Noah, I'm so sorry"

"What the fuck did you just say, Clarke"

Clarke had never seen Noah this angry. She could see his shoulders and arms tensing, she could see the spit in his mouth as she spoke to her. She couldn't imagine him ever looking at her the way he was now.

Clarke was scared.

"Noah" she spoke softly, hoping it would calm him.

Suddenly, she felt his hands grab at her arms in a vice like grip and he shook, "say it!" He roared.

Clarke could feel the tears stinging her eyes as the fear and pain washed over her. But instead of backing away from her, instead of wiping away her tears like he used to, he squeezed her arms harder and laughed sadistically.

"You cheat on me and you're the one crying"

"Noah you're hurting me"

"I'm hurting you? Are you fucking kidding me!" He pushed her back, smacking her into a wall.

Clarke felt her head hit the wall, and the force made her slide down the wall.

"You disgust me, you know that?" He started to stalk towards her. Clarke's head was throbbing, she was sure it was a concussion. Her vision was blurred, not only from that but from the tears.

"I'm sorry. Noah please" she pleaded weakly.

He knelt down in front of her, tilting his head to the side as he stuck out his bottom lip "aw is Clarke sorry?" He spoke in a patronising tone before grabbing her hair, "I should teach you a lesson you whore"

"Take your hands off her. Right. Now" a voice spoke from the doorway.

Noah looked over, a sadistic smile forming on his face, "look who it is, Clarke, the other whore"

Clarke softly spoke, "Lexa"

"Get your fucking hands off her" Lexa walked further into the room, her glare pointed at Noah.

"Or what, bitch? You going to make me?" Noah stood from where he was knelt, turning his body to Lexa.

Lexa held up her phone, "you have two seconds to leave this place before I call Octavia. Before I call Anya"

Noah laughed, "you're going to call the police on me? Hear that, Clarke? Not much of a badass now, are you?"

"I'd happily break your jaw but right now all I care about is getting you out of here so I can get Clarke medical attention"

"Such a saint, caring about people. Wasn't that when you were fucking my girlfriend" Noah spat, walking towards her.

"You have 3 seconds to leave, or I'm calling" Lexa stood her ground, her finger hovering over the call button.

Noah looked between Lexa and Clarke a few times before he spat on the ground, "this isn't over" he threatened before heading for the door.

As soon as she heard the door close, she quickly locked it and ran over to Clarke, kneeling down beside her.

"Oh god what do I do? Shall I phone an ambulance, can I drive you? I'm so sorry I left you" Lexa's hands were inspecting Clarke

"I'll be okay, no need for an ambulance. But I should get checked."

"I'm never gonna let him hurt you again" Lexa spoke strongly, her hand cupping Clarke's face.

"I'm okay. I promise I'm okay"

"That bastard is going away for this"

\\\\\

"I'm going to fucking kill him. I'm going to chop the fuckers balls off and shove them down his worthless throat" Raven paced back and forth in front of the hospital bed Clarke and Lexa were currently sat on.

"Not if I get to him first" Lexa added.

"Guys! Stop. Octavia will deal with it, the police will deal with it" Clarke spoke.

"I'm sorry" Lexa squeezed her close to her side.

"Like hell I am. The bastard deserves everything he gets. Octavia won't go easy on him"

"Can we stop, please? My head hurts and frankly all I want is for this to be over with" Clarke rested her head on Lexa's shoulder.

"He won't touch you again." Lexa promised, her hand lightly brushing Clarke's arm, being careful to avoid the bruises Noah left.

"Like fuck he wont, he tries to come near you again and I'll end him" Raven also promised.

The 3 girls waited in the hospital until Clarke was given the all clear. Apart from a slight concussion and some bruising to her arms, she avoided any further harm.

With the go ahead, Lexa drove her home after leaving Raven and promising to call her in the morning for any updates.

Arriving back at Lexa's apartment, the couple opted to cuddle on the sofa and watch TV, waiting for news from Octavia.

It wasn't long until the phone call came in, informing them that Noah was being charged with domestic abuse and had been issued with a restraining order. No longer being allowed Clarke.

"I'll never forgive myself for allowing him to hurt you" Lexa murmured into Clarke's hair as the blonde lay between her legs, her back against Lexa's front.

"No one would have guessed he would do this. He was always so… Gentle"

"I should have been there. I should have protected you"

Clarke shifted, turning to sit on her knees, Lexa following, both girls face to face. "You did, you stopped him. You saved me"

"I wasn't fast enough, I didn't do my job" Lexa reached out and brushed her thumb along Clarke's cheek.

"You stopped him before he done anything worse." Clarke smiled, a little laugh escaping her mouth, "I've never been so happy to hear your voice".

"I didn't know what he done to you. I just saw you on the ground, his hands on you. God Clarke, I was scared"

"I know, baby but I'm okay" Clarke kissed the inside of Lexa's hand.

"I wanted to kill him, Clarke. If I wasn't so worried about you, I would have" Lexa's stare was serious.

Clarke leaned forward, placing a small kiss on Lexa's lips, "I'm glad you didn't. I don't think I could survive with you being locked away from me"

"I'm not going anywhere ever again, Clarke."

Clarke rested her forehead against Lexa's, "promise?"

"I'll do one better, I'll vow it. I'm going to marry you one day soon, Clarke Griffin"

Clarke's face broke out in a smile, "was that a proposal?"

"In some aspects, yes but I want to do that properly. I want to sweep you off your feet and have a story to tell our kids. Not this, I don't want what happened today in that story"

"Kids, huh?"

Lexa planted a soft kiss on Clarke's forehead, "I want everything with you, I want a family with you"

Clarke let out a soft sigh, melting into Lexa, "God I'm so in love with you, Lexa Woods"

"I'm so in love with you, Clarke Woods"


End file.
